I was so devout and such a rule follower when I was young. I didn't like the idea of confessing to the bishop but I did.

When my husband was in viet nam and I masturbated I told my bishop. Looking back on it I think he must have thought I was silly and he just said something like--well it's understandable.
Pretty decent, I guess.
But, WHY DOES THE CHURCH PUT PEOPLE THROUGH THAT!?!?

I was a grown woman and still the church had its claws in my brain so deep that I would go to a man and tell him things like that. C--r--eepy...

I was so glad that we moved from that ward as soon as my husband returned from viet nam.

I've thought many times since then how terrible it would be to have to be in the same ward with a man (a stranger, really) that I'd confessed such private things to.

I was so afraid of having to ever confess, it scared me "straight." I was very, very careful not to do anything I'd have to confess for.

I am sure people are so tired of me repeating my story, BUT I ended up dating a gay guy. They thought I should save this guy. This was in 1983/84. So I got to discuss sex with the bishop. They thought he needed to be turned on by a woman and that we could do anything except intercourse (but I'm fairly certain the bishop would have overlooked that just to get us married). I didn't do anything except French kiss (yes, I'd never French kissed before and, yes, I'd had the opportunity to do much more). The bishop assigned my boyfriend to French kiss me and not tell me, but he told me because he knew how I was.

I ended up having to talk to 3 bishops (one my cousin), a SP, and my boyfriend's/husband's LDS therapist (they didn't send me to therapy--believe it or not) about sex endlessly. One of the reasons we finally got married was to get their voyeuristic eyes out of our lives. I refused to EVER GO TO THE LEADERS again about him being gay.

It was destroying me--what they were doing to me. They told me to save myself and then told me it was okay because I was "saving someone gay." By the way, it is still my fault he's gay. I wasn't righteous enough--per many mormons. Even my TBM daughter said that once.

It is a sick, sick practice, and now they are talking about starting the interviews at age 8 (per other threads).

"I've thought many times since then how terrible it would be to have to be in the same ward with a man (a stranger, really) that I'd confessed such private things to."


Not to mention the possibility that your confessor, completely ignorant of pastoral confidentiality and/or standards of professional conduct, relayed your personal information far and wide in the ward, even beyond.

My DH was a bishop way back in the 70's when he was very young (28) and deeply closeted. He never told me ANYTHING about individuals and their confessions. He did tell me that "people have problems" and I know it weighed heavily on him.

Fast forward to 1992. He came out to me. We both went to the bishop, individually. It was such a hot potato piece of information, the bishop was probably bursting to tell somebody. Who it was, I do not know, but it did not take long for the whole ward to know and gossip about it. It was a horrible thing for all of us, including our children.

Nobody knew my ex was gay until a while after he left. Then the bishop (next door neighbor and friend) asked me about it. His daughter was our main babysitter for years and her best friend happened to be living next to my ex and his boyfriend. So the bishop asked me if he could ask me a question and I immediately knew. He never told anyone.

The way people started finding out about my ex is that my daughter, at age 14, started telling her friends and then we all came out of the closet slowly. Now we're just "that family." ha ha ha ha I get a kick out of my life and how they must view it (until, of course, they start inviting me to church activities).

Nobody should have known your ex is gay until YOU GUYS decided to talk about it. WHICH is the reason that I refused to go to the leaders after our experience in the singles ward (though no one knew in the singles ward either). The bishop my ex was ex. sec. to it took years for him and his wife to find out and they've never gotten over it.

I have a disabled brother. He is both mentally and physically disabled. He did go on a mission, has been through the temple, etc. He came home from his mission believing he was gay as some of his companions told him he was. Being in my situation, I knew my brother wasn't gay, but nobody told me about this until 2 years after he got home from his mission. Then I found a therapist for him to go see. He only went twice. BUT the bishop hadn't discussed this with him in terms of helping him deal with the whole experience. It was more "what have you done?"

