Hello, my wife and I were Jehovah's witnesses for around 25 years. We walked away from that belief and everyone we knew for those years will not even look at us, in fact the best man in our wedding basically runs the other way if he sees me in a store. But after leaving, my wife changed horses in midstream and jumped headlong into Mormonism.she loves it, I will have nothing to do with it.
But just to be civil, I go to gatherings, and Christmas service for her. But even though it is now ten years, it amazes me just how relentless Mormons are. Every time we go to a get together, there is ALWAYS someone, or something there, attempting to get me to join. I get just so exhausted at times dealing with this stuff. I'm reminded of how lions will pick the small, weak antelope out of a herd to eat.
To protect myself, I go to another church. But once being a jw, that attitude of " recruiting people all the time" is still in me and dealing with the Mormon version is getting really old.
By the way, I tell the Mormons I'm not interested, but they seem to forget that after time.
Has anyone dealt with a situation like this before ? I don't want to be rude, and give them ammo for them to talk to my wife about.

I don't know if PTSD is an applicable description of what you're going through (I've had two bouts with it, once "hitting bottom" as an alcoholic nearly 40 years ago and again when my daughter was born and spent seven months in the hospital 20 years ago)

What I understand it to be are a "lot of bad habits" that provide "short term gain, long term pain" in terms of psychological "relief." The "behavioral remedy" for those is to "take contrary action, and you'll find a lot of support here.

LDS "dysfunction" is as you described it, and I commend you for "not wanting to be rude" in your dealings with "the brethren." They don't seem to understand the word "boundaries" (alas, there are many here who are slow to learn about them as well). I'll suggest you set boundaries when you can (possibly by remaining "silent with the source" of your discomfort, but getting your needs met elsewhere).

We wish you well...

It’s not that Mormons don’t respect boundaries. They just don’t get them. Boundaries are a thing? Why would you have them?

It’s like dealing with adult toddlers.

I once had an employer, a dysfunctional gay individual who was raised LDS, tell me I "had too many boundaries."

It was problematic back then because of my work situation, but nowadays I take it a compliment.

Yes, your right PTSD is a little heavy, my neighbor is an AA facilitator and I totally get your point.
Being a once jw and getting thrown into the pit with another religious group like that is sometimes pretty heavy mentally.
Thank you for your comments!

I'm just learning how to post on this site, and I thank you all for your comments and support. I will take to heart the info. You all presented .

I think there could be elements of PTSD. You just gave us an overview, stan, and there are likely many other pieces you may or may not mention in time to come.

Sometimes you aren't aware that you have suffered an experience or three that would cause something as serious-sounding as PTSD and maybe are not yourself aware of it at first. But when immersed in another situation the overlay of the first one piles on, or something like that.

I find it can manifest as not having as much resilience in a stressful situation. Perhaps feeling more wrung out by a challenge than it may seem to call for.

Welcome here, stan. I hate to say but I was a JW too. And then a Mormon. Yes, as time goes on and my perspective has widened I feel like a prize dope. Before I didn't blame myself. Now I slap myself upside the head and ask what the bleep were you thinking?! But there are reasons and explanations and I survived. My time in both was not anywhere near as traumatic or long-lasting as for many others. I did get a lot out of reading the many posts here through the years and writing a lot too. Working it out.

The more time that goes by and the more perspective I get the less advice I have. Funny how that goes.

I hope you stick around and get something out of this place. It has helped many, if only for the company, but also there is info and understanding.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/25/2018 12:38AM by Nightingale.

I just start to feel like they have accepted I'm not going back and then someone will do something like invite me to the Christmas party. Tonight, they are having a "neighborhood picnic" at the bishop's house (next door). I love how they pretend it is for the neighborhood. Nothing screams not neighborhood when it is at the bishop's house. I better go out and turn off my sprinklers now before too many people arrive at the house next door and probably flowing onto my yard.

They like to think I've just lost my way. That is why a lot of us still come to this board is we have all these interactions with mormons. I don't go to ANY activities. I'm trying to think of the last time I went to something the lds put on and I can't think of anything. AND they still bug me.

Thanks for the post, Stan! Cabbie, I didn’t realize you went though what you posted, big bro-hugs!

Stan, Eric, who set up this web and recovery board, recommends that wavering Mormons look at other highly controlling religious groups like JWs, Scientologists, etc. it may help your wife if she could see the parallels between the two “correct” denominations—outrageous claims, powerful religious leaders, shunning, etc.

With my own history of joining Mormonism as a young man, I probably could have just as easily joined the Witnesses.

Best wishes!

Next time they start their pitch, say something like, "I'm surprised you are talking to me so much about your church. I thought from the 11th Article of Faith that Mormons wouldn't be like that."


