I feel like for me and maybe others, maybe not... there is a space in between with posters here. There are the super smart, the really catchy and funny and I love all of that. I am not in those places, I am smart but stuck. Funny but tragic. This holiday season I found myself with time off of work and have had the time to witness my still programmed spaces. Yes I have tattoos and drink coffee and swear like a sailor and laugh off of my ass about all kinds of delightful inappropriateness. I love alcohol and I love not being aligned with mormon reasons for the seasons. I've been out so many years you'd think I was a pro. But I'm not, entirely. I just thought I'd put this out there. In case anyone else was feeling off a bit like I am. You aren't alone. In case you are in a hard space, I am too. I feel you.

I am a frequent poster here, and I have always felt “off.”
I adore people here, and am always amazed at many who are exquisitely bright.

I have made friends off-line with a few folks who post here. I treasure those friendships.

No matter what, though, I know that I am “off” and will always be “off” in any setting.

I hope you stay and comment more.

I like it here, but no one knows me. Every human is an island and some have very few bridges.

My feeling has always been one of betrayal. By family,so called friends, and especially religion.
If you are promised one thing and dealt another you are betrayed. In my opinion it is the most damaging of all. Religion practices this on a regular basis. Actually it is not the religion. That is an inanimate object. It is the people who have usurped power within the organization who betray you!

I dunno...but isn't feeling "off" or "different" part of your newly-discovered individuality?

Think about how the Mormons made you fit into that tight little mold. You were one of many others, exactly like you, who dressed alike, thought alike, EVEN spoke alike, EVEN in little whispery temple-voices, EVEN wore the same underwear. The Mormon cult theory that everyone can fit in exactly is mistaken. The Mormon cult expectation that everyone should be perfect is problematic.

So, you find out that you are NOT like everyone else. You are not perfectly obedient, so you go to the other extreme by being "perfectly" rebellious. You can excel at that!

It's all about finding yourself--I know it's trite to say that--but it's necessary for you to create your own unique philosophy of life, goals, values, happiness, fun, etc. You are getting your life back! This can be a great adventure! It was for me, after leaving a lifetime of Mormonism behind.

Maybe, feeling socially awkward is a side-effect of Mormonism. Not that we really are socially inept, but we FEEL socially inept. For example, when we drink. Yikes! Or, if you say something really funny, and everyone laughs really loud--what did you do? These can be good things! Your true personality is coming back to life!

Just don't hurt anyone or break the law. Don't hurt yourself. Tattoos HURT, owch, and alcohol is expensive and unhealthy, but I have enjoyed the "rebellion" of hiking and skiing on Sundays, growing my hair long (yeah, I'm a female, but Mormon mom's used to have the same hairdo), wearing pants, working outside the home and playing hard with my children, and being happily single.

Oh yeah I'm "off" with people that I know are judging me. I'm not paranoid--I know when it's really happening. Who doesn't feel awkward in that trial-like situation?

What can make you feel more "off" than people peering through your clothes and even feeling you up, to see what underwear you are wearing???

And you think it's YOU? No, it's the Mormons who are "off"!

Try mixing Mormons in any normal, real-world group or situation, such as a work situation, and you will understand what I mean. In a business office environment, outside of Utah, and Mormon behavior is absolutely bizarre! Imagine, in a major city, business people whispering and gossiping and pointing fingers at each other. Imagine a businessman asking a younger colleague about his sex life, or married business people asking each other when they plan to have their next baby. What business person tries to recruit a client into a cult? Even in purely social situations, who does these things? Nowhere is it polite to exclude someone out of a conversation, to fail to introduce new people to each other, to snub someone who is gay or of the wrong race, or who is wearing a shirt that you don't like! At parties and business situations, both, everyone knows to avoid the controversial subjects of religion and politics!

No, you guys are not "off." The Mormons are "off". (Off their rockers.)

I'm still off. I always will be. I don't care anymore like I did as a mormon. My family was of the fringe element (per the mormon royalty list on this website). Mormons, for the most part, treat me better now as I just don't care EXCEPT with my daughter. I often wish that my daughter saw me for who I really am, but she chooses not to.

I posted on another thread that I'm insane and I am. I accept it. Who wouldn't be insane after the life I've lived???

I get it, ^^^. There are cliques here like in high school and mormonism.

"Off" would be a step up from how I feel right now. Luckily I know it won't last once I slog through some more of what I've got going.

The sun will come out tomorrow. Y'know? Hey. That would make a good song.

Been a few days since your post--hope you are feeling "on" again ,^^^, by now.

I've felt a bit "off" here too...but mostly because I don't share the experience of having gone on a mission, or going to the temple or actually getting married in the temple or of ever being a TBM. So I am not qualified to speak to those experiences. I was born into the church and hardly ever missed a Sunday but pretty much just went along for the ride until I could get off it.