I don’t handle emotion very well. It might be because I was raised in an environment where my parents rarely even hugged me and we never talked about our feelings. But, for whatever reason I never cry at church (or anywhere else, tbh).

When I was a teenager, my mom got on my case about it and was legitimately angry at me for never even shedding a tear or feeling anything during testimony meeting. She went on to basically call me a closed off psychopath. I tried to explain that not everyone feels the spirit the same way, but she wouldn’t listen.

It STILL hurts to this day because I’d been moved by the “spirit” quite a few times, I just never sat there sobbing in the pews about it. She made me feel like there was something wrong with me.

I don't think that is specifically due to Mormonism, though it's in your life experience being Mormon.

It's more of a temperament thing. Some people wear their emotions on their sleeves; others, like you and I, don't. Of course it's a whole spectrum, too.

Mormons have to entertain a lot of crazy ideas to make their religion fit into a coherent framework.

The emotional insensitivity assertion is pretty silly given that Mormons are trained to suppress their natural empathy. All feelings are conditional on whether or not you are supposed to have them. It’s pretty weird. I’m pretty sure Jesus wouldn’t let tribalism win out over unconditional love.

But don’t worry. If you’re a psychopath, you’ll fit right in. Maybe even climb the leadership ladder.

..I always had a problem with the Sacrament bread. Sometimes, the bread seemed to be overly damp. Other times, the bread seemed wet, or as though it had been placed near the water. Maybe the Aaronic kids just mismanaged the handling. I was always concerned bout the cleanliness of the handlers. What if a pimply-faced Aaronic youth had just performed some sort of cosmetic procedure on their face. Was it just me?......yeah, I guess.

I think about that every week !!

If people are supposed to cry in churches then I think you have the wrong religion.

I was a big crier as a child when someone teased me or hurt my feelings in even the slightest way. My dad used to embarrass me on purpose at parties in order to make me cry. He would then announce to all the people in the room how easy it was to make me cry and I would be devastated and humiliated. This kind of thing would happen at school as well. The teacher would tell me I wasn't trying hard enough in my work and I'd burst into tears. I was so humiliated by these experiences that I trained myself to control my show of emotions.

I, too, could go to church and feel incredible emotion over something someone said and yet keep my emotions private and unrecognizable. I'm glad I finally got control over these blubbery displays. But as you said, I can still feel the same hurt, happiness, embarrassment, etc. I just don't wear my emotions on my sleeve as I once did. I'm also kind of put off by people who do.

I enjoy my crying time in private.

Babyloncansuckit is right: "Mormons are trained to suppress their natural empathy. All feelings are conditional on whether or not you are supposed to have them. It’s pretty weird. I’m pretty sure Jesus wouldn’t let tribalism win out over unconditional love".

I had tender feelings, and cried in private. My abusive older brother liked to hunt and kill animals, including those in our own neighborhood. I tried to appeal to my parents, but they didn't care. He was a priesthood holder and a future missionary, and got away with murder. He loved to make me hear his stories about hurt animals and road-kill, etc, just to see me cry. I thought that if I didn't cry or respond, he would stop. His cruelty and abuse to me didn't stop, but the horror stories stopped. I left home two days after graduating high school, and never returned, but it was too late. I had PTSD. I felt I was not worthy of love, not worthy of even being protected from abuse.

Getting out of the Mormon cult--and getting my children out--and away from Mormon cruelty--was one of the best decisions I ever made.

My children can love. They are happily married, great parents, and they love their children. I was a TBM battered wife, and got divorced. After that, I would not date a Mormon man, or trust Mormons in business, either. My heart is empty in that way. I love my children and grandchildren unconditionally, and I cry when they get hurt or are sad, but I think it's OK for a grandma to be sympathetic. I love my trusted long-time friends, also, as per the 10-year rule.

I'm suspicious of testimony criers. I laugh at Henry Eyring. His crying serves his career.

Don't you know, notloggedin, that a good Mormon can cry on cue? It's yet another of their manipulative tools. Several BYU boys proposed marriage to me on about our 5th date, and all of them cried! I figured it was a way of getting what they wanted, and of making me feel obligated, and of proving their sincerity. I of course turned them down (they were chauvinistic fanatics in a polygamous cult), and within a few weeks, each got engaged to someone else. The one who cried the hardest, got engaged the next day! (I was used to dating someone for 2 to 10 years, and knowing their families.) It was as if it was TIME to get married--within a year after their mission, according to the prophet--and it didn't matter much who they married.

Too much crying, and inappropriate crying probably is insincere, IMO. Instead of demonstrating real "depth" or sensitivity, these people learned to do what your mother wasn't able to make you do. Good for you!

So very sorry you were told those hurtful words. I believe the words show how indoctrinated your Mother was in the MormonCult. I realize this does not make it any less hurtful, but perhaps this will help you believe that often what is said and done by members is done without much forethought at all.

