Posted by:
ptbarnum
(
)
Date: January 25, 2020 02:36PM
Over on the "Your First Apostate Thoughts" thread, I said it was D&C 132 that was the first "doubt sprout" for me.
As an eager to please little puppychild, I was such an ingratiating student that my VTs made something of a pet of me. Right after my baptism, we started meeting once a week for scripture study. I was an avid amateur historian and wanted to know everything about the founders, the pioneers, and the prophets.
It's funny to remember now, with wiser sight, how evasive these ladies often were about early cult history, and how closely they censored my reading material and fenced in my personal interpretations of scripture. I only had my blue paperback BoM which I was having trouble reading all through, and my personal pre-Mo Bible was NIV, not KJV. But I was really excited and determined to begin to read and correlate D&C, so the Sisters bought me my own Quad. Which I read, which contributed to my leaving. I don't think they know that Quad is part of why I left. Perhaps they should refrain from giving them out, even to really submissive and ready to be brainwashed damaged little puppies like I was.
So in a tribute to my assigned friends, these ladies who led me to discover D&C and the BoA, I have brought forth a new revelation. This one came to me while I was unloading the dishwasher just now. Steam befogged my spectacles, and within the steam I beheld the undivine word, written in Reformed Dirtdishen.
Barnum and Covenants 1:
Oh, my Molly Mentors of bygone days, verily, verily, I say unto thee, gift thou not a Quad to the convert thou wisheth to clasp unto thy bosom, for if thou giveth the Quad, dost thou expect she shall not read?
Yea, I say unto thee, she shall read, and be aggrieved, and there shall be one more departed unto Exmo Enlightenment away from thy Molly number.
Therefore grant the newcomer no Quad, for verily, some tithing may be gathered ere she read and depart, and with time she may be swayed from any conviction to read, as the offspring spring off, and she growth tired and truly a Molly of thy number.
But lo, if truly she insisteth to read, still giveth it not as a gift, for verily, the Quad resteth on sale at Deseret Book, at a price most reasonable unto the Authority, and thus if she do read and depart, yea, the most important part of her is already rendered unto the Authority, that of the coin.