During my last recommend interview, I went through some word slicing and dicing to answer the first four questions.

1. Do you have faith in and testimony of...

2. Do you have a testimony of...

3. Do you have a testimony of...

4. Do you sustain...

In all truth, I did not believe at all. But what does it mean to have faith or a testimony? To "know" clearly could not mean to have actual proof. Most people who say they know mean that they choose to live their life as if it was true. To have faith seemed similar, in that I would hope for all the good things that I wanted to happen. Sustaining seemed like just being willing to go along and not rock the boat. So I minced words and moved on.

The other questions seemed easier to answer without mincing words, but looking back I realize how hard I had to work to deal with my cognitive dissonance.

Outside of interviews I just resort to avoidance.

What do I think of Nelson? It depends on who asks. What do I say at a family dinner when my TBM "daughter of the Utah pioneers" wife is excited about recent changes to ministering, scouting, or high priest quorum? I give a generally supportive looking nod and smile. When I am forced to comment, I make a general, non-committal, fairly obvious observation that looks for positive aspects of whatever idiotic topic is being discussed. Mince. Mince. Mince.

I have reached the point where I do not get to say anything real anymore.

On one hand, it helps me to maintain relationships. On the other hand, what good is it? What is the value of a relationship when you cannot say what you really think? I am so done.

I need to stop mincing words and then accept whatever happens next.

Just before leaving for good, I simply avoided having a TR interview. And then "snuck" into the SLC temple to see my brother's "temple marriage."

You couldn't get away with that today, what with the computerized records and all. But in 1980, when I did it, you could.

None of my family knew I was out. And I was only about 3 1/2 months returned from my "honorably discharged" mission. So I just went to the SLC temple, pretended to have left my TR back home, making a show of looking through my wallet and pockets for it, and without asking I was immediately "vouched for" by TBM brother, TBM step-dad, and TBM uncle (who just happened to be the current official church spokesman). They all mentioned that I just returned from a glorious mission. The guy at the front desk didn't even bat an eye -- he just let me in.

Ah, those were the days, when it was so much easier to get into a temple without having to fudge in a TR interview...:)

One word: altoids :)

Maybe I will take the opportunity to hand them a letter instead...

to myself with my TBM daughter. I've had enough of the arguing. It hasn't done any good.

I NEED her in my life, so I will do whatever it takes.

Not to ask too personal a question, but when you say "need" are you talking about emotions, finance, a place to live, etc.?

I only ask because I would have said the same thing a year ago. If my family situatuon changes, it will disrupt all of those things.I have gone along up to this point to try to preserve the family. I guess that I am starting to question the value of a family that would abandon me for having my own beliefs. It's a leap, but that's where I am.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/19/2018 11:11AM by Lowpriest.

of twins. I kept living for them when I didn't want to go on living.

She and had some horrible arguments after she bailed on her wedding (which is a good thing, but back then I was disturbed by the pain she caused her fiance as someone had left me so I knew what it felt like). We hadn't talked in months and she was getting ready to leave for the summer for her job in Alaska. I was staying at my boyfriend's while she stayed at the house. I knew I better tell her good-bye and I walked in and saw her and I KNEW then and there that she IS A PART OF ME, as if she were my arm or my leg or MY HEART, and I have to have her in my life. I heard someone say something I think on TV last night--that sometimes it is best to just not say anything, so I don't. She and my son are my EVERYTHING.

I don't need her financially, etc. I'm very much independent. My whole world revolves around my kids (and my dogs--and they agree) and, of course, my boyfriend. But even he knows that my kids come first and I expect and make sure his kids come first in his life.

Since I've been through a split (we're not divorced, just not "together" for over 20 years as he is gay), splitting can be so terrible as it was for me, so I don't give people advice on what to do about not mincing words.

I can say my daughter knows how I feel about the lds church, but she was anti in her teens. She went back at age 20. So she knows. At least she knows. I try to be as supportive of her as I can as she is me at that age. I think we've finally come to a truce. There are other things going on in our relationship besides the lds church and I think she does things to get my attention since her brother gets so much of my attention (but she'd give it to him if I didn't).

BUT I'm lucky in that my ex is out, my son is out, my whole damn family is out basically except my disabled brother, one sister and her husband, but all my nieces, nephews, etc., are out. My daughter just happens to be the TBM of all people. My parents were still active, but were very suportive of me and LISTENED as I was their most devout child and they were devastated by what happened to my life--not devastated that I left. They saw why I left. My dad then started telling me all his issues with mormonism. He wasn't all that active ever. My mother, who was very active most of my life, told me that I could be spiritual without being any religion.

So--I can't imagine what you go through not being able to speak about how you feel. It could be very destructive. I also have an exmo therapist who I've been seeing for over 20 years now more often like twice a year, so I have him to talk to about mormonism. AND my ex's ex-boyfriends. ha ha ha We all talk about it. So I have a HUGE support group.

I don't think that walking on eggshells is ever a good long term strategy. If it is for a short defined period, fine. But to walk on eggshells for the indefinite future is just not sustainable. Good luck