A few observations. It’s a huge relief to no longer need to prove myself at and about Christmas. When I was still part of COJCOLDS, I baked at least ten kinds of cookies, made everyone I knew homemade gifts, forced amaryllis and narcissus bulbs in glass containers I bought by scouring thrift stores for months, then I gave them away. The tree was some sort of Victorian fantasy. Christmas dinner was elaborate, expensive and exhausting. I worked with the image of the perfect Mormon woman taking over my head. And for me, there was always a let down. And exhaustion. And the feeling of still not being good enough.

Fast forward and over the course of the last 30, mormonless years, I’ve shed that skin. Christmas is no longer a religious event for me. This year I didn’t bake any cookies. No gifts. No fancy dinner. Just a gentle day with no fuss nibbles. Jammies all day. Peace. Some candles and lights in my windows to cope with the endless winter darkness. I finally stopped feeling sad on Christmas, even though my extended family has fallen out, leaving me without an invite because a nephew’s wife dislikes me. That now feels like a relief. No pretending. Just kindness, gentleness and contentment.

It is such a gift to not be chained to nostalgia of a past that never really existed in the first place. Thanks for sharing! Happy Holidays!

After a demi-careful analysis of my life and times, I have semi-concluded that the basic reason I was a mini-mormon was that it was, at that time, the most practical, handiest Lexus-nexus for being with people who liked to laugh. Maybe that's why the temple was such a huge disappointment?

Now if I could only find someplace to hang out where laughter abounded ...