My family, friends, and neighbors are all mormon. Everyone thinks I am too. I absolutely hate it. I go to church every week trying to look normal. I don't know why I do it. Part of the reason I can't leave is because I am only 16. I could just stop going but I know they would try to make me come back. I am torn between the only life that I've ever known and leaving a cult.

Here are my personal problems with the church:
1. They baptize so young. When I was 8, my mom asked me if I wanted to become a member. Of course I said yes, because I was brainwashed since birth to accept it. They make it seem like a choice but in reality, you are predisposed to only the good parts of TSCC. Some kids this age still believe in Santa. It's not fair to the kid at all to place this decision on them when they can't even think for themselves yet.
2. I am pretty sure 90% of the youth are in the same situation as me, and they just hide it. I think when people reach a certain age, they just find it hard to believe something that is entirely made up. Sadly, they just label this as "doubts" and continue to stay in the cult. The church uses seminary as a tactic to keep these types of kids in the "gospel." I hate seminary. I have decided I am not going to go this year.
3. Why do church leaders feel the need to bring up anything LGBT related every single time? Like they will causally be preaching away and then they'll drop "oh and whatever the government decides does not change our beliefs regarding the family." "I saw two men kissing and it was disgusting." not to mention instead of saying "gay" it's "people struggling with same sex attraction." They are all blatant homophones and as someone who is bisexual, all I can do is sit and listen.

TL;DR I hate the church and I want to leave.
that said, is there any advice for leaving the church as a teenager? Should I pretend until college or just get out right now? Thanks in advance.

I was never a Mormon, but I was baptized Presbyterian as a baby. Other churches baptize even younger than Mormons do. Of course, they usually make you take a "confirmation" class before you become a church member. I believe that happened for me when I was ten. Even then, I didn't know what my church taught until I was an adult and worked at a Presbyterian church camp. That was despite attending almost every Sunday until I was about 16.

I don't blame you for hating church. In fact, I think it's a sign that you're normal. My husband's daughters are LDS. I have only met them once because their mother didn't think I shared her "high" standards. I remember the one time I met them, they spoke only of church stuff. They were 9 and 12 at the time (and are now grown). I remember thinking it was so weird that they were so religious at that age.

I also don't blame you for wanting to leave the church. It may not seem like it now, but it won't be long before you can make that decision for yourself. The older you get, the more time flies. Hang in there. It does get better.

Sadly you'll probably have to stay until you are on your own.

In the mean time here is a trap to avoid. Often the church will pile callings and pressure on kids that openly express doubt in an effort to reactivate them.

NEVER EVER EVER confess anything to the bishop. Period. Never express a doubt. Never tell him you ever made out with a boy. Always come off as pure and obedient. This will keep you off their radar and hopefully put you in that group needing fewer interviews.

If you're going to college, remember you may need to do it on your own without help from parents. So buckle down and study and hopefully get a scholarship.

Good luck to you.

I know because I was 16 when I first tried to leave. It didn't work because after digging in my heels for a few months, they forced me back.

I suggest you bide your time.

You hate it, but you're still considered to be a minor "child," and they can force you to comply with their will.

I don't know about your parents, but others have forced teens into counseling with the bishop on a weekly basis. They've also taken away TV and computer privileges and refused to let kids get drivers licenses or have access to a car. Parents and the church community can get ugly. A few kids have even been turned out of the house or been told they will get no help with college.

It's difficult, but I think you should continue to go to church. Do the minimum. Stay home occasionally and skip a meeting here and there if you can. Take something covertly read at church or a game you like to play.

Start laying the groundwork for NOT going on a mission. Say you need time to feel secure in doing the right thing. You want to get a year or two of college in which would help you mature before you decide.

Do your chores and work hard on your grades. Parents are impressed by such efforts. Volunteer to help around the house and don't talk back or be rude. All of this is very difficult but it will pay off.

If you can, get a job and save your money in your own name. If you have to work on Sunday, so much the better.

If you can afford to go away to college, you can slack off of church activities and find your own authenticity in time.

I'm sorry I did not have this advice at your age. I hope you will take it seriously.

Good luck to you. You deserve it.

Welcome!

I agree with Cheryl to do the minimum, fly below the radar, save your money, and plan for your future.

You expressed a thought that, in my mind, had never before stepped forward for consideration:

Probably close to 100% of BIC kids who are baptized at age 8 still believe in Santa Claus.



Also, getting a job that allows you to work on Sundays is always good for easing the pressure.

I'm not sure I'm in sync with the idea that most kids still believe in Santa Claus and in the related myths at the age of eight. In my family most of the children seem to give it up within a year of hitting the public school system - usually by the age of six. Of course there are kids who do still believe in it at eight, but I doubt they're the majority. Regardless, no kid should be baptized who still believes in Santa.

