I'm not as upset by dollars wasted in tithing, or hours spent in pointless church meetings, or time wasted in church callings, even though that does anger me.

What I'm most upset about is that I BELIEVED it all. No, not just believed, I KNEW it was true. I KNEW Joseph Smith was a prophet. I knew the "church was true." I knew it. It was a fact for me, one I lived and breathed. THAT is what really gets to me. That emotionally and mentally, I was in so deep that I would have given everything I had for the church, including my life.

And it was all a lie. All a fraud. A disgusting fake. God, how do I "recover" from that knowledge? When will it stop hurting so badly to know reality?

And all those people, still believing it, still "knowing" it? I hate that I can't save them from it. I hate the mormon CULT

I think we have all been there. I felt like a fool for a very long time. I still do sometimes.

I think it just takes time (and venting).

You probably didn't 'believe' it. If you were Born in the Church, you were trained as surely as you potty train a child. BRAINWASHED. You went to school to learn to read and write and all those other things, but in this one area your brain was nearly hard-wired - for a long time it probably wasn't capable of THINKING about the whole subject of religion. Look around, the world is full of people who are sure that the religion they were born in is the only one and true faith. Same reason.

Brainwashing is really difficult to break. Be proud and happy that you were finally able to realize at least that truth.

Make each day count. Be an example to your LDS friends and maybe they'll eventually want to talk about it. But you cannot MAKE them listen, because they CAN'T. And a lot of them are way too scared to even TRY. They have too much to lose. They don't want to lose their families. That is the ultimate stick that the LDS Church holds over their members. And it is a really damn big stick.

There is still so much to enjoy in the world that doesn't have to depend upon the LDS church. Sunsets. Pretty women / men. Puppies. There is not enough time to do, visit, read, etc. all the things that are worthwhile out there.

The anger subsides a bit after a while. Take your time. I've lurked a long time here intermittently and only recently started posting. The one thing that is nice is that in general the people here are mostly supportive and friendly - albeit with a few barbs, sarcasm (my personal favorite), funny stuff thrown in. You can learn a lot about the world and the LDS faith here. I know its false and yet LDS history, beliefs, and religion in general still fascinate me (in a CSI sort-of way).

And compared to news sites with political stuff, everyone here is a positive ANGEL Moroni! :)

I understand how it feels to have your whole belief system yanked out from under you. To realize what you've wasted. And to have to rebuild your life.


I've been out 11 years. The first year was the worst. After that, it was a process of reinventing myself. It was worth it for me. I'm glad to be free of the manipulation and never feeling I was good enough (even though I followed the rules and tried to do everything I was ever asked to do . . . to the point of stupidity). It was always the sins of "omission" that I was perpetually guilty about.

Life is better outside of the church. You're one of the LUCKY ones. Most people who are full believers are stuck in for life, believing a lie (or just going along so they won't lose their family and friends . . . and there are a LOT of those), wasting their time, money, and their one and only life up for a fraud.

You have a chance to do something different.

There's a big world out there, and it's a lot more beautiful, interesting, and loving that the small and fear-inducing worldview of Mormonism would have led you to believe.

The only part that's real is the effect these lies have on good people like you.

at least you found out the truth,think of all those mormons who precious lives will have been wasted all because of the lies and fraud of the con man joseph smith............

time for you to live your life but be responsible........

every year and day wasted in mormonism is time one could be doing so much good in the world............ and living their dreams..

it hurts at first but know that you are one of the blessed ones who got out with your mind and health intact.....

think of those who are still trapped your a lucky one....

you is now free..................the sweet taste of freedom....

so many take it for granted..........but to rediscover freedom again really makes you appreciate it all the more this time around.......

mormonism is bondage and chains............

so count your blessings.....



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/31/2011 04:48AM by crazydaze.

You sound so much like me when I first discovered the truth. It's absolutely shocking. You just can't believe that it can actually be proven as a fraud. It stuns you, and yet you can't deny what you now really know, as opposed to what you thought you knew.

Before you had a belief. Now you have a knowledge, and you understand the difference.

I remember well the feeling that I wanted to save all of my loved-ones.

I liken it to a box of kittens. They all live happily in their cuddly little world, in their box. You're the kitten who jumped out, stood there stunned for a few moments, and then looked back.

What?! Whoa! I was living in a box, and I didn't even know it!

You discover that there's a whole new colourful world out here to explore. You instantly want to call to the other kittens to come out of the box. But they feel safe in the box and they don't want to come out.

They refuse to even belief that they are in a box. They think you've fallen off a cliff and that you're trying to call them out to their doom.

I learned that, sadly, some kittens actually need to stay in the box in order to survive. Or at least they think they do. It does get better. You do learn to go off exploring, leaving the other kittens behind.