Here's the Article of Faith:

We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our [own]1 conscience, and allow all men the same privilege[,] let them worship how, where, or what they may.

What is with your wife that she can't see problems with Mormons after being a JW?! Is there any other way to get her emotional and social needs met?

Good luck and welcome!

I feel the same way after having been a Mormon when the JW come around. They trigger my animosity against cults in general.

I think that you are already bending over quite far by attending these things for your wife. I would tell your wife to tell them to back off.

The next time they try to recruit you, just tell them that you have already made it clear that you have no interest in becoming Mormon and these continuous recruitment efforts make you feel uncomfortable and unwelcome. For that reason you are leaving. Then leave.

By the way, that is an example of setting boundaries.

When you go to meetings, do NOT conform to their dress code. Meaning, never wear a white shirt or a tie. Wear blue jeans rather than suit slacks, tennis shoes instead of dress shoes. They won't like it and will probably try to shame you (snide comments, dirty looks, etc). But it will tell them that you have no intention of obeying their ridiculous little nit-picking rules. If you want to push back, tell them that it's none of their business.

Some mormons will only get the hint if you are "rude," and as long as you're "nice" to them, they'll think you might be open to The Spirit™. Tell them "I think your church is a fraud." When they testify that the church is true, you can say, "Your testimony is ridiculous and worthless." Yes, they'll be offended, but so what?

As a last resort, you might have to drop an F-bomb on their little parade. Mormons hate F-bombs, it's like mormon kryptonite. But some of them are just so dense, so obtuse and dull, that nothing else will suffice to make them vanish.

Being rude isn't always a bad thing. Remember, they're already being rude and disrespectful to you, ganging up and harassing you after being told no countless times. A taste of their own medicine can work wonders.

Don't run interference with the Mormons, and see what happens, naturally. You are not a member, and part of that non-membership means that you are not obligated to attend any of their activities. Don't go. It's as simple as that. The cult will shoot itself in the foot, and your wife will see its dark underbelly.

Be extra kind to your wife, as she will find no love, no real friendship in that cult--especially with you not there by her side. Make plans to do something fun together after the Mormon activity is over, or the next night. My husband left the cult before I did, and that's what he did. We had good times together, outside of church, but I never had a husband with me for Mormon functions. Soon, I was marginalized as "the wife of an inactive elder." All of our (my) friends were couples, and I was excluded from the Mormon couples activities. I was disrespected the same way as a single woman is disrespected in the Mormon cult. I was blamed for my husband's inactivity. From my husband's perspective, I saw how rude the Mormons were to him. I saw how they relentlessly pestered him. Groups of priesthood men came to our door often, to "persuade" him to go to meetings. Their group tactics reminded me of Mafia thugs from the movies. They had no respect for my husband. and no boundaries in trying to interfere in our marriage and in our parenting.

Don't fake support for your wife. Don't protect her, either. This might seem cruel to you, but your wife needs to know exactly what she has chosen to be part of. Because my husband didn't offer me support, I was left alone to be eaten alive by the Mormon sharks. They made unreasonable demands on my time, even when I was weak, and recovering from childbirth. Mormon men in the ward propositioned me, they bullied my children, the bishop threatened that our family would not be together in the hereafter, and they forced me to pay tithing on my household allowance (my husband's money) and my small income from stocks. My husband arranged our accounts, so that our money was safe from the Mormons. I really had a good look at how horrible that cult was, and I resigned, with the kids, within a year.

Hi, stan! I'll bet it's exhausting to have to listen to recruiting efforts over and over again. Mormons tend to target part member families. I would try not responding to your would-be recruiters at all. Just stare silently at the person with a little smile on your face. If that person repeats their entreaty continue staring silently. Eventually that person will grow uncomfortable and either change the subject or walk away.

Nevermo and never-jw, just ex-Catholic. I married a Mormon, and I went through a period of time when I was getting the full-court press from everybody we met in my wife's ward.

I tried to politely deflect the attempts, but everything came to a head during our "Nauvoo Vacation" when everything that I knew and opposed about Mormonism came out like a fire hose upon a poor, unsuspecting missionary in Carthage who my wife had encouraged to "set me straight" about the church.

During the ensuing conversations and arguments, my wife admitted that she was encouraging everybody she knew in the ward to make me a ward project. The conversion attempts have diminished now that she has accepted (mostly) that I will NEVER convert, though she occasionally says that she must choose between me or her faith. Well, she's still with me and I've never once asked her to abandon her faith.

Depending on how bold they are. if your trying to not rock the boat, just smile and nod and say no thanks, and then change the subject. You may have to do this 2-3 times a night but Mormons are like toddlers (as someone above mentioned) you have to tell them a few million times before they get it.