My wife became a Mormon 12 years ago, but I have told her again and again, that I will never join it. Throughout these years I have tried to be supportive to an extent, such as going to get-togethers at her church, attending the Christmas party, weddings, things along this line.
But about five years ago, I came to the realization that attending these occasions was actually depressing my spirituality. Many times, people will just start talking to me about how I should get involved more with “ the church”, and it would be just so nice for me to become a member. I always would have a depressed feeling after one of these so called up building conversations. And then several big shots from the church came over and talked to me for about an hour asking me what I believed and how true their church is. That one really pushed me over the edge. I decided at that point to just walk away from the mormons, and focus on my own beliefs. My wife seems quite secure in hers, but it will never become a part of me. Each time something comes up for me to attend, I always make sure that I have something else to do.Even someplace as safe as a restaurant becomes a chance for them to get me to join.
I’m beginning to wonder why the Mormons just can’t understand the fact that I’m not interested, Doesn’t free will mean anything to them? I guess that I could be a jerk and just start spouting off the falsities, and reasons why I’m not interested, but that might just feed their sense of righteousness and persecution, realizing that I’m a lost soul to them?
I have a great interest in religion. I attend different churches and enjoy watching religion work through people, where it’s not a requirement, or obligation. My parents were Jehovah witnesses so I have a developed sense of when religion is not right. Leaving the jw’s was really stressful, and took quite a lot of substance out of me. People that I knew for decades will not even acknowledge me in passing because I walked away, ,,, really strange.
And now dealing with the Mormons is very much like going back to that mindset for me.
So I'm asking individuals that once were Mormons,,What can I do/say to these people that would make them realize once and for all that I’m not going to join their club ?

They're harassing you because you're a potential "priesthood" holder.

It might need to be your wife who tells them to back off.

I agree you need to have a heart to heart with your wife and tell her you're only trying to support her and you will never join. She's probably the one who is getting them to recruit you, so she needs to be the first to tell them to back off.

If they continue, I'd just tell them that I don't believe and I never will and please stop bugging me. No need to go into why. If they ask, I wouldn't want to argue the facts because they never believe you anyway. I'd just say I have a deep burning in my bosom that says it's not true.

I had been one of the ward projects for about a year. I couldn't understand why all of these people from the ward were stopping by to specifically see me.

It stopped after I had a heart-to-heart with my wife and she admitted that she had encouraged the bishopric to send themselves and others to talk to me about converting. She sent the word out after I told her that I would never convert, and attempts to do so were only pissing me off.

I've only had to contend with missionaries (and renewed efforts by my wife) for the past five years, but they were almost obligatory attempts so they could say they tried, I suppose. Apparently there's a file on me from my wife's old ward letting future missionaries know that I'm not a good prospect for conversion.

I've been inactive for 25 years or more and I resigned many years ago. If you talk to a mormon, they always bring up religion. They always think they are right and you are lost. It will never change. Best to keep your distance. You can't give them an inch. Even then, they'll still try to 'save' you.

They can't understand because it's been drilled into them from birth that everyone should be a mormon. That's their mindset. Mormonism is a cult like the JWs, although perhaps a touch less nasty.

When you decline politely (as you have been doing), mormons interpret it as a "maybe not now, but try again later." If you are more assertive, they will probably (as you have noted) take offense and feel persecuted. But sometimes you just have to do that to maintain your peace and sanity. You will have to find a way to pound it into their thick mormon skulls.

The issue for you is how aggressive can you be in repelling the mormons without it affecting your wife. Phrases like "f---ing cult" would work on them, but I doubt she'd appreciate it. Keep in mind that she's almost certainly getting pressure from her own leaders to bring you[r free time and tithing money] into the church.

You can ask her to run interference for you, I suppose, but IMO that's not likely to work. Remember that as a female, she's a 2nd-class citizen in the church, and the men in charge are unlikely to listen to her.


Here is a quote by a previous so-called prophet that may help you understand why they are so persistent and never give up:

"The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball," p. 553:

"Every gospel teaching experience is a spiritual experience for all parties, regardless of whether it leads to baptism or not. Our goal should be to identify as soon as possible which of our Father's children are spiritually prepared to proceed all the way to baptism into the kingdom. One of the best ways to find out is to expose your friends, relatives, neighbors, and acquaintances to the full-time missionaries as soon as possible. Don't wait for long fellowshipping nor for the precise, perfect moment. What you need to do is find out if they are the elect. '[My] elect hear my voice and harden not their hearts.' If they hear and have hearts open to the gospel, it will be evident immediately. If they won't listen and their hearts are hardened with skepticism or negative comments, they are not ready. In this case, keep loving them and fellowshipping them and wait for the next opportunity to find out if they are ready. You will not lose their friendship. They will still respect you.