You never stop feeling sad that they refuse to even listen to you, but you can at least understand that they're okay. They feel safe and secure and that's where they want to be.

But, once you've discovered the rest of the world, there's no going back. So all you can do is go off to new adventures. The journey can be pretty exciting, and it does get better.

You do heal. A part of you will always be angry at being lied to, and you have a right to be angry. But it doesn't stay at the surface so much, and you can go on and create a new and much better life for yourself.

I can tell you that there's such a wonderful feeling of peace and freedom that happens once you begin to lead a genuine life. One not based on lies. You gain a lot of self-esteem when you live being true to yourself.

I wish you all the best in your recovery.

I wonder what the Warchowsky Brothers could do with that.

the Kitty Matrix.

I can't add anything to Greyfort's post(says it all) except, don't feel like the lone ranger. We all were duped. You have just got to learn to laugh it off.

Remember when you were a kid and someone hid behind a door or around a corner, and jumped out as you came by? First you freak out, scream like a 4 year old girl, flail your arms as if they have no bones in them, pee your pants, and possibly run into a wall trying to get away from the boogey man.

Then as you come back to your senses you are briefly very mad at the "trusted friend" who betrayed you, and embarassed at how ridiculous you must have looked to everyone else in the room. Then you calm down and start to laugh at yourself, and the whole event becomes funny.

I think you are just getting past the initial shock, and begining the mad & embarassed faze. It will get funny! Yeah it sucks we wasted a part of our lives on this, but it gives us great stories to tell nevermo's at parties.

Welcome to the board!

To Greyfort - that was the best explanation I have ever heard. I got teary eyed as I read your post. It has almost been 4 years for me and my immediate family. I still come and read daily - hardly ever post - this is my new family - therapy. I wouldn't have made it without this forum. I would have felt to lonely. So my advice, come here often. We have all been through what you are feeling, and yes it does get better. Welcome!

Its called Plato's Cave.

Would you mind telling us how you found out?

The thing to remember is that no matter how painful, the very fact that it is false should remind you that you won't be damned for your discovery.

Remember too, that as you progress down this disurbing road toward reality, healing and truth that many thousands of people have been where you are, are currently where you are, and many more are coming up behind you. You are not alone. Do not be afraid.

You will find that many people here are great at helping us come to terms with our fears, pains, anger, distrust, and even our joys, losses and successes.

Welcome.

don't blame the Church, if it wasn't Church it'd be some other entity you'd be suckered in; a husband, employer, business associate...anybody could do it.
Good thing for you is, you realized the situation. Be happy.
In my book you are ahead.

Hurting,

many people here have gone through what you are now going through. But always remember, it's not your fault that mormanism is a fraud.

hope your journey gets better day by day.

Hurting,

I second the other posters who say that you are not alone! Each one of us had to go through the painful process of seeing the church for what it really is. I also "knew" that it was true. I am not exaggerating when I say I would have jumped off a cliff at the prophet's request. When I figured out that it was false, it was like Jim Carrey sailing into a concrete wall at the end of the Truman show (highly recommended, btw.) It was shocking, confusing, exhilarating- and for a while, I was mad.

After I got over the initial shock, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted. I no longer had to make excuses for Mormonism or feel like I wasn't good enough. I despise the LDS church, but I have to laugh when I think of the things I used to believe, like being terrified to drive down 1-15 without my garments on. Luckily, I saw the postmormon.org billboard, and the rest is history.

Like every section of life there are good times and there are bad times .. Think of you work or your marriage, and see that they at least there are good time interspersed with the bad. Take the church and all the socials and dances and friends and experiences .. Forget the obnoxious people and silly practices.

You can find good times everywhere.

JB

I know - I could have handled a lot of things about the church history, doctrine and practices because no church is perfect. But the lying was a deal breaker. The fact that I made all my major life decisions based on a lie - who I married, where I married, where I went to college, who my friends and influences were, how little emphasis I put on my career because I was taught motherhood was more important...ALL BASED ON A LIE.

I sold out myself because I believed a lie. But here is the good part. I didn't live and die in that lie. I was freed and better late than never. I have a chance now to find myself. I realize I'm not the only one who was suckered into this mess. Life is so much better outside the church, almost as if you can see the colors more brightly, love your people more unconditionally, laugh more loudly. Being lied to may be a thorn in your side for a while. Personally, I still have trust issues with believing anything nowadays. But it's just a thorn and your life is a rose in full bloom now if you will let it. As they say, focus on the rose, not the thorn.

I looked up Plato's Cave. I made up the kitten story two years ago, when I explained it to my friend who I'd just tried to rescue from the Church, and she wasn't too pleased with me. LOL

But I'm not surprised to find that it is an old idea, as it just makes sense.