She will have surgery for the cancer on her face. She has been a TBM for 70 years but the prospect of going to heaven does not appear to be giving her any solace. Is that the normal way for TBMs to think?

I am an atheist. I had prostate cancer about four years ago and I had no worry -- whatever will be will be.

I'm terribly sorry that your sister has cancer. I hope that her surgery goes well. As for the prospect of dying, I think that people have different reactions. My mom seemed to be at peace with it, but by the time she went, she was unwell and most of her siblings and lifelong friends had already passed.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/04/2017 11:15AM by summer.

Melanoma (if that is the type she has) appears to be faster and more lethal than the average prostate cancer. I'd be upset too. If I had some basal cell or squamous type instead, I wouldn't be as upset. It's all in the type and aggressiveness.

At least she made it to 70. I've known young folk with melanoma. It's rough.

If I were religious, and actually believed that crap, I'd be pretty worried about meeting Judgement God. Just look at God's priorities here. He doesn't exactly seem nice.

That said, prostate cancer sounds awful. I'm glad you had a view and attitude that could deal with it. I share your outlook.

My neighbor has had melanoma a few times over the years and despite some big chunks removed from his face, you can't tell unless you really have to look. He's about 70. It's a toss-up.

I think skin specialist to need to ensure that the area about the first-mole extraction is "clear" and that the division's zones determine no melanoma, equally at first covering underneath.

I have had several types of cancers. Fortunately the ones on my face were basal cell carcinomas. However, a large chunk on my nose was removed and I needed plastic surgery to repair it. The only other pain that was as intense as the PS was that from a kidney stone.

Being a believer has nothing to do with the the fear one encounters with a disturbing diagnosis, or the physical pain one encounters with surgery and chemotherapy.

I'm not afraid of death because either there is nothing or something more. Buy dying scares the shit out of me. The Boner.

Being afraid of death and dangers is human and normal, no matter what religion you follow or whether you follow a religion at all. It is part of being human, and we should accept it as such.

But then there are also people who don't get scared when their death approaches. My grandmother was excited about it. She had heard of dying all her life, and now she was finally going to see what it is like.

Cancer is evil and does not care a whit about what church you go to, what color your skin is or what language you speak or how righteous you are. If that were the case serial killers would all die from it instead of the people we love who always seem to be it's victims.

RB

I hear you, Ron.

:(

I also have skin cancer. Not melanoma however. I had one surgically removed and the surgery is healing fine. As for death. The only thing that any of us are guaranteed, having been born, is that we will die. So my advice to everybody is this:"Live every day so that you can look any man in the face and tell him to go straight to hell!
I am ready for the hereafter. I bought a $2.00 harp and a $10.00 coal shovel.

Gordon B. Hinckley had colorectal cancer. At 95, he had laparoscopic surgery, rather than full-on abdominal surgery, to have the tumor removed, and went through chemo. Two years later it came back, and possibly because he was afraid of dying (at 97), he had another round of chemo. That round killed him in a few days, as some people predicted. Now, why, being a so-called prophet and being so close to 100, wouldn't Hinckley elect to just suck it up and die? Who knows how long he might have lived without that final dose of chemo? But it would have been more than just one week.

A priesthood blessing should clear that right up.
If not, she's just not faithful enough.
Or she can do like my white and delightsome Mom and have the skin cancer burned off of her face every month.
THey've gotten pretty good at treating that shit.

When a TBM told me he is not scared at all of having an upcoming heart triple bypass operation, I thought, and was certain, he was going to say "because I know the church is true". Instead he said, "because The operation has a very high success rate".

I had heard that phrase "I know the church is true" so many times that I thought maybe there really is something tangible to this claim of seemingly absolute certain knowledge?

Instead I discovered that Mormons say that because they are programmed cult recruits just following the expected group think protocol and don't think clearly of exactly what they are declaring or perhaps not really believe it themselves in the manner they claim it.

So yes, Mormons don't want to go to CK as they may have a gut instinct it's either BS or that they won't make it. Not very comforting, being in a cult that demands works and obedience and members fear they are not doing enough.

By the way as Obie Kanobie would say(horrible spelling) May the force be with her!!

I am sorry this is happening I hope your sister can stay well and things turn out very well for her.

A shop owner and teacher I knew 25 years ago had a plastic 1/2 her nose and cheek on one side because of skin cancer. my dear departed adopted green eyed Swedish Irish ma, had dozens of skin cancers including multiple cuts on her face till she stopped wearing any make up save a streak of lipstick. She always dreaded "having a hole in my nose" or cancer "going through my skin." It did and she died.

Your sister is right to fear . Walking forward under fearful circumstances is brave. Praise her bravery.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/04/2017 09:27PM by paintinginthewin.

The old joke of course is: Everybody wants to go to heaven . . . but nobody wants to die.

Seriously, however, cancer is truly scary, whether one is a believer or not. I'm agnostic yet being diagnosed with Stage IIIC cancer has scared me in a way that is hard to describe. About all I can say is that confronting mortality has left me fervently wishing I'd never been born.

I have a friend whose son was diagnosed with leukemia at age 9. After two years of treatment, including a stem cell transplant, his son has been in remission for several years. However, my friend told me that had he and his wife known their son would get leukemia, they never would have had him. Although it sounds selfish, I think I understand what he is saying. The only thing I can think of that would be more difficult than confronting mortality would be confronting one's child's mortality.

I think people cling to religion to help with the fear of dying. For some people it probably doesn't help much once dying is a reality.

I wish your sister the best and hope she'll be fine. I hope it's not melanoma. However, melanoma is one of the cancers most responsive to the new immunotherapy drugs -- Opdivo and Keytruda, so there is more hope now than even a couple of years ago.

A cancer diagnosis is very scary, TBM or whatever.

Hoping your sister gets the kind of support she needs, both emotional and medical.

Whatever your sister's emotional reaction, it is "normal" for her.

It's enough work for me to remain in the moment, than to try to judge what might be "normal" for others. Add to that the layers of abuse from TSCC, and my first jump would be to think that being TBM could make such a diagnosis more difficult, because of both internal and external judgements.

"Why is she (am I) being "punished?""
"Why is she (am I) not happy about going to heaven"
"Doesn't God love me? Haven't I been good? Why is he mad at me and does it mean I won't be favored in heaven?"

Omg, and the list of abuses goes on.


Thoughts of pain and the process of dying, fear of the real, may overwhelm any comfort she derives from thoughts of what happens following death. Her fears may have little to do with the strength of her faith.

If asked for my (atheist) opinion of the hereafter, probably not likely, but if my dying sister, or even a dying stranger, wanted me to affirm her faith, I would not try to disabuse her of her beliefs. I would allow her to espouse whatever assumptions brought her comfort. I would turn the question around, ask what SHE think happens, let her go on and on, smile quietly and knowingly, and give a squeeze of the hand or a hug if appropriate.

Since I believe nothing happens after death, I can only offer kindness in life. I have no moral qualms about "my authenticity" in this situation. I would choose to be authentically kind, over being authentically (IMHO->) correct.

The kind of cancer is an issue. Some skin cancers are more serious than others, but every kind triggers dread when patients are told. Hope this goes well for your sister.

There's a guy where I go for treatment who's had several bouts with skin cancer. It gets treated in one spot only to crop up again somewhere else. It spreads through his lymph nodes.

So he has surgery to remove the targeted lymph nodes. Then follows that up with radiation treatments. Since he cannot have chemo due to his other ailments.

He looks surprisingly good for someone in his 70's and a heart transplant patient. He jokes this isn't what the "golden years" are all cracked up to be because that was when his health went south.