TBM DH has decided to drink iced herbal tea (ever cautious about the WoW, see) and is very earnestly trying to understand the RIGHT way to do it.

I grew up in a tea-drinking family. I have known how to prepare a good pot of tea for more than 60 of my 71 years.

For starters, DH was not certain of the difference in function between a teapot and a tea kettle. (You boil the water in the kettle. Then you pour the boiling water into a teapot, which has either tea bags or a tea-egg containing loose tea leaves in it. Then you let it steep until it is however strong you want it. Pour into tea cup, add milk or sugar if you wish, and there it is.)

I am usually pretty mellow. But right now, I practically have steam coming out of my ears!! DH kept brushing aside my explanations, trying to figure out for himself how to "do it right."

I have been doing it right for more than half a century. But will he listen to me? Oh, well - what do I know?

We very seldom fight, and we didn't fight over this; I would not let it escalate to that. But I feel put-down and trivialized by this, and am shocked that my decades of experience have been dismissed so casually. He isn't usually like that; he generally considers my viewpoint as valid.

I am very tired, and my chronically dry eyes have been hurting like bloody hell all weekend, so these factors may be compounding the shock and distress I feel right now.

Wouldn't YOU feel put-down if you had decades of experience at something, and your spouse, who knows little or nothing about it, discounted what you said??

Anon for This One Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Wouldn't YOU feel put-down if you had decades of
> experience at something, and your spouse, who
> knows little or nothing about it, discounted what
> you said??

Yes.

[Spoken from personal experience.]

Ya... I'd feel put-down. Been there, done that. Oh yes. The trials that come up in a long marriage - surprises! I got that "look" many times. You know the one. He is trying to be polite but you know he is letting you know you're a total idiot!

We had some differences of "how to" in our long marriage.
One was "how to do the dishes." I showed him how I did it. He listened, gave me that "look" shaking his head that said he knew better, and away he went.

About an hour later, I noticed he was still at the sink? "WHAT is taking you so long. I get that done in 15 minutes." (That is when I got the "stink-eye.")

This is what took so long and used so much water. As an electrical engineer, it required several steps done in exactly the same order with exactness and laborious rinsing, and more rinsing.

He had his process: take all the dishes out of the sink, place them on the counter with every other item, stacking them up. Then he would wash them in one sink with lots of hot water and dish detergent, one at a time. Then the rinse process began. Again, one item at a time: rinse, fill the glass (for instance) again, and rinse, then fill it again..... all the while soaking his front belly! Finally... I couldn't stand it anymore. I bought him a big vinyl apron, and left the room. I couldn't watch anymore.

Oh.. one more thing. I could hear him in the back of the house, singing hymns at the top of his lungs which resulted in my yelling: "Will you hold it down, I'm trying to talk on the phone in here!"

I realized I had two choices. Do the dishes myself or leave him to his process and ignore him. Since I was not good at ignoring that craziness, I usually did the dishes myself!

(I learned some time later that he was afraid a bit of soap would be left in a glass and he would get "The Rocky Mountain Quick Step." That accounted for all that rinsing!)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/03/2018 10:11PM by SusieQ#1.

Oooh. That burns me up!
With my ex, after he'd discovered that what I'd told him was correct (but he did it his way anyway), I'd say, "But, I don't ever know what I'm talking about."



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/03/2018 10:20PM by lisadee.

You try to boost your man’s self esteem and then he thinks he’s a genius. I think it’s an independence thing, like not wanting to ask directions. Nothing to do with you.

Same with men when I used to work in retail. They'd complain about something and I'd relay to them the company policy. He'd then ask for a manager and the manager told him exactly the same thing.....I especially loved it when the manager was a woman.

...with your personal expertise (which also happens to be female-based). And let's not get into the matter of asking for directions!

And on a related subject, never try to teach a pig to sing.

Dont discuss anything with a man. They know everything.My nephew stayed with me a couple of years ago. I let him use my second car. One morning it wouldnt start so he asked me to borrow my mine to get to work. I let him I called him later after I got up and asked him what was going on with his car. He described the symptoms and I knew exactly what was wrong. You couldnt get parts for the thing and some small part had a hole in it which messed up the air and fuel mixture. My mechanic had patched it up for me. I told him and he refused to believe me until I opened the hood and showed him. Even then he argued that it must be something else even though the hole was in plain sight. He finally agreed to wrap it in duct tape and, shock!the car started nust fine. Ugh!!!

bona dea Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> ...even though the hole was in
> plain sight.

Your Freudian slip is showing!

lol, or maybe you have a dirty mind.

This would have made a good episode of Everybody Loves Raymond.

Anon for This One Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Wouldn't YOU feel put-down if you had decades of
> experience at something, and your spouse, who
> knows little or nothing about it, discounted what
> you said??

No. I would be pleased that my spouse wants to learn things for herself, rather than just do what I tell her to do. And who knows, she just might find out something along the way that I never knew...