For many, didn't leaving Mormonism feel like stepping off a moving train?
There is no meaning to life? We just are?
During this time of isolation wherein people should be introspecting and realizing how truly horrible they are, they have flipped into extrospection instead, and extrapolating for others the meaning of life as they try to show off their wonderfulness and depth and too many are quoting Keirkgaard and I am finding it annoying. Not a "people person," me.
In the movies, especially Westerns, people are often jumping off trains, rolling into the bushes, and coming out just fine. This Lock Down has been the equivalent of the leap from the locomotive in many regards, with extra emphasis on the "loco" of the motive.
The one bit I like very much regarding this extrospection regarding Kierkgaard is what one human said that Kierkgaard saw the painful, prosaic work of becoming human: "We must work out who we are, and how to live, right in the middle of life itself, with an open future ahead of us. Just as we cannot step off the train while it is moving, so we cannot step away from life to reflect on its meaning."
So the above is me committing the same crime of extrospection as I accuse others. What I find is there is more learning in doing than thinking. More brilliance in the fingertips than the brain. Love is not found in the words at the end of a phone-call.
Existentialism. Such a self important word. Three reasons we exist:
You parents were horny and careless. You parents were horny and wanted a child. Your parent(s) wasn't horny but wanted a child.
The three reasons we refuse to accept that truth in all it's simplicity:
We want to feel special. We want to believe we are important. We want to believe we matter.
The three reasons we are wrong:
We will be forgotten sooner than we think. Our accomplishments will be outdone soon enough. What we leave behind is only for those left behind.
Now going to look up what "prosaic" means because I forgot. Wish I had LW's vocabulary stuck in my head. How DOES one do that?
What's wrong with jumping off moving trains? My high school buddies and I did that a lot. Hopping on freight trains in Clear Lake and riding them to Galveston and back. Never had a mishap.A lot more fun than church.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/30/2020 02:45PM by stillanon.
I love that you did that. Outlaws! Still an outlaw? I claim to be one. Not in the literal sense, but in the "I will go my own way thank you very much" sense.
Yep. My favorite 8 track was the OUtlaws. Waylong Jennings, Willie Nelson, Jessi Colter, and Tompaul Glaser. Was a Hell raiser at Gilley's back in the day. Slowed down a bit, but still in my blood!
I used to do that with my friends around Puget Sound in WA. One time as kid I was at a church camp thingy in Eastern WA. Me and two friends walked off, jumped a train to some podunk town, hung out, shoplifted food for dinner, watched Billy Jack in a theater, then hitchhiked back to mormonville. FUn day.
Cool. The good part, going from Clear Lake to Galveston was that there's only one way to get out there and back. No chance of ending up somewhere else. Our parents never knew. They would've killed us if they found out. I always wanted to jump into the Bay going over the trestle, but there was no way to get back up. Lucky I had just enough sense not to try.
on March 22, 1983 when my boyfriend told me he is gay. This, for me, hasn't been anything like that, but then I'm in an area that hasn't been affected very much. But then I've lost my parents, lost dogs who I loved more than life itself, had twins which is rather shocking to the mind of someone like me, but there has never been anything like that day and never will be.
"We must work out who we are, and how to live, right in the middle of life itself, with an open future ahead of us. Just as we cannot step off the train while it is moving, so we cannot step away from life to reflect on its meaning."
This couldn't be more true than that day. It took me YEARS, but then again, I don't think I will ever get over it. I'll take it with me to my grave.
Yep..it was like a bomb being dropped on me. I, too, will carry that feeling with me to my grave. My DH was a biochemist. How I wish he was still on this earth so I could get his perspective on this pandemic. He spent years doing this kind of medical research.
sorry I've forgotten, but are you the other train buff here?
cl2: Don't a lot of us take time to reflect on 'who we are, what is the meaning?' ?
I think those who meditate do.
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In my Ry years, it was still OK to alight from moving equipment, as in running ahead to the switch to put the train into a siding, etc.
I could ride a moving car or cut of cars to make a 'drop' work, others.
I feel very lucky to be alive & uninjured because training back then (60's) when I first started was scant, un-monitored & hap-hazard. Today either Ry or regulations prohibit workers from getting on or off moving equipment, prolly saved many injuries & deaths of crew members.
Not a buff actually but always loved trains. My grandfather was the Freight agent for a major railway hub between Ogden and Denver and ran most of the stuff during the war and the building that big dam. I did an oil of an old steam engine that hung in his terminal for a long time. Don't know what happened to it.
Have a brother and uncle who are both engineers. Lots of our family life had to do with railroading.
Grandpa was Mormon but I found out after he died from an aunt that he never believed it. He was a wonderful human being.
I used to walk around wondering if life would ever feel normal again. I wanted to die, but couldn't because of church teachings or because I wanted to cease to exist because of church teachings. Death wasn't good enough. I had lost hope and every time I went to a leader (I was told not to tell anyone), I just lost more and more hope. I didn't want to "save him" so I could marry him. I wanted to know he would be okay. It isn't like I was in love with him even as I wasn't. I thought surely there was an answer to this question.
I have carried around a death wish since that day.
I remember one time being in Price Club or something like that, before Costco and Sam's Club, and I saw that cement floor and it looked so nice and cool and welcoming, and all I wanted to do was lie down on that floor and put my cheek against it. This was after he had left me with 2 kids to raise.
