I hope your holiday moments this year have so far been spared spending too much time around the "mormon-attitude." You know, that thing that is sometimes oh, so sly and subtle, but always, cutting you down and stomping on you just a little (or sometimes, a lot).

Circumstances, that I won't get into, made it so I spend WAAAY too much time in a TBM home where I was subjected to this mormon-attitude. Attempting to come up with topics of conversation as the minutes dragged on was like my believing I would be able to ski downhill the first time I took off.

I tried this, I tried that, I told about a hilarious (I thought) incident in a book I was reading, I gave a gift which was not mormon-enough-or-approved (huge mistake), but one in which I promise I had put much time and effort into, and then, IT happened. The look on their faces aimed at moi was covered with "that" mormon-judgement-attitude because I had called shit, well, shit.

I know next holiday season I will NOT be invited back.

Maybe, I am wrong, and there is a god after all.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/31/2018 01:36PM by presleynfactsrock.

What was the gift? Non-mormon minds want to know!

The gift.....I knew in some way I was going out on a limb, but I thought (first and not last mistake), after all, one of the persons receiving the gift HAD to have a little bit of gumption because, you know, I had birthed her......the gift was Michelle Obama's book "Becoming".

Oh well, their loss when, not if, they toss it out. And the story I told was from Trevor Noah's book, "Born a Crime". I highly recommend it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/31/2018 04:40PM by presleynfactsrock.

I love that you did this! I did the same exact thing years ago

I was so sick of the boring and FORCED family get togethers with the long pauses becauses because the conversation goes dead that for one big family get together one summer I made a list ahead of time of interesting topics and funny stories and jokes and whatever and had it all in my head. I tried hard to find items I thought they would like. All of my efforts went over like a lead balloon. I guess because I didn't stick to Mormon topics they just couldn't get interested. I would never even try again. Ever. They are beyond hope.

I have one TBM BIL that you can talk about anything to and is fascinating but he is rarely there.

Now I just say my plane out is taking off two hours earlier than it really is and sit in the airport and have a glass of wine and read. That restaurant in the middle of the C runway at SLC had really great red wine by the glass and no Mormons.

I forgot to say, my mother always brags what a fun family we are. Mormons! They don't know. Whatever they want to be true, is true.

Wow, these are my experiences, exactly. I have even gone to the airport early, too! I made sure there was another flight on the roster, at the time I chose, in case they might check up on me. It still hurts my feelings, when Mormons don't talk to me, because I take it too personally.

Why do they invite us in the first place?

I have tried everything, too. I'm not a social idiot. (I don't ramble, like I do here on RFM.) I have experience teaching, and trying to get overly shy and quiet kids to talk. I've done hundreds of interviews, getting information out of people, so I can serve them better. I've been a negotiator, helping dissenting groups to reach a common ground. I'm a good listener, and have empathy. I really felt like a HUGE FAILURE that I was never able to communicate well with my various Mormon family groups. Some of them are cousins I was really close to, up until their missions and marriage. I always was interested in what they were doing, and made an effort to remember their children's names and ages, etc. At reunions, they used to fill me in on their missions and church callings, travels, and careers. We saw each other at weddings and funerals, but we never met socially as friends. After I became a divorced single working mother, no one ever asked ME about my life, at all.

This year was the year I finally got tired of getting no positive feedback. A lot of my impatience came from comparing my Mormon relationships with my dear children and grandchildren, and with my non-Mormon friends, and with my work colleagues and clients. These other relationships were so much more satisfying! My ex-Mormon cousins (on the other side of my family) laugh a lot! We fall all over each other to give opinions and experiences and tell our stories. I want to know every detail, and they share every detail. We often meet for lunch, in the summers, at Christmas, for our birthdays, etc.

Perhaps our Mormon family groups have always been this way, and it is just our perspective that has changed, after being out of the cult for a while.

I accept the fact that I will get very little acknowledgment and no appreciation from what's left of my TBM family. If there's something exciting or funny or great going on that I'm bursting to tell someone, I don't tell it to my TBM family. If I need comforting, or cheering-up, I don't go to my TBM family. I get more companionship from my dog. I can know them, and can even love them--but as a detached observer. They have no need for me, at all. Why would they accept advice or friendship from someone they don't respect? I'm a good Christian, but I'm still an "apostate."

I've learned to not expect unconditional love from the Mormons I know.

Nor empathy.

Let alone, a normal conversation, once in a while.

In my experience, Mormons don't give this to each other, either.

It's sad.

That is, indeed sad, Exminion.

Reading your post, I was thinking that (as a nevermo,) I have gone a year or more, and sometimes many years without discussing religion among my family and close friends. For the most part, we consider our beliefs to be a personal matter that may be a part of one's life but not one's whole life. I consider occasional conversations bout baptisms, weddings, church suppers and dances to be fair. But there are plenty of other things to talk about as well. IMO a friend or family member who talks church most of the time is a poor conversationalist and doesn't have enough going on in their life.

and religion was not a topic--that is my dad's extended family. My aunt had a Christmas Eve party every year until she was in a nursing home. My uncle served alcohol until he found religion in his 50s and became a SP. My aunt told me at least 3 times while I was visiting before the parties several years that he was much more fun before he found religion. She was always religious, but my dad's family was much more fun and not so TBM.

Our family since our parents died is pretty much a mess. None of the 3 sisters are speaking at this time (me being the middle sister). My younger sister was texting drunk Christmas Eve night insults towards me through my boyfriend's cell phone. Fun times! She's pretty much alienated everyone by her drunk texting nightly. I do get along with all my brothers--the only sister who does. My youngest brother won't speak to either of my sisters.