I used to be a regular at RFM, but left years ago and have since moved on with my life. Mostly.

I only ever come back here when I'm feeling a "Mormon Trigger".

I can count on one hand the number of people from that chapter of my life, that are still in touch with me 6 years after I left the church.

Some time ago, one of these people, a married man, FB messages me to tell me that he and his wife left the church.

I figured he just wanted to talk to somebody who "gets it".

I congratulated him on his newfound freedom, and if he and his wife wanted to go out for drinks and talk, let me know.

We did end up doing that. During the organization of a get-together, he made a comment to me about how I should make out with his wife. (I'm a bisexual woman, and he and his wife know this.)

I laughed them off, and said, "No, I don't do that with married people...and if I did, your wife is a woman of her free will who doesn't need your permission anyway!"

A couple of years back, he made a comment of a similar nature, that I foolishly decided to shake off without comment. He actually made the comment to me while I was at work, and it just completely caught me off guard. (I worked in a coffee shop at a school where he was a student.)

Well, I meet him and his wife...and during the meeting, she tells me that he cheated on her. With a neighbor who lived in the same building as him. The cheatee (or I should call her a cheater, too) is also LDS and married to a guy that I knew because he was in the ward when I was there. Turns out that the woman with whom he cheated is mentally ill...

And this male friend of mine is studying to be a psychologist.

The whole meeting with these two ended up being a tense, negative, and upsetting engagement.

I didn't say much during the meeting, because I felt floored and awkward.

But a couple of days later, when I composed myself, I told his wife...not only about the comments he made on two occasions suggesting that she and I should have a sexual relationship; but also my deep reservations about her supporting a guy through school who not only cheated on her, but did it with a mentally ill person when he's supposed to be helping people like this woman. I pointed out that this is a red flag that he might one day do this with a patient.

Her response to my disclosure of his inappropriate comments:

"Oh, he knows that I am bi-curious and we're looking into polyamory. He was trying to help me. You're the only bisexual woman we know. We thought you'd be flattered!"

WHAT THE FUCK...

First and foremost, if you want to flatter a bisexual woman, don't mention she's the only one you know when you're trying to hit her up for sex!

Secondly, if you want to make an immodest proposal, you can do it without making the person feel like trash, or cause them to question your intentions.

For example, "Hey, we're looking into polyamory, and we were wondering what your views are on it? The reason we ask, is because we know you're bi, we like you, and think you're cute...and were wondering if you may be interested?"

The answer would have been no, but I would have appreciated the proposal being brought forth respectfully.

Needless to say, I unfriended them both.

I ran into hubby a few weeks ago. I told him I unfriended them both, because I felt they were trying to use me.

He didn't say sorry, but he did try to make small talk.

I cut through all that, and asked how their polyamory thing was working out for them.

I gleaned they were having no luck. I laughed, and said, "Well, seeing that y'all thought I would be 'flattered' because I am the only bi woman you know, I'm not surprised!"

I then asked him how the dynamic was working for them. "So are you okay with her making out with other men, too?"

He said no.

I said, "Oh, I see. So you think a woman is less capable of stealing your wife's heart from you than a man is? You're no feminist and no LGBT ally if you think that. I can't believe you think that a woman is less lovable, when you have a daughter. You should be happy I'm a better woman than I could be. I would seduce your wife just to show you how stupid you are. Don't think I can do it? For starters, I'm a hell of a lot more attractive than you are. Secondly, and more importantly, nobody had to support me through school, or life."

His jaw dropped when I said that.

"You don't need to bring innocent women into your dysfunctional relationship," I continue, "You need marriage counseling. Take care."

What do you expect from people who married the first person they dated, four months after the first date?

Tell me about your crazy ex-churchmates.

Very unfair!!

The craziness of your former friends doesn't really involve mormonism... They're just straight nuts.

Then by comparison, our stories are going to be lame. Like my high point of mormon nuttiness (not counting the temple), which is the silly personal revelations members get. We have all heard the stories.

My only personal one involved a Lady Missionary I served with who less than a month after I got home, told me ghawd had revealed she would be married by the end of the month, and asked if I would be the groom.

