And the cognitive dissonance, so it seems, has them lashing out, with me as the target, behind my back. That part doesn't bother me too much except for the following....

I don't know what to say or how to react. We come from a dysfunctional family and enabling behavior is something I try to be aware of in myself.

I don't want to get dragged into their vortex; I've been there and done that, have healed and moved on, but I also don't want to do any harm.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Insights?

How do you prevent what you can't see happening, as it's happening?

I think blissful serenity is your answer. Hippie-out! Weave some flowers in your hair and change your name to Moombeam and pretend you no longer pay attention to what's going out around you!

Peace out, Sister!

elderolddog Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> How do you prevent what you can't see happening,
> as it's happening?
>
> I think blissful serenity is your answer.
> Hippie-out! Weave some flowers in your hair and
> change your name to Moombeam and pretend you no
> longer pay attention to what's going out around
> you!
>
> Peace out, Sister!

LOL. Your suggestion sounds so delightful, Elderolddog. I may just do that.

I accept Visa/Mastercard...

To everything there is a season. Spring has come and Mormonism is melting. God has it all under control. The despots at the top can’t help themselves because they aren’t supposed to.

I remember the feeling. It’s like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. Your guts have to melt into a soup first.

Your family member will doubt their sanity. Assure them they’re not going crazy. They aren’t the problem. The church is. It’s been the problem for a long time.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/30/2018 11:48PM by babyloncansuckit.

My thoughts....hmmm. Refuse to engage in negativity. Be unavailable for long harangues. Let them know it's OK to question, research and make their own conclusions. There is nothing wrong with them.
Be a rock of peace and harmony. :-)

Try to ignore and not engage in the activity going on behind your back.

Wait for the family member to reach out to you with whatever they want to share.

Initiate some get together of the type that you both usually engage in......dinner, a hike, tennis, etc., which opens up an opportunity for discussion if the person wants to engage with you.
I again would wait for them to make the first move in opening up conversation about their collapsing shelf.

That family member may have more going on than a shelf collapsing.

It may be wise to just keep your distance and wait and see what happens next. If he or she's lashing out at you is not the time to be offering support. You need to take care of yourself by not getting dragged into their crisis.

Amyjo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> That family member may have more going on than a
> shelf collapsing.
>
> It may be wise to just keep your distance and wait
> and see what happens next. If he or she's lashing
> out at you is not the time to be offering support.
> You need to take care of yourself by not getting
> dragged into their crisis.


That could very well be, AmyJo. More going on. Thanks for the reminder and the good advice.

You already have a good assessment of the situation so I'd say you'll automatically handle it well. I'd just say make no response that gives even an iota of your point of view. No advice. This only serves as a new tidbit to argue or rant on.

If you get stuck listening and can't get out of it easily, just say, "Wow!" When they are done. "Good luck with whatever you decide is right for *YOU*"

Silence is your friend.


P.S. Hard not to be jealous. I wish anyone at all in my family had any sign of a shelf collapsing. Nope. They are in it to win it.

Done & Done Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

>
> If you get stuck listening and can't get out of it
> easily, just say, "Wow!" When they are done.
> "Good luck with whatever you decide is right for
> *YOU*"
>
> Silence is your friend.
>
>

I'll remember that. Silence is my friend. Thank you, D&D