"Of course, there are discouragements, but nothing is ever lost. No one ever loses a friend just because he doesn't want to continue with the visits from the missionaries. The member can continue the association with no threat to his friendship or special relationship with that family. Sometimes it takes more time for some to come into the Church than for others. The member should continue to fellowship and try again at a later date for conversion. Don't be discouraged just because of a temporary lack of progress. There are hundreds of stories about the value of perseverance in missionary service."


Also, you probably weren't attending actual weddings, but rather post-wedding receptions. The actual wedding would have taken place in the nearby temple, which as a non-member you would not have been allowed into.

decultified Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>
> "The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball," p. 553:
>
> "Every gospel teaching experience is a spiritual
> experience for all parties, regardless of whether
> it leads to baptism or not. Our goal should be to
> identify as soon as possible which of our Father's
> children are spiritually prepared to proceed all
> the way to baptism into the kingdom. One of the
> best ways to find out is to expose your friends,
> relatives, neighbors, and acquaintances to the
> full-time missionaries as soon as possible. Don't
> wait for long fellowshipping nor for the precise,
> perfect moment. What you need to do is find out if
> they are the elect. ' elect hear my voice and
> harden not their hearts.' If they hear and have
> hearts open to the gospel, it will be evident
> immediately. If they won't listen and their hearts
> are hardened with skepticism or negative comments,
> they are not ready. In this case, keep loving them
> and fellowshipping them and wait for the next
> opportunity to find out if they are ready. You
> will not lose their friendship. They will still
> respect you.
>
> "Of course, there are discouragements, but nothing
> is ever lost. No one ever loses a friend just
> because he doesn't want to continue with the
> visits from the missionaries. The member can
> continue the association with no threat to his
> friendship or special relationship with that
> family. Sometimes it takes more time for some to
> come into the Church than for others. The member
> should continue to fellowship and try again at a
> later date for conversion. Don't be discouraged
> just because of a temporary lack of progress.
> There are hundreds of stories about the value of
> perseverance in missionary service."
>
>
> Also, you probably weren't attending actual
> weddings, but rather post-wedding receptions. The
> actual wedding would have taken place in the
> nearby temple, which as a non-member you would not
> have been allowed into.



This is a great quote that sums up the issue perfectly. There is no playing nice because they always have ulterior motives.

This is just my two cents worth
When you speak of free will I attach this to the conept of agency.
People speak of free agency and their is no such thing. Agency and will(power) are never free.
However if people try to rob you of your agency, that is , take away your right to choose then you must stand tall and tell them to back off.
I intend to go into this concept of agency in a later post in the near future

You will always be a walking tithing check to Mormons.

wow interesting posts everyone, thank you so much for all of your input !

As has been said over and over... you can't have a toe in the pool with the Mormons... I avoid Mormon activities at all costs... My mom goes to some of the functions and they are always at her... on the other hand I have a toe in some catholic functions and am viewed as a good person, but am never bothered to take it to the next step.

Whatever happened to free will?

They started charging you for it.

Think of it as overpriced bottled water. Same stuff that comes out of the tap.

They claim their life water permanently cures thirst. So they are upselling.

Bottom line is that unlike other religions, Mormonism is NOT a belief system. Mormonism traps it's members by telling them that if they had good feelings while being taught the tenants of Mormonism then they felt "The Spirit". If they felt the Spirit then they have a testimony of the truthfulness of Mormonism. And if they have a testimony of the church's truthfulness then they KNOW the church is true. Once they KNOW (not believe) the church is true they have no choice but to bring everyone into their church.

When you say you do not believe in Mormonism, their response is that you just have not done the work necessary to come to that 1. feeling and then.... - 2.testimony and then.... - 3.knowledge. In psychological terminology it is called brainwashing. Your wife is indoctrinated, deluded and (sorry to say) brainwashed by this simple technique.

The only thing I can suggest is that because Mormonism bases it's doctrine on belief in: 1. Joseph Smith 2. the Book of Mormon 3. a need for a modern prophet, you need to stand fast on saying these three things.

"I KNOW Joseph Smith was not a prophet. I KNOW the Book of Mormon is a fake. I KNOW that nobody has the right to say he talks to God for others, especially not me." Stick to those three foundational phrases and they should get the message after awhile. Maintain that your right to say you know something is just as valid as theirs. Actually, it is more valid because theirs is just based on fantasy thinking without any facts.

Mormons say they know their truths through prayer and revelation from the Holy Spririt. You know your truths through study and critical thinking. End game is you do not recognize truth through the same methodology they have. Don't give an inch. Stick to your guns that feelings are not a safe way to arrive at serious decision making.

Best wishes friend!