So, if a male leader is being dismissive, it's the wimmins fault for being so shrill and demanding? Sounds like women teaching other women to hate themselves. Hmmm


From the article:

"Her husband would say, “Another purse-slammer meeting, huh?”

Over time, though, she learned to “work with this brother.”

She discovered it was a style-and-personality issue and if she prayed for him, worked to understand him, and found better ways of expressing herself, the exchanges improved.

“We women tend to be shrill or demanding or stubborn, thinking we have the best idea ever,” Bingham said to audience laughter, “and if they don’t see it our way, clearly there’s a problem here.”

She suggested women look inside themselves for the solution.

“Charity never faileth,” Bingham said, quoting the Relief Society motto."


https://www.sltrib.com/religion/2019/05/03/latter-day-saint-womens/?fbclid=IwAR2pixSNqXBHZbXV4NNRdFBQl8WqobNrMI_tOTcq_J5NVWHW8B5XzgSh05A

It’s easier to change yourself than it is to change others.
If the goal is to be persuasive in a situation, it might make sense to examine how you approach the other party.

It’s a valid strategy, but I see your point.

In the Mormon context, this is about telling women to know their place and stop being uppity.

"One question was about dealing with male church leaders 'who seem a little dismissive.' She had heard 'how important women are,” the woman wrote, “but that has not been my experience.'
Bingham said she could relate because she has had her own interactions with 'dismissive priesthood leaders.' One was especially difficult, she said. Whenever she attended a meeting with him, she would walk out 'seething.' 'I would be angry the whole way home,' Bingham recalled, and, arriving at her house, walk in 'and slam my purse on the counter.' Her husband would say, 'Another purse-slammer meeting, huh?'

Over time, though, she learned to 'work with this brother.' She discovered it was a style-and-personality issue and if she prayed for him, worked to understand him, and found better ways of expressing herself, the exchanges improved. 'We women tend to be shrill or demanding or stubborn, thinking we have the best idea ever,' Bingham said to audience laughter, 'and if they don’t see it our way, clearly there’s a problem here.' She suggested women look inside themselves for the solution."

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Does Mrs. Bingham really believe that this "brother" with whom she has worked worries about style-and-personality issues, prays for her, works to understand her, or has found better ways to express himself? Does she think that he has ever worried for a hot second that he is perhaps shrill, demanding, or stubborn, or that he may not have the best idea ever?

I can't believe that it's 2019 and a grown woman with a responsible volunteer leadership position is still grappling with these kinds of issues. That kind of thinking was going on 40 or more years ago. Forty years!

"Bingham said she could relate because she has had her own interactions with 'dismissive priesthood leaders.' One was especially difficult, she said. Whenever she attended a meeting with him, she would walk out 'seething.' 'I would be angry the whole way home,' Bingham recalled, and, arriving at her house, walk in 'and slam my purse on the counter.' Her husband would say, 'Another purse-slammer meeting, huh?'"



From the outside looking in:
I know this woman is in a high-level leadership position (for a woman in the church...)....BUT....

If church and its spiritual leaders make you THAT MAD...then you probably shouldn't go to that church..

The Brother, doesn't go home thinking about her at all. Guaranteed. He might wonder for a half a minute why this sister is so pushy, but as soon as he shuts her down in meeting its handled.

I understand that you must work through personality and style issues. Point of note: women are criticized for their style rather than the content of what they are saying more than men who are critiqued for their actual ideas or performance.

https://cultureplusconsulting.com/2018/03/10/gender-bias-work-assertiveness-double-bind/

http://fortune.com/2014/08/26/performance-review-gender-bias/

Mormons have been fed an ideal of a woman who stands to the side and supports the men from afar. They can help when asked to do a task, but I don't see anywhere in the church where women are valued for the ideas they bring to the table. They are to perform and regurgitate the ideas given to them by the men. End of story.

She suggested women look inside themselves for the solution.

The solution I found was to leave the Mormon church.

I find it incredible that the Mormon leaders are still telling women that they are responsible for their second-class status in the Mormon church. A Mormon man not taking me seriously? Well, obviously, it’s because I’m too shrill, demanding, and stubborn. I’ll work on being meek and submissive, and then maybe he’ll listen. What a joke.

The comments section after the Trib article were equally uppity.

Let them shape up if it bothers them. How they act isn't my responsibility.

Exactly, Cheryl. What's wrong with simply "moving on"?

We have a right to "continue this discussion at another time" in the boardroom. We can have a colleague or assistant step in for us, IRL. In volunteer positions, we can gracefully bow out, and serve in another capacity, or on a different committee, or give money instead.

But in the Mormon cult, members are FORCED to stay in callings where they have to deal with abusive people. By "forced," I mean that the victim who wants to quit is abused even more, with cruel gossip, peer judgements, and threats. They are told that God wants them to deal with the "challenges" of abuse, as a "growth experience."

You had better get along with that abusive "brother"--or else!

Summer is right, the rude person doesn't care if the victim is upset, or changes her personality to suit him, or slams her purse on the table, or prays, or whatever. The rudeness will continue, unchecked.

I have PTSD, from spousal abuse, and running away has served me very well, in living a happy, peaceful life!

One thing sociopaths do very well, is they can suck you in, and make it YOUR responsibility to get along with them, to understand them, even pray for them. You are NOT their "sister or brother". You do not have to be their friend. I politely walk away, and keep my energy and focus on my loved ones, and on the many, many NICE people around me.

I used to take this advice, as a Mormon female, and I was always changing my personality to suit others--to the point that I lost touch with who I really was. All that compliance set me up to be the perfectly-groomed victim of abuse.

We need to be civil and professional, but we don't have to take responsibility for others' rudeness.

Cheryl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> We need to be civil and professional, but we don't
> have to take responsibility for others' rudeness.

Is one allowed to take umbrage at others' rudeness?


I have heard of vendors inflating a rude client's billing. If the client paid and continued to use the vendor, the vendor could smile happily, knowing the rudeness was paid for. If the client stopped using the vendor, the vendor felt relieved.

This breaks down in the mormon context, where no money, just blessing, changes hands.

“We women tend to be shrill or demanding or stubborn, thinking we have the best idea ever,” Bingham said to audience laughter, “and if they don’t see it our way, clearly there’s a problem here.”

She suggested women look inside themselves for the solution.



Oh yeah, screw her.

I simply refuse to deal with anyone who mistreats me.

As far as I'm concerned the mormon context is up to the individual. Mormon blessings are often weapons. If members stopped catering to abuses, they wouldn't happen so often.

God forbid, it is actually the man's fault. Women are bitches and aggressive while men are assertive.