Because, Mormons are taught not to think but merely to act as robots doing what they are told to do. Of course, all of these do's and don'ts are coated in the promise of a glorious beautiful life in the celestial kingdom (which is yet unproven to exist).

You, like all people, are special and worth your weight in gold. I'm glad you shared your thoughts and hope you write again. Have a great week.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/11/2018 07:35PM by presleynfactsrock.

I'm sorry. That does sound hurtful. Sometimes those early hurts are the ones that sting the most. It is such an odd thing that your mother demanded of you.

I am a female, which supposedly we are more emotional than men. But I am generally not a crier, even in times when you are supposed to cry (like when someone dies), but when I do cry, I cry hard, and even though it is rare, sometimes something insignificant will set me off, and I am not really sure even what it was, but it just bubbles up and I can't control it and I start crying deeply and in my opinion loudly. This really embarrasses me so much that I am almost afraid of it.

and fake emotional responses. Then the extremely gullible people who see those fake responses assume that the psychopath is a deeply spiritual person and are easily suckered into whatever schemes the psychopath decides to perpetrate.

I can privately break down in tears caused by particularly beautiful music.

I never once was moved to tears by anything in Church. Even when I was struggling to be the best try-hard, wannabe TBM possible, I always sensed the heavy emotional manipulation in it all.

"I know *sniff, sniff* that Jesus loved us so very much, that he *sniff, sniff* suffered immense, unimaginable pain on our behalf, so that we may be forgiven for our many sins, such as the time that I stole a peanut from the grocery store when I was 6 years old. I...I....[uncontrollable blubbering] know with every fiber of my...*sniff, sniff* bean that my sins were like lashes of a whip to our savior when he suffered there...and Joseph Smith...he too died as a martyr to sacrifice his blood to make the restoration possible and [more uncontrollable blubbering and water works].....[now being helped to sit down]"

I felt guilty when testimonies like that left me feeling cold and unmoved. But I understand now why. It wasn't because I was a psychopath. It was because, intuitively, I felt that it was just emotional bullsh*t.

I can remember as a very small child, crying during the film "Dumbo." My mother made fun of that for years. I learned to suppress any show of feelings, positive or negative. My mother, and later, my now-ex, would threaten to take away or prohibit something I enjoyed or wanted very much.

It's sad, when stating or showing how you actually feel about something can be used against you. But manipulative people will do that in a heartbeat.

Oh Catnip. I am 48 years old and love Dumbo. It's funny because my husband accuses me of being a Vulcan from Star Trek, void of emotions all of the time. The scene where she is holding Dumbo with her trunk through the bars while the song Baby Mine is playing makes me tear up every time.

your not the only one !!! I hated Mormonism so much growing up that I never shed a tear. To me, shedding a tear meant that I accepted Mormonism to be the only way to reach God, and I knew that was a lie. I was ashamed of the Mormonism of my family. I kept Mormonism far away from my emotions. It wasn't worth it to me.

But I never got shamed for not shedding a tear from my parents I lucked out. That's terrible that your mom did that to you.

I did shed a tear when I was told the only way to the CK was to get married and wear the underwear. I knew I was never attracted to a man, I still haven't craved a dick yet at the age of 43. I shed a tear because I thought I was a piece of trash that was going to hell. The only crime I had committed was being born, and now I was going to hell because I couldn't get married, but I cried myself to sleep at night, I never cried in a cult building.

I always just saw the Mormon church as a freak show. Even as a kid. I was hard to take any of it seriously.

I very seldom cry in movies except on a rare occasion. I cry in life all the time. My daughter hates that I cry so much, but I think it is more that my kids think they need to take care of me as in the bad years, I cried a lot. If I sniffle, she is concerned that I'm crying.

My daughter doesn't cry much. Her dad, I've only seen him cry maybe 3 times in all the time I've known him (36 years).

It is I believe very much a personal thing, something to do with our makeup. I never cried in church much, if at all. If I was "moved by the spirit," it usually wasn't in church.

Your mother obviously has her own issues.

Anyone who cares about a family member doesn't treat them this way.

Better to reach out than to demean.

Son, are you okay?

Do you want to talk about how you felt about _________?

I'm feeling sad about the cat next door being hit by a car. Isn't that a shame?

On, no, you missed that opportunity. You must be feeling disappointed.

Using emotion to punish a family member for not having feelings for a church is just plain wrong. It forces the loved one to shut off their feelings and not share or open up to the harsh parent.

Most people join a group for security and support, and want to gain status to get more benefits.

In Mormon culture, you get points for showing emotion and crying. Builds your status in the cult. And of course, you get more points if your kid cries in church.

So your mom was disappointed that you were depriving her of status, even to the point of sacrificing your happiness.

Church first, family last.