Day light savings means it gets dark early in this mid-west town...around 5:30pm it seems. It was 6:00pm and dark as I pulled in to my driveway this last Wednesday. As I got out of my car I noticed two adult males standing at the edge of my yard, both dressed in suits. One was a tall white guy, with a full beard. The other was a black guy. Their appearance fooled me a bit – so I am thinking these are JW’s. I am a huge guy, a former collegiate powerlifter who still bench presses 400 pounds. I am not afraid of anybody. Therefore, I quickly went over to them and said, "Can I help you?"

They said, "Oh we are from the church of cheese and rice..and we are here to see your wif...I mean we're to check on your both."

I knew that he was about to say!

He was about to say, “we are here to check on your wife." You see when we left the cult 10 years ago, she my wife never resigned. She thought it was silly to do. I did formally resign however.

If he would have finished his sentence, I would have quickly scolded him by explaining, "Um...just think this for a second, you come to my house...2 strange men whom we’ve never met..and ask to speak to my wife..we don't even know you..is there a normal social boundary that has gone ary here?"...but he stopped himself mid-stream and didn't say that. However, this same scenario happens about three times per year, and they usually do say, “We are here to check on Sister Smith..is she here.” It always cracks me up because then I get to scold them. It’s so much fun to school a Mormon on social etiquette.

So I just said, "Hey..well we have not been Mormons for 10 years...we are NOT Mormons anymore, but THEN AGAIN NEITHER ARE YOU BOTH MORMONS ANYMORE RIGHT?”

The looks on their faces…priceless. They immediately knew what I was referring to. I said, “I heard that Jesus told Russ and Wendy that the name "Mormon" is now inappropriate right? So you are not Mormons anymore as of this summer…(chuckling)."

The bearded one said, "That's clever...I like that..yeah we are not known as Mormons anymore."
I quickly retorted, "Ok, but do you still believe in the Book of Mormon?"

He nodded. To which I said, "well good luck with that brethren..because the rest of the world will still regard you as Mormons...sorry...worth a try though..as long as you believe in the Book of Mormon and Joseph Smith..you’ll be regarded as Mormons…whether you like it or not…sucks to be you.”

So I had them flustered and ready to run. I have found that the best way to insult a Mormon, which I love to do to embarrass a Mormon in public, whether it be a crowded home depot, school or sports event..is to fake friendliness and simply say loudly,"Well hello my Mormon friends…what a good looking Mormon couple…how are you today? Do you guys still read the Book of Mormon in the Mormon church by the way? We go to the Christian church now because we don’t believe in polygamy like you Mormons do.” (we actually are both athiests now, but you know…)

If they are brave enough to challenge you and say “well we do not believe in polygamy either.” Then say, “well that funny because Joseph’s Myth had 31 wives, 1 14 year old wife, 5 teenage wives, and 11 wives that were already married. And you can still marry more than one wife in the Mormon temple…so you sure do still do believe in polygamy.you did at the beginning and you do now.”

Bottom line is that Mormons hate to be called Mormons in public. They hated it before the recent name change and they especially hate it now. You know why? Because deep down they know that Mormonism is seen as a bat shit crazy religion.
Try it. You will see the look of embarrassment sheepishly flush across their faces..it's priceless. If you are a recovering Mormon like me...it's good medicine to embarrass a Mormon.

If they're going to talk the talk on Sundays in the sublime and sheltered comfort of their chapels, they need to walk the walk at Home Depot or whereever. They shouldn’t be embarrassed to be a light of Mormonism to the world..the one true and only religion. If they can’t handle the check out line at home depot, how in the world will they be able to be litteral God’s and Godesses, Kings and Queens, of they own planets?

This is gold. Thank you.

Remind them of Romans 1:16

"For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek."

The mormon "gospel of Christ" includes polygamy. Sounds like they're ashamed of it. Mormons truly committed to their "gospel" should be shouting it from the rooftops.

but they also have never told me not to call them mormon. I know it bugs some of them when I do that, but I don't care. I'm certainly not going to say tcjcols or whatever it is.

IN 4 links to pics ~


(no homo) ~


well done OPie ~


this happened OPie ~


well done OPie ~

Too bad your encounter wasn't filmed and posted to social media.

Your strategy of embarrassing them left a deeper psychological impression on the elder than had you used physical intimidation.

I have tried to embarrass the family countless times. They seem immune to it, but I think I am wearing them down slowly. They always have a retort ready at a seconds notice, which makes me wonder if they know it is all BS. They just have to give the image of supporting the cult and that is good enough for them. I can't wait for the day when it all comes crumbling down. Then they will really see how foolish they were. And I will be there to rub it in.

tell them you don't want them hitting on your wife, there is a singles bar in town. You did real good at telling them, your wife and you don't know them, it socially unacceptable to make a house call like that.