I have a daughter in her 40's. She's very attractive, but somehow keeps intimidating the guys. She really wants to be married, but the two who came close did not work out. She really wants a child, so I suggested that there are so many adoptable kids out there, really needing a parent. She and my TBM wife were almost appalled at the idea, saying that the church does not allow a single woman to adopt a child, and that she would be open to church discipline. I was thinking, "Whaaaa'??" Is this true? Does the church forbid single women to adopt a child?

Probably because there won't be a holy, priesthood holder man of the house

"She and my TBM wife were almost appalled at the idea, saying that the church does not allow a single woman to adopt a child,"

But state agencies WILL allow her to adopt. You and your daughter know you don't have to go thru LDS services to do this, right??

"But state agencies WILL allow her to adopt. You and your daughter know you don't have to go thru LDS services to do this, right??"

==Do state agencies allow a single man to adopt?

Yes....

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/single-dad-adopts-13-old-abandoned-2-years-173429950--abc-news-topstories.html

A woman in my ward adopted two girls with Down's syndrome that were students at the school she worked at.

She was praised for adopting the girls and received a lot of help from the ward with home maintenance and yard work. Most people were very willing to lend a hand.

This part has nothing to do with the OP's question but one of the girls had a higher mental capacity and she spoke her mind. She liked to give the closing prayer in YW and would always ask HF that her mom would stop slapping and hitting her for talking back or for not doing a chore.

The other girl caught on and would say similar things in her prayers. It was shocking and disturbing. One time their mom was in class when one of the girls brought up in the closing prayer that her mom slaps her. After the prayer the woman shrugged and said,"Oh well!" and people laughed.

Another teacher and I spoke to the Bishop about it and he wasn't concerned and went on to say how difficult it must be to raise two children with special needs, etc.. Some girls from the class had also expressed their concerns and some parents too.

Shortly after the woman was released from her calling and was receiving counselling through LDS Social Services.

I moved and left the church more than 15 years ago but I hope things improved for all of them.

Ten years or so ago when the Utah legislature passed a law banning same-sex couples from adopting, they specified that it was legal for a single adult to adopt. I don't know what the rationale was, but I'm sure LDS Inc was aware of that and gave tacit approval.

Utah banned same-sex couples from adopting? So those kids need homes but not those homes. That’s just sick.

LDS Social Services sets the 40 year age limit. If you adopt through the state it doesn’t apply. My wife was 44 when we adopted. LDS Social Services is more geared toward getting you an actual baby because they’re in the trafficking business. But the receiving mom has to be younger than 40, you need to be a temple recommend holder, and there are other hoops to jump through.

She doesn't kowtow to the RMs. She must not look too successful. She must not act independent at all. She can never let the guys know she is earning more money than they are. She must not be educated. My daughter just got married a year ago. She is 34. I was 27 when I got married. The bishop even told me not to tell the guys how much I earned. And we all know how my married life was and other than the ex drug addict I was also dating who had reactivated (great guy), I wouldn't have found someone to marry who was mormon. There are so many now.

My old roommate thought of adopting back in the 1980s and she was told not to. She ended up married in her 40s and chose not to adopt.

If your daughter would look outside mormonism, she'd probably be scooped up in no time at all. I could date any nonmormon I met back then. I dated several and had 3 marriage proposals by the 3 I dated the most.

“She and my TBM wife were almost appalled at the idea, saying that the church does not allow a single woman to adopt a child, and that she would be open to church discipline.”

Excuses are like elbows. If she wanted to, she would find a way. I think what she really means is that she wants to fill the cookie cutter Mormon role. We no longer live in a cookie cutter world.

How much time does she spend with nieces and nephews or other children of friends and relatives? Children need love and attention. She could have the best of both worlds.

Most importantly, she needs to stop focusing on what she doesn’t have. That creates a blockage. The practice of gratitude helps with that.

Yes the church discourages single women from adopting and it could lead to church discipline. They also discourage IVF treatments for couples who are having difficulty getting pregnant especially if it involves donated eggs or sperm.

I know a single female 2nd grade teacher and she adopted 2 children. Her dad was even a bishop in the ward. She moved back with her parents (her mom was a stay at home mom and her dad close to retirement)so that they could help her watch her children while she was at school teaching. The teacher had bad experience dating and she was makig it clear that she is not looking for a man. That was about 9 years ago she is still a single mom and yes she has a temple recommened.

>> ..."the church does not allow a single woman to adopt a child, and that she would be open to church discipline."

That statement says it all. The church does not ALLOW!

Jumping Cats! Grown adults who pay their own way in life and pay the churches way with tithing. The action is perfectly legal, wonderfully compassionate, selfless serving....but....the church doesn't allow it.

Why oh why would anyone ALLOW a church to specify what you are allowed or not allowed to do.

Roy G Biv Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> >> ..."the church does not allow a single woman to
> adopt a child, and that she would be open to
> church discipline."
>
> That statement says it all. The church does not
> ALLOW!
>
> Jumping Cats! Grown adults who pay their own way
> in life and pay the churches way with tithing.
> The action is perfectly legal, wonderfully
> compassionate, selfless serving....but....the
> church doesn't allow it.
>
> Why oh why would anyone ALLOW a church to specify
> what you are allowed or not allowed to do.

Exactly!!!! The mormon church's attitude about adoption

only shines a light on how backward, dirty mainded ,

small and ughly the Mormon church is. It really makes

me sick.

Single parent families - and I grew up in one myself for a while - face greater challenges, that's why.

With two participating parents, the workload can/should be halved. Also there is less risk of the child being orphaned - as I was.

Children in single parent families are statistically much more likely to get into trouble in later life. Crime, mental health trouble etc.

without the penishood, childrearing is impossible. It is much better to let a child age out in a orphanage instead. That' s what Mormons think.

it makes it look like the woman had sex out of marriage.

You have to be independently wealthy do it, you could not work,If you want to be their for the child

I have found that all the people I’ve ever known are living the lives they want even if their life is filled with lamentations about their disappointing lives.

They are wrong. My sister-in-law adopted two children when she was in her 40s and single. She lives in Utah (in a small town even) and there was absolutely no problem with the church at all. Her ward was very supportive and she never faced any discipline nor even got a talking to from her bishop. If they say your daughter is not allowed to adopt, they are misinformed.

As far I as know, Mormon rules are: no impregnated single ladies.

So if your daugther wanted to have BIOLOGICAL children as a single woman (even through artificial insemination), she would get in trouble. ("Apearance of evil"...)

But as far as adoption is concerned, it is OKAY in Mormondumb.(Even if a few eyebrows might be raised.)

I have a active LDS female friend in her late 40's who adopted two girls, and she remains a Mormon in good standing. She takes the girls to Church etc etc.

P.S.

In the 90's, another friend in her late 40's wanted to have biological children through artificil insemination. She consulted the bishop, who in turn checked the Church manual of instructions. It stated clearly that no, no way.

She was really upset. "Single women have no rights in this Church", was one of her rants.

Unfortunately, she remained active in the cult. And she ended up never having any children.

Do a little research before you jump into adoption. Some suggestions:

Adoptee stories in podcast
http://www.whoamireallypodcast.com/

Adoptee stories in short story format
https://dearadoption.com/