It is a covert pattern. They all poke and prod, looking for a way in to hidden mental wounds/scars. They push buttons like crazy to undo what has been achieved, you may ask undo what?

Well, undo the "illusion" that some people in our family seem live in from time to time.

What "illusion"?

Happiness and contentment! Yes, happiness and contentment is an illusion around here. It is nothing for this life. It can not happen!

It is a fact that if you dig deep enough or provoke long enough you will soon find unworthiness, guilt, shame and very primal fear in the most civilized, calm and happy person. Yes, if you get someone unhappy, angry depressed you "prove" lots of things.

For example: That the person was not the real deal. It was just an "illusion".

I have a sister who has the predilection of - upon finding a point of particular emotional vulnerability - sticking a knife into that point and twisting the blade. She can be quite cruel.

She is also the only one of our family who has retained membership and full activity in LDS Corp (TBM).

I don't know if these two factors are necessarily related, but it makes for an interesting combination.

There's a reason this behavior is called "self-righteous". "Holier than thou" fits too.

I think that people who do that are secretly miserable human beings. They are toxic people to be around. You either have to be strong enough to stand up to them, or give them a lot of distance. It's a sad way to live a life.

My father and mother set the tone for contention and resource competition among their offspring. They were Mormon and incompetent at parenting. Don't be Mormon.

My pet peeve are total strangers who make a beeline to me enjoying being outdoors and telling me, "Oh, I feel so sorry for you...." My first reaction is usually waking up out of my reverie and muttering, "Huh?" in a confused state to a complete helpful goodie goodie standing next to me. I tell them to go away and shut up (pests), but they tend to persist carrying on the conversation telling me how badly I must feel and try to pitch me "advice" how to be more happy. They often try to segue into pushing free advice or having some kind of agenda that will take care of the problems (I don't have).

This is what my father does any time i cross paths with him. He wants to know everything i am up to and prods every single time. He does not like not knowing what i am doing with my life or not having some control over me. He is not a happy man. He would absolutely hate it if i become happier than he is. Its never happened in my lifetime because he always made sure i was beneath him and his secret sacred and 'happiness creating' religion. Always made sure i knew that i was below him and his precious religion. Mark my words i WILL be happier than he has ever been in his whole life because i have figured him out along with his 'religion'.

Thought about the subject yesterday and I am quite certain that I had the same attitude back in the days. It is something I have repressed. Why? Because it has something to do with low empathy and cluelessness. Things I am not proud of. But my family seems to think it is the greatest social virtue. Awful days and terrible social skills.

Posters. Thank you for replying to my post. Your feedback give me data to think about my own life. Moving on and getting stronger.