Mind you, I haven't attended church in over 2 years. I was at my daughter's swim meet yesterday when a member of a ward I was in about 5 years ago recognized me. This is how the conversation went:

Him: Hey, Jerry, right?

Me: Close, it's ____, but hey it's been a while.

Him: I'm _____ I went to church with you in xx ward.

Me: Yup, I knew you looked familiar!

Him: So are you still in xx ward? We moved to a different stake. (big old smile on his face).

Me: Nope. I don't go to church anymore. I'm not even a member, I left the church.

Him: (Smile faded). Oh, uhhhh, how's the rest of things? Your parents still in the ward?

Me: Those are my ex wife's parents, but yes they are still there. I'm divorced.

Him: (Smile almost gone) Well, uh, what else are you up to?


Then we had a small conversation about my work and stuff, then shook hands and I sat down. It was so funny to see the expressions on his face. When there's no church to talk about, the conversation gets tough for Mo's! We finally talked about what other non mo's would talk about at the end, but it didn't last long.

Another interesting point is that I saw this guy sitting in the waiting room of the marriage counselor my ex wife and I used to go to. This counselor was horrendous. I later found out this guy I was talking to at the meet was going in for porn 'addiction' because he was so buried deep in porn-- he was looking at it like once a month or something ridiculous! Gasp!

Gads. Once-a-month? I hope the guy gets his life back.

If the discussion isn't about church or kids many Mormons draw a blank.

Shinehah Wrote:
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> If the discussion isn't about church or kids many
> Mormons draw a blank.

You forgot marriage. I swear that was all that was talked about when I was a TBM.

Yes, he was expecting to connect on common ground (LDS), and suddenly had to switch track, not knowing just what track he should switch to. Also, divorce is an awkward thing to hear, like a job loss or death in the family, when you have little idea of what the details are.

I'd say the guy handled it well. He wanted to connect, couldn't made pleasant small talk, then disengaged. At least he didn't try to re-activate you or anything--he left that alone. I say give the guy a break. Next time you meet you might connect a bit more. (Or maybe not.)

That happens to me when I see old co-workers. The conversation always revolves around the only thing we had in common...the workplace, who still works there, have you seen so-n-so, etc. And I get it- what else do you have in common besides the factory?

My favorite is running across old church members though. Unlike former work buddies, when you tell 'em you don't attend there anymore these people can't get away from you fast enough!

To your friend though, if he's seeing a marriage counsel;lor, it might be a good thing for him to have an exmormon that he can confide in. Show him that you are not posessed by the advesary, and that you arenh't going to betray his trust because you doin't have a common bishop to report to.

When meeting someone you haven't had contact with in a while I think it's best to say something like, "So, what's up with you these days?" Let them volunteer information.

These encounters are an opportunity to counter-evangelize those in LDS. Instead of looking at them as some kind of unenlightened, out-of-touch religious rube, treat them as people you once had a relationship with, and can, again. Yes, LDS has its share of miscreants, but there are plenty of decent people who are there because they haven't seriously considered the problems in it, or life outside it.

Ex-Mos can be a positive counter-example. Show them that you have a decent, rewarding life outside of LDS, and that you can be a friendly, accessible person outside a relationship defined by LDS. And save religious talk for later, maybe when you feel comfortable talking about your divorce, if religion was an issue. You don't like it when Mormons are quick to shove religious talk in your face. I imagine they feel the same way.