Every been in the middle of the chaos? You have this crazy partner going at your self-esteem every second. Pointing fingers and demanding "answers", but never satisfied and constantly blaming you for everything imaginable. Things you do and do not.

You got co-signed contracts and you can not leave. Marriage and the church and community looking at you every second.

It is harmful.

"This is not punishment! I LOVE YOU!!!"

"I AM NOT THE PUNISHER YOU ARE!!!"

It is a miracle that people survive.

Sounds like abuse and gaslighting to me.
Do you have an escape plan, even if it is, out of necessity, a long term plan?

Hi Third of Five

Unfortunately my escape plan fell apart when the economy crashed about a month ago. A public worker and a doctor were involved in it and when the economic resources dried up and they had to close the service to stop the spreading of the virus the whole process stopped instantly.

The plan was to create a place where I could stay outside parts of the family network and get a place to go to and work (Vocational rehabilitation).

It was supposed to start now in april.

But there is one positive thing creating some kind of peace! I live in isolation with elderly parents and the abuser can not reach me at the moment.

So things are a bit easier.

Okay well you’re not under the same roof so that’s good. And you still have your plan, it will just take longer. Just make sure he/they/whoever is involved cannot reach you via phone or email. I closed my old email account when I left the church, and when I later went though an abusive relationship I changed my phone number. If of these people come to your house, you can call the police because they are breaking lockdown rules.

Look up the psychological description of narcissism and gaslighting and see if it reflects your situation. Yes I’ve been through it and it’s miserable. So sorry you’re going through that! RMM

I had to create an escape of some kind. I am in a safe place but there is still a person that knows where i live so i am moving again secretly in about a week to a different and also safe location. I will say it does feel weird to not be the 'crazy whipping boy' trapped in a family anymore but i have high hopes especially after this next move. It takes a while for the mind to heal even after escape though but it will heal. Just being in a new location separate from all their garbage does wonders. I've healed faster since i made a farther move away from it all.

Yes, S, you have changed your perspective. Instead of focusing on the fact that you are "unable to leave," focus on the fact that you abuser cannot get to you! When I first read your title, I was afraid you were trapped WITH the abuser. I hope you have the support of a good attorney, and a restraining order. Get all the help you can. Protect yourself. Take it seriously.

My violent temple ex-husband almost killed me. Luck rescued me, because the US Government drafted him away into the military, and he could not go AWOL to get at me. By the time he was out of basic training, he had latched onto his next victim. He met her at the Mormon singles ward, near the boot camp, and told her a sad story, as psychopaths do so well. Her family were much wealthier than mine. They were married in the temple the day our divorce was final, and, like our marriage, theirs ended about a year later, and he moved on to a third temple marriage, and continued on to abuse his children....

There is every hope that if your abuser is separated from you long enough, he/she will find another victim to take your place. Narcissists need their immediate "supply", and it doesn't matter much who gives it to them. (But it matters to the victims!)

Congratulations on breaking free! Good luck to you. We're here for you.