So when our mother died, he called me on the Sunday morning after she died and told me he had lost the spirit because he had masturbated and he needed to go talk to the bishop. I told him that NO, he didn't need to go to the bishop, that this was between him and God. My dad about died when he found out about the conversation. It has happened since--like last summer. My aunt was pressuring him to go to the temple regularly. I can't imagine how difficult that is for my brother as he has limited use of his left arm and leg. He didn't want to go. He'd come to my house every day for a few weeks to discuss it and I finally was able to get through to him that he didn't have to go to the temple.

Then at my daughter's wedding, my "uncle" was pressuring him again. I told him NOT to go.

It is all so abusive.

These things you lived through should be monetized. So much storytelling could go on with this cautionary tale backdrop. People trying to create “Zion” but invariably creating this toxic environment of resentment. Because why? Why would supposed spiritual leaders lobotomize its stewardship except for ulterior motives? If your system produces the same bad results everywhere it’s used, more prayer and scripture study isn’t going to fix it.

In the interest of fair play, I’m willing to fix all of the church’s problems. I could do it, maybe after a shot or two of Tequila. But the church is destined to fail. Even the leadership sees it, high profile looneys aside. They’re grabbing the cash and eying the exits.

3X Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> "I've thought many times since then how terrible
> it would be to have to be in the same ward with a
> man (a stranger, really) that I'd confessed such
> private things to."
>
>
> Not to mention the possibility that your
> confessor, completely ignorant of pastoral
> confidentiality and/or standards of professional
> conduct, relayed your personal information far and
> wide in the ward, even beyond.

And I can frankly tell you that confessed sins were regularly discussed during Ward Council. A lot of it coming from the auxiliary leaders that were in attendance.

Simply deny, deny, deny. You'll be glad of it.

Assuming ghawd exists, he already knows what you've done. So he, ghawd, can reveal to the bishop what you lied about.

But they know this isn't really true! I know this because there is a process for appealing court of lovey dovey decisions! And yes, court of lovey-dovey decisions have been overturned!

Okay, I think I'm making this up: "Article 4, section 19, paragraph 11, subparagraph A of the Utah state constitution dismisses any elected official from his office 19 days after an order of excommunication has been entered and approved."

But how can people feel good about themselves unless you confess to being naughty?

These interviews forced an honest girl to lie, a spiritual girl to feel guilty when taking the sacrament , needless stress in an already stressful time of adolescence . I am horrified that it will start at age 8. Yes, never, never, never participate in this trauma.

All the worthiness interviews did for me was trained me how to lie convincingly while under interrogation.

Most bishops are some guy in the ward that got called to be one. A fair amount of these people didn’t want to be a bishop but like all callings they do it. Bishops are under constant pressure to do what the stake presidency wants them to do. Of course the stake presidency is being rode hard by the general authorities of the church.

Most bishops probably hate doing all these interviews. I know the one I served under did. He just wanted to get home and spend Sunday afternoon with his family since his job required him to travel most the week. From what I have seen, the stench flows from the top in the church. Salt Lake usually is the culprit. Sure you have a few bishops who are pricks and abuse their position. Most I have known actually are just doing what they are told and counting down the days where they can pass the baton to the next guy.

After confessing to a variety of bishops that I played “with my little factory” I learned to lie. It was kind of fitting that an organization built upon lies taught a true believer to lie.

My girlfriend and I were at sacrament meeting in my college ward. The bishop was giving one of his confess-your-sins-to-me talks.

My girlfriend whispered, "Do we need to confess what we did last night?"

Even though we did (according to the church) I quickly and confidently answered, "Nope."

She smiled and relaxed as if I, with my magical priesthood powers, and absolved her sins. Or at least I'd told her what she was hoping to hear.

We continued sinning until Christmas break, after which she was engaged to someone else.

The bishops will get in hot water more teenagers will record their interviews with their phones and put it on youtube. Lowering the mission age to help prevent people getting inactive once the graduated from high school, members are leaving in droves. Mormonism is a high demand religion give even your own life for the building up of the kingdom. Bishops are not getting paid. It used to be temple recommends were renewed yearly they changed it to every 2 years. How much work do they want to add for the bishop?