We recently took the step to completely cut off contact with my MIL, at least temporarily, due to her continual violation of clearly set boundaries around religion. We never had a great relationship, but I'm distressed it has come to this. DH initiated this and I was in full agreement. At least we as a couple are united- so there is that.

The boundary was clearly communicated- multiple times. We let her know each time it was crossed. It spiraled recently and we even said you have to stop this, you are violating our boundaries, you are harassing us, etc. We just blocked her phone number/email/FB, etc. I never thought we would ever feel the need to do this with a family member, as we have traditionally been the peacemakers.

I wish I could not let what she says get to me, but I'm hurt and angry. The final straw was her attacking our parenting and our children. One of our children is gay and they can't accept that. We can't be good parents without the spirit and are letting our kids go astray. She seems to want us to force our child to be straight (?) and make them go to church even if we don't. We have to be the adults and aren't acting like the adults. I guess we can ruin our eternal lives, but at least need to save theirs. It's like no- I never considered how this would affect my children. One of the reasons I left was FOR my children. Apparently she has the "right" to say all of this as she is the mom/grandma...uh no.

She has in effect chosen the church over her family. Who does that?

I have no one to talk to because even though I'm angry and feel wronged, I don't really want to bad mouth her to people we know. I'm sure she is about us though. My nevermo friends just don't fully "get" this.

You are doing the best thing and you and your husband know what is best for you and your children. Don't back down and don't waste your time trying to justify or explain your life to those around you.

Find some fun things you and your husband and kids can do together and keep MIL out of the focus. Best Luck.

goodbyemoroni Wrote:
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> She has in effect chosen the church over her
> family. Who does that?

Mormons do.
Regularly.

So sorry you had to take such extreme measures.
But you did the right thing. No question.

Stick to it, just ignore the MIL as much as you can. Your family and your sanity come first.

It can be said that it's not about Rights, but about Powers.

You can argue all day long about your MIL not have a Right to attack your parenting skills, but she obviously had the Power, and she used it.

You have finally done the only thing that will have any impact on her, use your own Power to block her out of your life and the lives of your children. Don't be afraid to use your power and don't apologize for doing what you think is best; she certainly won't!


If she asks, tell her that Jesus told you to do it...

Never accept behavior from in laws that you would not tolerate from others in your life.

You are doing the right thing. Continue to protect your children from this person who want to harm them.

United is good. It sucks that you have to go to such lengths, but yes, for the kids, it sounds necessary.

"chosen the church over her family. Who does that?"


uh .... mormons ?

Not just Mormons....take a look at Islamic fundamentalism, at Polygamists' abuse of their children, at the shunning of the Amish. It's pretty common, actually.

I don't approach them, I answer questions from them as efficiently as possible and ignore them whenever I can.

I take the position that the church teaches that apostates have sinned or are sinning and if you believe the church is true than you are admitting you feel the same way.

I don't want to be around people who think that way about me or may family.

Congratulations on being steadfast in protecting your family.

Mormonism can be absolutely anti-family.

I, also had to cut off contact when some Mormon family members, when they started trying to HARM MY CHILDREN. That was the deal-breaker. Then, I started thinking about my self--why did I allow these family members to harm ME for all those years? I regret not protecting my self, too.

My children got harassed and bullied, because they didn't want to go on missions. It was a good, life-affirming decision for them to stay home and continue to work their way through the university, and get a start on their careers--before they got married. They all have great jobs, houses of their own, loving spouses and children of their own. They are happy. That happiness is worth shutting the door and blocking calls.

Your children's very happiness could have been at risk, had you not taken the necessary action. You are good parents!

Expect to always stay strong, and re-enforce your boundaries, because the Mormons will never give up on challenging you. They might let up a lot, when they see that you are firm, but expect more guilt and pestering at Christmas, Mother's Day, birthdays, Thanksgiving, reunions.... I like the suggestion to plan some fun family activities ahead of time.

I'm happy that the two of you are together in this!

All your kids will benefit from being cut off from these toxic people, but especially your gay child.

Again, I'll ask someone else to refer you to the story on the biography board about leaving the lds church because he had somewhere else to go--to his son. His gay son. It is one of the most moving stories I've read.