Some emotional abusers never allow their victims to be who they are. But when victims turn the tables the abuser often say that the victims must accept the abuser for the person the abuser is. The victims become the abusers and blamed for doing what the abuser did from the beginning.

Right?

Yep, I have experienced that before. It's awful.

Stay away from emotional and physical abusers, you do not need them in your life.

It's always better to surround yourself with positive people who appreciate you as a human being.

I had enough experience working in the field and doing a family counseling internship (and other additonal grad level classwork and practicums as well) that what I saw of abusers--and the dynamics--absolutely disgusted me yet terrified me to boot.

I've always had a "strong neurotic need" (that also translates as "control issues") to try to "grasp" the workings of the "truly evil," and the only real "truth" I've laid hold of is "Don't expect them to admit their agendas." They may, or may not be, aware of them, depending on their particular "pathology," but they will do whatever they can to conceal it or deflect it--often via projection--onto others.

I absolutely agree with Elyse above about the importance of "staying away," but that is often difficult.

Which is one reason why this site exists...

My TBM bro who passed away last month was a marriage and family counselor. He refused to treat certain pathological personality disorders because it was too much an emotional toll for him.

Sociopaths project onto their victims, and try to con their therapists for example. Similar to how abusers are in denial about their antisocial behavior.

Mormondom in a nutshell

You are a child of God and you have been sent here to accept personal responsibility for everything that happens to you.

Took me awhile to see that in Mormonism. By the time I did. I had a family all baptized Mormon.

Abusers look out for each other. When I was a teen and young adult, LDS leaders took the side of my abusive parents. Their behavior was my fault--I must take responsibility for their actions. I had serious problems with depression and anxiety; they counseled me to not seek any counseling!

That's TSCC default mode, Josephina. I totally relate. They did that to me when I was a teenager and tried seeking help. As for counseling, I didn't have access in the Morridor until moving away to Silicon Valley. What a difference a place location made.