First sorry for my english.

I Have had a hard time with my BIL over a period of 11 years. Caught him cheating my sister once and he has been neglecting family and letting other people in family do what he should be doing as a grown man. He has turned holidays into emotional slug fests and created rifts between people doing their best to have a relationship with him. He have kids but lives like he still are single and a reckless young man. He drinks daily and sometimes combine it with medication. He chat with people online and end up fighting online with people on social media that threatens to come home to him and turn his house upside down and fight him. He got kids and I do not think it is appropriate arguing with unstable people when he should be more protective and sheltering.



Earlier this year I cut contact with him I could not go on living with a person respecting people so little and being so reckless.

I fought hard against my principle that I would not abandon him. The christian sense of duty was strong in this one. But I could not go on I had to make a choice because I was heavily codependent.

Today I heard that he caught dementia and maybe it explain why he has been so reckless and clueless over the past years.

I have no clue where to go from here. Put in so much energy and walked to many egg shells to feel any urgency now to be present.

This situation really sucks.

Have you been in a similar situation?

Well, having 'caught' some dementia myself recently, I feel good about responding to your post.

Dementia is not as much fun as my old Uncle Salvador said it would be. He loved chasing the younger nurses at the nursing home and said that no one ever punished him, but at the same time, being so old, he could only get one good grab or goose in before they'd jump out of range. But I digress...

Having 'caught' the Dementia now, your BIL is going to really slow down on consistency. He may still anger easily and still be prone to mouthing off, but because 'catching' Dementia affects short-term memory, he'll quickly forget what he was doing and/or why he was doing it. He's somewhat likely to become more docile. But he's also liking to spike high in the lugubrious column. Meaning he's going to act sad.

A lot depends on how much Dementia he's 'caught'! So far I've only 'caught' a little, but the odds are I'll be 'catching' more as time goes on. I advise nubile females to keep their distance once that happens.

As far as what do to for your BIL, that's not the right question. The question to ask, of your sister, is what can you do to help her? That's where you concentrate your efforts! The Dementia is not something you can do anything about; all you can do is help the victims of his Dementia.

Also, what's goose for the gander is salt for the shrimp! Eh?!

You can't stomp the snake with both feet in the bucket!

Well, your sister will be the one who will be dealing with the situation most closely, along perhaps with any of their children who might be adults. I would simply offer her your support in whatever way she may need.

There are many different types of dementia, and they progress in different ways. Typically a person with dementia can remain in his home for a while, with support from family members or a home health aide. Eventually that person may need to go into assisted living.

Looks like you are still struggling with codependency. His behavior has been atrocious for a very long time. You wanted nothing further to do with him. You are now feeling guilty about cutting him off,since he now has a dementia diagnosis.

His behavior is unlikely to improve with dementia. It will probably get worse as he has more trouble controlling his emotions and reactions. Those parts of his brain that censor his speech and actions will likely be affected along with impulse control. I would steer clear of him.

As for your sister, I would be nice to here and offer what support I could that would not involve being in his presence.

Forget about the guilt. He was always a jerk and will continue to be one