If it were made a condition for baptism, Mormons wouldn't look at it in an appropriate way. Instead of telling themselves, "Developmentally, my child is still at the stage that he believes in silly fantasies. His ability to reason, to think logically, and to be somewhat accountable for his choices and actions isn't where it needs to be in order for baptism to happen at this time." Instead, Mormons would just tell their kids that Santa is a hoax shortly before the pre-baptism interview. That would mean the child knew Santa was a hoax, but it would have nothing to do with the child's ability to process information in a mature manner. It would merely mean that the kid had been clued in as to how Santa's gifts magically appear under the tree each year.

Either way, it's an interesting point you've introduced.

I shan't quibble as to the age of disbelief in Santa, mostly because I recognize that your basis for lowering the age is spot on: school.

It's the thought that most parents are seemingly amused by teaching their kids about Santa Claus, and certainly "being good" and leaving an offering of cookies and milk to propitiate the old, bearded visitor are part of the pageant...

It strikes me that introducing the notion of, "Hey, they lied to you about Santa Claus, and I'm telling you that they're either lying or are sadly misinformed about Joseph Smith and all his elves!"

Lying for Santa Claus and the Lord...

Elderolddog, I've read many opinions about Santa, most of them strongly against perpetuating the myth. It is with some qualms that I participate to some degree. I think you're right, but a Santa version of Christmas was something I so enjoyed as a child that I want to pass it on to my kids. Perhaps I'll regret it, and perhaps I won't. I'm not going to take it to outrageous lengths, and when the kids ask questions I will answer honestly. They're three and almost three now, so I probably have at least another year to go, and possibly two.

My wife had a sixth-grader in her class whose mother threw a hissy fit when another kid asked my wife, "At what age did you stop believing in Santa?" and my wife answered honestly without thinking. These were eleven and twelve-year-olds, after all. Who would have thought anyone in the group would still have believed? I would start to question the intelligence of a kid who isn't extensively sheltered from all media who makes it to the age of ten with belief of Santa intact.

In the late 90s and early aughts, I was teaching third grade in a nice neighborhood where holidays were very important to the community. About half of the third graders were on to the Santa myth by Christmas and half were not. The ones who knew were really good about not sharing the "news" with their friends.

But since then, and in other schools, the 2nd graders all know. I can't speak as to the earlier grades.

summer Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> In the late 90s and early aughts, I was teaching
> third grade in a nice neighborhood where holidays
> were very important to the community. About half
> of the third graders were on to the Santa myth by
> Christmas and half were not. The ones who knew
> were really good about not sharing the "news" with
> their friends.
>
> But since then, and in other schools, the 2nd
> graders all know. I can't speak as to the earlier
> grades.

The Santa disbelief seems to be getting earlier all the time, Summer, especially with media exposure. When I was a pre-schooler, my parents had an idea of what movies "outed" Santa, and we didn't watch them while someone still believed. Parents aren't nearly so vigilant about monitoring TV-watching these days. An inadvertent Santa "outing" would be the very least of the objections most parents today would have regarding what is on TV.

Maybe there's a reason the belief in Santa continues longer in some regions than in others. I really don't know. Home-schoolers might believe for longer without the rest of the school cluing them in except that a whole lot of home-schoolers practice religions that at least discourage Santa belief if allowing it at all. Kids around here probably aren't quite so good about keep quiet about Santa. All it takes is one very loud and evangelical "No Santa" proponent for an entire class to be informed.

If i could go back i would have tried my very best to resign and get help from CPS and get the hell out of my home at any cost. You don't want to pretend until you are in your thirties trust me.

One of my bishops in high school was open minded enough to encourage his own children, and the children of the ward (at teenage level and older,) to get out and visit other religions if you have questions about Mormonism. He was so certain that his own children and by extension the church kids would find out on our own that TSCC is true by visiting other denominations. We'd see for ourselves by comparing them they couldn't hold a candlestick to Mormonism.

Only he was wrong there.

My point is, you may be able to say to your parents that because of your having doubts at your age, you'd really appreciate if they'd let you visit other churches instead of the LDS on Sundays to worship at. It will get you out of your 'comfort zone,' and at least give your parents a sense of relief that you aren't rejecting their values while you are searching to define what it is you are to believe.

It may help if they're as open as my former bishop was with his own children and the ward children, by extension. That bishop was a scientist, btw, in his day job. He was perhaps one of the most intellectual bishops I've known, while having a genuine love for the youth of the ward. He spent literally hours in interviews one-on-one with the kids, including his own. When you went in for an interview with him in the morning, you packed a lunch because we knew we were going to be there all day lol.

sometimes good bishops are really the worst/ bad bishops as their positive attributes helps keep certain people (of us) in THE (MORmON) church longer than a bad bishop who might have precipitated an exit from THE (MORmON) church for some of us much much sooner with his poor behavior.

