Mormonese: porn addiction

Everybody else: You happen to like girls.

Porn- whatever we say it is
Addiction- doing anything we don’t want you to, even just once
Testimony- my feelings are more important than evidence or logic
Church- the “members” serve the institution not vice versa
Member- a person who is subservient to the church (see above)
Tithing- “fire insurance” also known as a shakedown
Bishop- just some guy
Family- only if you do what we say

I’ll think up more.... give me a few

just told a counselor in the Bishopric who was trying to tell my wife something as if he were Flash and the Bishop, Captain America...that he was "just some guy" - a neighbor and nothing else.

His eyes grew as big as they could and he left.

Mormonese: Alcoholic.

Everybody else: You use real vanilla in your cookies.


Mormonese: I eat a little junk food now and then.

Everybody else: I'm morbidly obese and pre-diabetic.


Mormonese: His testimony is wavering.

Everybody else: He doesn't believe in fairy tales.


Mormonese: He came home early from his mission.

Everybody else: One less idiot banging on my door.


Mormonese: Endure to the end.

Everyone else: Keeping doing what you hate until you die.


Mormonese: He's not mormon, but he's still a good person.

Everyone else: He's a mormon, but he's still a good person.


Mormonese: Hold fast to the iron rod.

Everyone else: But I'm not gay.


Mormonese: Masturbation.

Everyone else: Necessity of life.


Mormonese: Return with honor.

Everyone else: Don't have any fun while you're out.


Mormonese: Avoid the appearance of evil.

Everyone else: Avoid mormons when they appear.


Mormonese: The last days are upon us.

Everyone else: The days are getting shorter since the summer solstice.


Mormonese: Ponderize.

Everyone else: Convince yourself that a bunch of nonsensical lunacy is the real truth.


Mormonese: Tender Mercies

Everyone else: WTF?

Momonese: Jonny the Smoke is bitter and offended.

Everyone else: Jonny the Smoke is hysterically insightful.


Laughing my ass off.

Facts: A "Warm Emotional Feeling"

Truth: Whatever Dallin Oaks Says It Is

History: Whatever makes Joseph Smith look good

Anti-Mormon: Actual facts that make the church look bad

Amazing talent! Thanks for the laughs and, as state above, the insights.

TMC - The Mormon Church - creates formons (former mormons) [for the lucky/ intellectual ones] in the ldsC (C for cult), even those highly held leasthood (least-priesthood) holders.

morMons. Lost Sheep. I'm looking for them, day and night. I would save more Mormons but what would I need them for? An emergency? No. What a waste!

M@t