Transitional anxiety or something. This happened the last time i had to move. I think thats why i am posting a lot. Anyone else have this kind of thing?
It rips my heart out. I've been in this house for almost 34 years now. My sisters move ALL THE TIME. My brothers and I stay in one place, as did my parents. I don't think I can ever move again.
Where are you moving? New roommates or not? This is a hard time to have change. Why are you moving is a good question.
My room mate got laid off because of covid, a bigger troublemaker than me these days haha jk. But he can no longer afford the rent and i can not afford the rent without him so i have to move. I don't really have a choice. I am moving into a better house and better room mates in my opinion. I have known one of them for five years so i know he is solid. He is a cancer like myself so we get each other. Although rare it is possible for a cancer to make and keep a few solid friends. I know everyone is shocked that a few people on the planet actually like me and can stand me these days haha. Anyways, this will be a step up for me for sure. He is going to teach me how to grow crops like tomatoes and other things. So if there is a food shortage we will be ok you know. We are going to survive this thing. If there is one thing i learned about the Y2k panic and then the 9/11 panic is that the earth will keep on turning reguardless of what happens to society. So i want to keep on on improving with the earth still turning i guess. Jesus never came at the year 2000 like they made me believe. The world didn't stop when trauma happened to me either. So got to keep climbing. Further and more independent of bad and harmful things you know. People like us i think like familiarity around us and when we have to uproot we don't like it and it is uncomfortable but being uncomfortable is necessary for me now i have to keep pushing myself or i will hide from the world forever. I want a wife and kids in the end like other people got to have. I never got to live a real life in my opinion. My life started out in an indoctrination prison that was very confusing on how to escape. But i am older and a little bit wiser. They won't have the last laugh on me. I don't care how much money they have or how many hanky's they have. They won't get the last laugh. I will create an awesome and fulfilling life and i will be loved for real and i will love someone for real. It will happen. Why? Because i felt i was betrayed by all as a teenager. If there is a god then he let me down and betrayed me completely in my opinion. Anyways, i'll have an awesome life eventually. Everyday i get less scared of life and the public. I can do this. Not everyone is a crazy and angry cultist that wants to attack me. I'm learning this. Anyways, wish me luck i guess at my new home. Sometimes you have to make a jump into the dark and unknown to improve yourself.
And my brother. I am a cancer. I have a few solid friends, whom I have had for over 35 years. I met both at work in my 20s. I have a lot of acquaintances. I don't trust people much. I was screwed by the religion, too, as you well know. I gave up the guy I wanted to marry (well, a few of them) because of the church and then I gave up one because of the guy I married. I was dating my roommate's brother and he is a great guy, but I had to save my "husband." My "husband" finally decided to get married when he saw he was losing me.
But the first guy who asked me to marry him has been in my life for 15 years now. Mormons expected it to end long ago. I live with my "husband" as you know, and my son, and my boyfriend lives a few miles away. I've tried living with him a few times now. We're too old. He is especially set in his ways. I tend to cater to everyone to make them comfortable. I've had to force myself not to put up with it. I refuse to disappear again for a man. It works this way. My therapist said if it works, why change it???? My therapist is in his second marriage and they wrote up a 14 page list of rules for their relationship given they both have kids, etc. He is happier than I've ever seen him and they've been married 5 years.
It sounds like a good move. I moved a lot as a single. It is too difficult to live alone and too expensive.
Oh, I do have my mormon men friends from my job years ago who are still in my life and treat me like a queen, were devastated by what happened to me and my parents were, too. They were furious and supported me in my choice to leave the church, as did my favorite aunt, who died 10 years ago this month.
You'll make it. AND some woman will find you. I know they will. Just BE AWARE of those who like you. That is the biggest thing. My son deals with that. He asks me my opinion on what the girl might mean in what she is doing. Just be aware.
Growing a garden. Oh my! We have horrible soil where I live. My "husband" has decided to grow a garden this year and he is a horticulturalist, so he'll make it grow. I have tried a few times and I'm a farmer's daughter. I swore I'd never grow a garden.
AND Y2K. I was in the midst of the worst years of my life. My kids were staying at a friends' house for New Year's Eve and my dog and I were sitting on the sofa waiting for the new year. I wanted it to end like they told me, too, but I knew it wouldn't no matter how bad I wanted it. I NEEDED it to end. I still have the what is it 40 gallon barrel my husband put in the laundry room sitting in there. It is a pain to move around. He was afraid of Y2K. 9/11 I was watching the news when they switched over. Still living in hell.
In 2005, my boyfriend came back into my life. Life isn't perfect, but it is hands down much better than it was.