My self esteem had suffered greatly because of the cult. I can't go back in time, and that makes me angry. I basically started telling my parents how things are going to be with me, and they just went along with it. I guess they were trying to make up for the fact that I was molested as a child and they did nothing. They said they thought they were doing the right thing, what the church really taught them: forgiveness. BS, they are just weak individuals. You need to rise up against your parents and take control of your life. If you do it right, they will do what you say.

jett Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My self esteem had suffered greatly because of the
> cult. I can't go back in time, and that makes me
> angry. I basically started telling my parents how
> things are going to be with me, and they just went
> along with it. I guess they were trying to make
> up for the fact that I was molested as a child and
> they did nothing. They said they thought they
> were doing the right thing, what the church really
> taught them: forgiveness. BS, they are just weak
> individuals. You need to rise up against your
> parents and take control of your life. If you do
> it right, they will do what you say.

D@mn we are kind of similar in a scary way. Parents defending the church and turning against me after i was attacked. My self-esteem was gone after that as well, still don't have much of one. It was me against the 'true church' with god on their side. Life seemed unwinnable after that. How can you beat god himself? I just did not know how.

I didn't know about resigning (or getting/ excommunicating tLDS) when I was your age, so I went ACTIVE in life (inactive LDS).

Decades later, I resigned.

Run/ walk away.
Curse the 'church'
(As it curseth you).

Stand up for others.
Tell the truth!
(Something Mormons can't do).
Use your FREE- Agency.

Grow away from the cult
(Church of the Ultimate Lame Times)

M@t

“Part of the reason I can't leave is because I am only 16.”

I’d say that’s the main reason. Forget about leaving until you’re on your own. That means making the best of the situation you’re currently in. Get creative, just like you would in a paying job, because you’re receiving a great number of benefits for the small price of “playing Mormon”.

You have the advantage of knowing it’s all made up. I didn’t know. Nobody told me. It would have made a difference. Since you can see the enemy, they can’t get inside your head.

Your parents have chosen to live in the collective delusion of Mormonism. Unfortunately, you are along for the ride until the river is safely crossed.

Yes if someone told me it was all made up back in the day before the internet it could of made all of the difference. I spent so many years thinking they were right and i was wrong. A homeless guy did try to tell me about crazy stuff happening in the temple when i was a kid though. My father just said he ewas just making crap up. Looks like he wasn't.

As mentioned above, get a job so you can do something useful and educational. Yes, kids need to learn how to get and hold a job and show up and stay off their phones, etc, etc.

Amazing all the supposed education kids get for years, and they don't know how to dress for an interview, or fill out an application, or how to work.

Save your money so you can bail as soon as possible.

And make sure the job has Sunday shifts. Tell your parents you are like all the LDS professional athletes that have to work on Sunday.

About item 3, Dallin H Oaks has made “the gay issue” his personal crusade for over half a century. If there were no Oaks, the current LGBT might not be so extreme. The quorum of the 12 is an echo chamber where he with the biggest mouth wins.

For all of their talk about being persecuted, they do a lot of persecution. When science contradicts their beliefs, they deny science. The evidence is pretty solid that sexual orientation isn’t a choice, but they ignore it.

This kind of willful blindness isn’t a fluke. It’s by design. It’s all a careful mind screw that purposely disempowers the individual, inhibits critical thinking, and hijacks free will for the purpose of extracting money. Thus does TSCC have them in its awful chains, and doth speedily drag them down to hell.

You are so LUCKY !!!!!!

IF ONLY, I had been as aware of glaring shortcomings of MORmONISM and Its UTTERLY HOPELESS lack of validity to subsequently have the fitting pent up resentment that you currently feel in order to be so primed to completely exit MORmONISM at the onset of adulthood, as you are !!!!

Instead, I wasted another 20 years of my life, right out of the prime of my life,until age 38, turning in stupid senseless MORmON circles to try please and satisfy other very stupid selfish people, trying to make sense of stupid hopelessly flawed evil vile MORmONISM.

.....YOU ARE SO LUCKY !!!!!!

Kudos to you for thinking and for thinking outside the box! Keep doing this.

Others on this post have offered advice that I agree will help you through these last years. Play it cool and follow your parents rules, get a job which includes working on Sunday, and never ever tell the bishop anything. Save sharing "I don't believe that", until you are clear and free and living on your own.

Best of luck to you, and do keep us in the loop of how things are going and giving us a chance to help if we can.