As horny as I was, I was tempted... But I declined.

You're right. But the church's culture of "Marry as fast as you can after your mission to the first 'worthy' person" did not help. Not to excuse them...but I think if they were surrounded by people who encouraged them to be more selective than a returned missionary with a temple recommend, they might have taken the time to date other people before settling on each other.

I don't think either of them dated anybody else.

LOL, Elderolddog.

I could tell crazy stories about almost every Mormon guy I dated at BYU! Many different guys said these things, not just one kook:

"I saw you across the room, and I KNEW you were The One."

"Let's pray together, in the bedroom, alone, with the lights out.

"I love you! I know it's only our third date, but I can see us getting married."

"Will you marry me? You can put me through school."

The two most popular BYU seduction lines were: "I know that we knew each other in the Hereafter," and "God told me you are The One."

A couple of BYU guys wanted to see if our "auras" blended. This was a common myth at BYU, that in the dark, a naked person gives off an energy rainbow aura, and if a naked guy and girl's auras blend together, that's a sign that they are compatible. The students liked to do this at parties, having other people be observers of their auras.

Right, though, nothing can top your story, Too Lazy!

Glad you unfriended those wierd-o's. They were obviously out of touch with reality, and trying to cure themselves and each other with psychology, when they were the ones needing mental help.

"Let's pray together, in the bedroom, alone, with the lights out!" Hahahaha. Thank you for that!

While I don't blame the Mormon church completely for their craziness...

It certainly didn't help.

I remember that we were in a YSA ward together, before they started dating.

She got up to speak during Fast and Testimony, announced that she was 26 and running out of time to get married...and proceeded to bawl.

One week later, they made it FB official that they were dating. They were married four months after that. I think the bishop may have facilitated the match, but I'm not completely sure.

Now they both want to blame the church that they didn't date other people or wait a little longer.

Nobody held a gun to their heads and forced them down the aisle. They were both adults. They did that to themselves.

They both wanted to get laid so badly, they looked for the first church-sanctioned way to do it with no evaluation of what they were doing.

They need to own that truth, and stop using it as an excuse to treat other people like crap.

In the very beginning of my recovery, I wanted to blame the church for everything, too.

But as I started to progress (in a genuine way, not the church-sanctioned way), I realized that I allowed myself to get deceived.

I hope they get there someday...together or apart.

WOW these people are just awful. I’m so sorry this happened to you, and it is great that you un-friended them and what you said to him was brilliant.
Ive had crazy experiences with tbm family members, but I’ve posted about that already on here. Like you, I wasn’t on here for five years, and only came back because of them.
I have met some crazy, nasty people in and out of the mormon church though. I could literally fill a book with the stuff from mormons. I’ve been propositioned as well and it was like being treated like trash, so I think I know how you feel. I was really angry, and in such situations I am initially shocked and floored into silence. Being propositioned regularly on dating sites is one thing, but it is of course ten times worse when you know the person.
My craziest church ex-friend was a guy who I should have gotten on well with. We were both converts, the same age, had lots of other interests in common, similar past experiences with relationships, both raised Church of England, similar schools and grew up in the same area, and: we both resigned from the church (him very publicly) for very similar reasons. Yet he often annoyed me, and he had some personality quirks which at the time I put down to mental health issues, but this is probably why we never dated when we were mormons. But he was decent, and so I still trusted him as a friend. He moved away but got back in touch via social media last year...I appreciated it, at first.

So we caught up via email, something which is always nice with an old friend. I confided in him regarding the issues with my family, and how I was still recovering from both this and two abusive relationships I’d had, and that I was now seeing a therapist as I was so traumatised by it all.
After initially being supportive and exchanging our usual similar stories, he then ended up saying: That I was lucky because I had at least had a relationship, because it meant I had had sex. He had not had any relationship and was not coping being alone anymore because he needed sex. He would be willing to travel all the way to see me (over 100 miles):and we could get together.
I did not grace this with a response. So much for being a friend.

