I reconnected with my birth parents back in high school and I’ve just been calling them by their first names. Lately, I’ve started to wonder if they’re hurt by this because I’m not acknowledging them as my mom and dad. It makes our relationship kind of odd...like I’m not sure what we mean to eachother. I’m way too nervous to bring this up directly (especially when it’s not in a face-to-face convo).

Do you think I’m hurting their feelings by being on a first name basis?

I called my mother Joyce till the day she died and she didn’t put me up for adoption.

Well, I think the fastest and most accurate thing to do is ask

your parents instead of a message board. Right?

Why don't you ask them what they prefer?

I certainly think you are hurting their feelings. Why would you call them by their names? Seems illogical to me. Be thankful you have two parents that are alive and that you can talk to and call them "mom" and "dad"!

I would consider it to be disrespectful if my kids called me by name.

The people you need to be having that conversation with are your birth parents. You can express your feelings to them about feeling awkward about what to call them, and ask them how they feel about it. I realize that it will be a difficult conversation, but IMO it will help to move your relationship forward.

Some children do call their parents by their first names (by mutual agreement.) Using "mom" and "dad" is not universal.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/03/2018 08:54AM by summer.

Who raised you? Who was there for you when you couldn’t take care of yourself? I would think that your adopted parents would have earned the designation of mom and dad. Of course I’m presuming this from your use of “ birth parents”. Being a mom and a dad takes more than just a biological process.

Of course if everyone is comfortable with this, including your adoptive parents...it’s your call.

Do you give them Mother’s Day and Father’s Day cards? If so, I’d call them Mom n Dad.

Anyway, yes I think not doing so would be hurtful. After calling them Mom n Dad a few times, I think you would be very comfortable saying it.

—especially if they introduce you as their son.

I would never have called my folks by their first names out of my respect and love for them. It took me 10 years to call my MIL by her first name. My daughter in law always called my wife "mom". Love her for that.

What's your relationship with your birth parents? Has there ever been a parent/child connection between everyone?

Without knowing why the gave you up to adoption, it's difficult to make a determination of what the relationship should be.

Are they now trying to establish the parent/child relationship? Will it be a co-parent situation with the parents that raised you, or are they trying to butt them out of the picture?

Too many questions that should be answered.

The simplest solution, as others have suggested, is to ask them how they want to be addressed.

I see those terms more for those who rear kiddies from an early age. Whatever seems natural and acceptable to you and your birth parents is what you need to do after you ask their preference.

If you start calling birth parents mom and dad, you then will have to worry about whether adoptive parents are offended.

Just call everyone "Hezekiah Braxton" and explain that you are being charmingly quirky.

They're grown adults. If it bothers them, it's up to them to say something. They are responsible for their own emotions. You are not responsible for how they feel (unless you're doing something to deliberately hurt them, which you aren't).

If you are not comfortable calling them Mom and Dad, that's completely fine. You are allowed to do what works for you, and if it bothers them, they can address it and I'm sure all three of you can mutually come up with a solution that works.