No one wanted it to all end more than me during new years eve of Y2k believe you me. I wanted jesus to cause the destruction that my parents deserved. But as it stands i see them in a cult prison that they will never get out of until they die. They got a life prison sentence in a sense. The cult keeps them busy and at bay from me so it does have its uses.
I am starting to see that i don't have to give up who i really am for a woman either. I am starting to like myself a little bit and that is a rare thing. That religion beat the adam right out of me in every way and i could not figure out to get him back for the life of me. I knew that monster of a religion had something to do with my agony and disappearance. Everyone around me thought the religion was right and awesome but i did not think it was very awesome from day one almost. I remember when i was first reading the BoM i found its obvious plagiarisms and i also thought it was a fantasy story. But i soon realized that everyone around me actually thought this book was real and legit. I think i was smarter than the adults or something but public school made way more sense all around then that religion. As you know as you get older in the religion the worse it gets. It really is a bad nightmare that you have no clue how to get out of. Many invisible guns are pointed to your head to go on a mission. If you don't you will be seen as the biggest screw up waste of body and flesh on the planet and will be treated as such. Believe me i know EXACTLY what happens to a young male that does not go on a mission. People always talk about how horrible going on the mission was, BULLSHIT, i would have done just about anything to go back and pretend the religion was true for two years and go to another state or country then be treated the way i did and no female dating me in that operation for the foreseeable future. I was treated less then a person, i felt like the elephant man. No one really knows what i actually went through all those years from age 19-29. No one has a clue. Yes i was assaulted in my younger teens and it still holds strong memories. But the way i was treated like some leper for not going on a mission was absolutely horrible. I always said the easiest choice i ever made in life was to take myself out. By age 29 i had had enough of EVERYTHING physical, mental, emotional, all religiousity submission in my head, and definitely had enough of jesus christ or god or whatever you wanted to call him. You name it i had had enough. But instead of dying now i just improve my position to a less hostile environment and i heal, crazy how you heal when you are not around insane people(doing same rituals over and over and expecting a different result) that step on you constantly in every way not caring or even asking what I actually believe, think or feel. Guys like me have their value especially now. People are scared now? I was scared for most of my life. This ain't nothing. I'd take a virus over being under the same roof as my father any day. I'd even take a virus over nerve pain hands down. Trying to treat nerve pain will be the death of me i swear. Just want my neck to feel normal for once in my life so i can actually enjoy life. You don't enjoy anything when you have nerve pain and i think you know that. Anyways, i need to stop being a people pleaser. This is my biggest challenge. People will and do take advantage of me if they see that i am some push over. I'm really not a push over like i portray though, i really can fight back now that i am bigger and sometimes i forget that i am not some scrawny kid anymore that adults did whatever they wanted to. I will defend myself these days. The real world is my arena. The cult fake world is theirs and their world is very small and getting smaller. I think cancers are alike i don't really come across too many but when i do i always get along with them and understand them. I still talk to a cancer that i knew from elementary days. We still think alike having never seen each other much in the last decade or so.
Moves are tough even if you are going some place that you know will be better, and is where you really, really want to be. It takes a while to settle in. But once you get familiar with your new routines, you will be okay.
One of the big parts of moving is getting it done and getting settled in so it is comfortable.
When I was single, I had to move quite a bit. Half the battle is getting the move DONE. I moved into this house after I was married. I wanted to sell it and leave, but the "husband" wouldn't let me and my kids wanted to stay. It was actually torture to be here for a while, but now I'm glad I kept this house somehow.
Also, waiting to the day you get to have the move done can be anxiety inducing. I hope your move is soon and you don't have to wait much longer.
Something tells me you won't be calling the local ward for a work crew!
Tips: Start boxing and packing early. It calls for focus and organization--no procrastination--but when the day comes, you'll be on top of things. You don't want helpers or movers standing around, waiting for instructions, while you're emptying cupboards and closets.
The day you move, the first thing to do is set up and make your bed. Then your bathroom toiletries and at least one drawer of basic underwear, socks, work shirts, jeans. This way, you can keep working until you're tired or bummed out or whatever. Then you're all set for a shower, a good night's sleep, and you'll have what you need to get started next morning.
I have moved most of my stuff myself to the new place. I have a few things that i will need more than one person to help me with. I actually found that newspaper you sent me a while back while i was going through my things. I think a have improved since then. The latest thing i have been trying is reprogramming my subconcious every night in a guided meditation. I believe all the brainwashing is still in my subconcious so i am reprogramming it to counter it. I do acknowledge that my subconcious is and has been causing me problems over the years. Its almost like it self-defeats itself automatically out of my control going in patterns that i can not stop you know.
Anyways, that kingdom of the cults book is pretty good and had a lot of info that i never knew about mormonism. Its one big book though and i only read the mormonism section so far. Anyways, thanks for the support throughout the years and the things you sent me to get me through a very hard period in my life.