Posted by:
sunbeep
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Date: March 11, 2020 08:45PM
Rusty’s Revelation
The Fossils all shuffled into the big room and took a seat around the huge oval table. Benry Bryer was there, Skeeter, Hollerman, Fallard, all of the big guys were in attendance this morning. Raspy, the assigned Leader this month, called the Brethren to order with three distinct taps of the soft rubber mallet on the table leg.
“It is with mild trepidation that I bring this to our attention” Raspy said. He like to use big words to see if Fallard would raise his eyebrows in befuddlement. “There is a virus coming, and coming fast Brethren. We don’t want to catch it, now do we?” All heads swiveled back and forth. “What shall we do then?”
Skeeter explained that in his Country nobody got sick because they all ate Strous Dumblinky Puddink which is delicious to the taste and very desirable. Hollerman looked at Doaks and shrugged his shoulders. Raspy waited for a moment as he gazed towards the ceiling and hoped someone would say something intelligent for a change.
Book said in a quiet voice, “Uh, maybe we could hide in the Granite Vault?” Skeeter snarled, “no, zat vould be vedickalous. Zer is no Dumblinky Puddink Zer.” After several minutes of awkward silence Raspy took a drink of Maylox juice and mutter to himself something about maybe we should all just stay home.
Several eyes lit up, surprised looks were traded back and forth, and it appeared that the answer to this approaching virus dilemma had just been revelated to them in a still small voice. Skeeter smiled broadly and said, “yaw”. Bryer started crying. Raspy asked if this was indeed a message from the Great Creator.
Doaks suggested that they should all stay home and watch Conference from the comforts of their own living room parlors. Hollerman objected to this patty-cake of an idea and suggested that all of the lowly members stay home instead. “Look here boys,” he said in a loud booming voice, “we have to be there, we just have to.” When Fallard implored of him, he explained that it was country fried chicken for lunch, under the big podium, after the first session, and it was his favorite.
Much discussion ensued, ecclesiastical smiles were exchanged, and it was determined that they would side-step the virus thing by telling the mormon masses to simply stay home this coming April. Yes, the lowly membership would be un-invited to Conference. This Conference would be different for sure. Of course the choir would still be there, the Big Dogs needed some soothing music to help them sleep.
Rusty clapped his hands with glee as he giggled like a grade-school girl on parade. He could barely remain seated in his red velvet chair. Doaks watched Rusty with bemusement and wondered if Rusty might burst. “I did it, I did it” was about all he could say as his eyes twinkled in delight. “I revelated that this Conference would be different, and by God I was right.”
Doaks smirked to Bryer, “it doesn’t take much, does it?”. Bryer started crying. Raspy asked if this was the new and everlasting covenant from now on. Fallard could feel the stool softener starting to work so he quickly voted in the affirmative and hoped & brayed that this meeting would soon be over. “Do I hear any opposing votes?” The room was silent, Raspy dropped the gavel, and that is how it came to pass that there would be no conference in April.