I don't know how I made it here, but I did. Only because I'm either a chicken or I had to stay for my kids. I couldn't leave them having a mother who committed suicide.
And my daughter was just furloughed in Alaska from Princess Cruises and asked if she can come here to stay off a plane. I would always and forever say YES. My little girl. One of my reasons for living.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/30/2020 05:29PM by cl2.
It was horrific, cl2. 'Sorry' isn't only sometimes the hardest word to say (from the song) but all too often isn't nearly enough. The church men you had to deal with were completely clueless and did harm.
About grace: Well, that was then and this is now. :)
Who knows how many people you help and inspire as you tell your story. There can be healing in that, for you and for readers who need to hear tales from the underside of a harmful organization, not to mention many who have gone through similar experiences themselves. I'm sure it can be hard to talk about or to remember.
At times I am embarrassed or just plain too tired to even type things out - the more deeply they affected me the harder it is to disclose the feelings. I don't think my Mormon interlude was so damaging that it could wreck me forever but my bug to bear about it is perhaps how ashamed I feel at times for being such a dupe. The longer I'm out the harder it is to explain why I even went back for the 2nd discussion, never mind ending up in a Mormon font. I do find it hard to say no to friends. That is one explanation for my foray through the WatchTower Society (JW), fundamentalist Mennonite Brethren, more mainstream Mennonite Brethren (but still with fundy leanings), and not to forget the charismatic Catholic nuns in a trailer (fortunately, the latter was strictly a one-night-and-I'm-done proposition) as well as various other less intense more moderate and mainstream churches. Looking for what I still don't know. The key to unlock the mysteries of the universe I guess. But most often I went along to various places or events with friends. That was always my downfall - can't say no - but, yes, my fault for taking it to a ridiculous extreme.
cl2 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > And my daughter was just furloughed in Alaska from > Princess Cruises and asked if she can come here to > stay off a plane. I would always and forever say > YES. My little girl. One of my reasons for > living.
I'm glad you will get to see your daughter again, cl2 and that she will be with you for a while.
Here in Canada it is mandatory to self-isolate for 14 days after travelling on a plane. I'm going to guess that is not the case in the US. But, in an abundance of caution for you all, maybe you and your daughter can find a way for her to isolate or at least seriously distance herself for a while to ensure she is healthy (I hope, and expect so).
Enjoy her visit!
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/30/2020 06:06PM by Nightingale.
We were all duped. You are probably a people pleaser like I am, which is why you found yourself becoming a mormon. I usually do fine with my past, but there are days that it bothers me. It has been a CRAZY life. Recently, I've been stopped in my tracks a few times, thinking, "What the hell happened?"
My dad kept asking me if I knew before I married him that he is gay. He kept saying, "You're too intelligent to do that." When I told him some of what happened, then he understood. I didn't tell him for years that I knew when I married him. My dad said, "But they are born that way." My dad!!! They told me not to talk to anyone, though I did talk to 2 people, who also supported me marrying him. Definitely NOT to talk to my parents. I just wanted him to be able to go find someone and that he wasn't damned.
I just pretty must lost it for 18 months before we got married and then when I found out he was cheating and was thinking about a divorce. Well, he hasn't divorced me either. I'm his support system. Mommy.
Well, my daughter and SIL don't have anywhere to stay except here. They might drive home. We don't know yet. They have a place to live, but it is a VERY ELDERLY couple who own the place and she doesn't want to put them in a bad situation. They want them to come back and live in their apartment attached to their house. They haven't rented it out in hopes they'd come back to stay. I love the idea of seeing my daughter, BUT I didn't want it to be this way. She will still have the job starting in the fall as far as they have been told.
Hahah ha. Don't why I laughed at that for sure. Dave jumping off a train!
And thanks for the explanation on Ry. You can't believe what comes up on google like Japanese words and stuff for Ry and then finishes with "Are you sure don't mean Rye? As in Whiskey or Bread?" And none of them said Railway.
railway is more common in England / G.B., Railroad is more common here in 'the colonies'.
The Northen Pacific shares show 'Railroad', the Great Northern shares read Railway. GN equipment & pprwork always mentioned 'railway', most NP equipment & pprwork was devoid of either term.
the jointly owned Spokane Portland & Seatle used "railway". the Empire Builder used equipment labeled on 3 railways, the GN, the SP&S, and the CB&Q, painted the GN colors, Omaha Orange & a very dark Forest Green (which was commonly mistaken for black).
BNSF uses the word 'railway'...
Functionally, they're identical.
Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/30/2020 10:10PM by GNPE.
Once we were on a train that caught fire--the Shasta Sunset Dinner Train--nice ride through Northern California mountains and ... dinner.
We felt the train lurch a few times and then our car's lights went out. We saw men running with fire extinguishers. Lots of smoke.
I told my family that we need to "get off this thing." We walked quickly out (left our dinner) to an open car with a railing around it. We were fully prepared to jump off. Thankfully, at that point, the train stopped. We could see that the kitchen car had caught fire. We stood on the open car for a long time after the fire was out and the train was moving again.
What surprised me is that so many people saw no emergency. They never got up from their dinner.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/01/2020 03:32AM by kathleen.
They probably had just been served German Chocolate Cake or Carrot Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting or still trying to choose between the two. What fire?