Imagine people all over the world growing up in families rife with both a conditioned empathy of hte lower degree and a memed concept of ethics and morals that says that self-esteem, dignity and worthiness are only achieved through external validation.

And at the core of this the external validation is at the same time seen as a sin and that one should strife for justification/atoning so that one can live in the next world where everything are in plenty!

What a paradox! What a life people are living!

It's awful. I see it every day. Sort of self-shaming. Not giving credit for work accomplished, attitudes held, etc. if it's good. Hearing that the TBM mother believed one should not praise; one's work is one's praise. The kids, hard-working, kind, generous---and craving validation while doing this kind of self-shaming, and also not being willing to give praise or credit to their kids or spouse; much more quick to criticize. (Thankfully not always, though. And when praise comes, it's very nurturing!)

Validation was a very scarce thing in my family. Achieving, doing well, being a good person and all that were seen as just doing your duty.