I could tell many stories about mormons who did or said horrible or weird stuff that basically revealed that they were not a friend. I literally have only about three friends from the mormon cult, out of hundreds of people I knew. The other craziest one, was my fake SIL - my daughter’s aunt, and there were a number of things over the years. One time, she called me up (as did my mother for the same reason) because she was angry that I’d allowed my then-boyfriends mother to host a birthday party for my then-five year old daughter, instead of me asking her parents to do it. This was in spite of the fact neither set of grandparents ever offered to help, and my boyfriends mother had not only offered, but had arranged everything to take the pressure off me. When I told her this she went ballistic, and said that I was out of order for criticising her parents (which I hadn’t done). SOMEHOW she ended up saying that everyone was concerned about me and when I asked why on earth that was, she went into an attack on my personal appearance, and said it was concerning that I was currently walking around in big flat shoes or boots, with hardly any make up. Apparently my current disregard for the usual mormon vanity somehow reflected on me as a person. I hung up on her. Years later she took my daughter to Disneyland Paris with her own family, and when I thanked her profusely, she said “well it’s not like you’ll ever be able to do it”. I was incensed about that but my family defended her saying she was just a bit insensitive.

All of this from the girl whose brother was an absent father due to addiction and who had therefore left me to raise our daughter alone with no child support (and his addictions IMO were probably the result of coming from this messed up crazy mormon family).

I SO wish I’d left this cult years before I did. When I did leave, I once posted on facebook about a lovely evening id had drinking wine after a hard week at work. She made disparaging comments on my Facebook wall, and this was when I deleted her and nearly every mormon I knew. She has since sent me friend requests and I ignore them. She is Fb friends with my brother and daughter. In some ways it never ends, and I often wonder what is going on behind my back. Brother and SIL have not posted on Fb for over a year, but they still log in and like stuff, which is all really very weird.

There were two old (as in 30 years older than me) single guys in my ward and they used to randomly buy me stuff. I’d send it back or refuse if possible but it didn’t stop them. One left a bike for my daughter, which was kind, but made me feel uncomfortable- it’s not like I knew this guy. Other dude kept leaving me fruit, and offering me bunches of bananas at church. When this didn’t endear him to me, he used to really look like he was suffering and heartbroken. RS president did nothing for me, but thought she was the kindest person in the world for holding a crap valentines party at her house just for the few single women in the ward, where she spent the whole evening patronising us, and subsequently in church she kept trying to give me half used items of leftover food. She would smile, being elated with herself for this kindness. The only good thing about this woman is she wasn’t overprotective of her eldest son and didn’t hate me for being an option for him, like most mothers did who had sons close to my age (yet another reason I had no friends in the cult). BUT this was only because she couldn’t fathom him ever being interested in me...And yet he was, and unfortunately I had to give him the cold shoulder as the thought of having this woman as a mother in law would have pushed me over the edge.

I will probably in due course remember more people who did worse things.

These people were absolutely BATSHIT CRAZY.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/26/2019 04:55AM by LJ12.

Dear God, your SIL sounds just like my mother. And those admirers just sound...well, fruity. Glad you're out, my friend...and like me, only back here when the cult triggers you.

I had a lot of weird things happen, but nothing like what you did!!! That is just disgusting. Even if we can't blame it all on mormonism, mormonism has a weird social culture that makes for some really strange people.

I did date outside of mormonism and I had a good idea of what was out there compared to mormonism. I made the mistake of not marrying a nonmormon and going on to try to find that man that God had prepared for me. ha ha ha I love that teaching. God will provide.

Many experiences happened in mormonism, especially in the singles ward. Oh hell, do they ever stop even if we've left the church?

The one that stands out to me, but isn't that big, is this one guy who was a bit odd who lived close by. He always had to get permission from the bishop to bear his testimony as there had been many issues. As he'd start up to the stand, the bishop would hold up 5 fingers and the guy would hold up 6, etc., and the bishop would very strongly let the guy know no longer than 5 minutes.

So one Sunday, my roommate and I were eating dinner or something and the doorbell rang. It was this guy. He needed to borrow a roll of toilet paper as he didn't want to break the sabbath. My roommate went to get the toilet paper, handed it to him, and shut the door. Neither of us said a word. After he was gone, we started laughing.