Hi all, been quite a while since was last here and when I thought I had managed to sort out in my head about my conversion to the cult (YES it is a cult and good luck trying to convince me otherwise), the shit that they done to turn me into a drone, the shit I done in the service of those bastards which I feel nothing but shame about and then the crap and complete head screw when I walked away.

I really thought I had finally had got over the cult experience and then it all comes back. All the pain, anger and shame that i allowed my mind to be taken control of a cult and done their bidding in destroying lives.

If anyone out there is reading this and thinking the cultists are really friendly, out for your best interests (its making me feel sick just typing this) and are your friends, think again. All they are after is everything they can suck out of you and not just financially. They dont know what friendship is.

Let me give you an example, the missionaries. I'm out doing life sfuff and they come up and start doing their sales spiel so I (always in a polite way, no need to be a dick straight off the bat) tell them that I'm not really interested and I probably know more about their outfit than what they do and then ask how they are doing with the stresses they are under, being restriced to 2 phone calls home a year, diet and such like as genuine concern and trying to see past the nameplate and talk to the person. And then when they find out I resigned back in '12 it gets crazy, I actually had some kid who was barely old enough to shave raise his hand to the square and demand I repent and come back. A classic example of how they will treat you like a leper was a few weeks ago I got chatted up by a couple of "sisters" and next time they seen me they started their approach, clocked it was me and done the best left wheel I have ever seen with one spitting out "fallen priesthood" to her companion. How polite.

What always gets me with these conversations is I think "i used to be like that". I actually believed their bullshit and was used to further their aganda. I was that bastard who when was made clerk was asked to clean up the membership records and sent out goons to track people down to drag them back in. Generating attendance registers for all the ward classes inc. sac meeting (yup they monitor everything) to see who's not attending. I actually thought HTing was about looking after the members and not seeing it as a monthly visit from the Thought Police. To all those out there who were a victim of my actions, I'm really fucking sorry and I hope you finally did get away from those bastards.

In a post a few days ago someone said that you never forget them moment where you go "hang on...", for me that was the monthly Thought Police visits. We had a really nice old dude who used to go to the ward. He wasnt able to be baptised due to him having learning difficulties but they still had him along. Its all about those numbers. The cruncher was when we were visiting him my HT companion and while we were helping him write his will he started putting the screws on the old dude to leave everything to the cult, and I mean really put the screws on. At this point there was no way I was going to be a witness to this and sign the paper and pulled my companion into the kitchen and said so. The response of "he has noone else to leave it to and it will go in building the kingdom". That was it. This after being told by various leaders to stop asking questions, the false smiles and the bullshit was the day I never went back.

Maybe one day the scars will heal, but I doubt it.

In signing off all I can say is: FUCK THE MORMON CULT

but then the scabs get ripped off. I'm far from where I was so many years ago, but then something will happen. Too bad you keep running into the missionaries.

I had a different experience with ONE missionary. I was walking my dogs during church and I saw the missionaries coming. One of them asked me if I attended a different ward and I said that I had resigned. He didn't give me any grief. He told me that they'd love to do some service projects for me (he told me they have nothing to do) and that he wouldn't bring up religion at all! I believed him. I said no.

BUT the other missionaries who have knocked on my door haven't been as "kind."

But there will always be issues for me especially with my daughter being TBM. She thinks I'm the one to save. She doesn't do the same things to her dad and brother as she does me, at least not her brother any longer as he told her off. She asked her father to the ward Christmas party. I have to laugh. He's gay. So I got a big kick out of that one. We've lived here or I have for 32 years. Most people know him and that he is gay. I guess she's given up on mom.

It never completely goes away.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/18/2018 01:41PM by cl2.

I've been out for 17 years and I can assure you it gets better. Some of the positive things I have learned from my years in the cult include: Why every other christian religion is wrong, and a real understanding and insight into what it is like to be in a cult. I'm also happy to report that my bullshit detector is much more active and better tuned. I hear lots of new-age-crap from my liberal friends and I can tell it is just garbage. I also have a lot of empathy for people who are living in a cult. I am currently blacklisted from the ward I'm living in so I don't get any visits from the missionaries. I see them on our street and they skip my house.

I'm moving soon and I hope to have some more contact with them in my new location.

The mammoth scars left by the cult will shrink over time. They will always be there but they become more manageable.

The evil done to me will never heal and the memories and the scars will always remain i have realized. Trying to live a normal life but it is impossible it seems. I watched a movie called 'Equilibrium' yesterday and it reminded me of the cult. Keeping everyone in their society docile and killing everyone that were feeling true emotions. It is a crazy movie to watch after leaving a cult.

I suggest you don't enter these conversations with brainwashed cultist missionaries.

They aren't capable of logic or give and take. Just tell them you're willing to discuss their church and keep walking. You'll avoid the frustration.

I really agree with this advice. Talking to them is just upsetting you. Try to focus on how thankful you are to be free of them.

You don't have to engage. You can say "Not interested" and then just move on or completely ignore them. Don't engage, just act as though they aren't there. Soon they won't be there, and you can go back to whatever you were doing which had to be more productive than talking to Mormons.

Scorching post, O'Brien. High five. Same for me. For so many years I didn't even think about the Mormon church after I left except dealing with the extreme TBM family.

Decades later it all suddenly surfaced with a vengeance. I had buried it all so deep and never processed any of it. Didn't even realize I needed to do that--that I had been boiling inside all along.

Scars can also be markers of lessons learned and battles won I would say, but the Mormon cult past is still always in the wings and can cut us again a few more times with the memory that we were robbed of so much.

Let it all out. I don't bury it anymore and I don't take the high road when it comes to Mormons.

It's been a while since I have had mishies at my door. I think it is because the last they basically asked for me by name then said that I have been missing a lot of church lately. One: how would they know unless they are talking to someone in the ward. Two: do they really expect me to humbly fall at their feet and beg forgiveness?

My answer was very truthful: "No, I haven't. I haven't missed going to church one little bit!"

They didn't know how to respond and turned and walked away. Haven't dealt with them since.

I guess the ward that I "live" in is OK since they really don't bother me.