Which is mostly a message for myself, but it could be useful in the general confusion of post Mormon recovery.

What does happiness mean? Getting so thoroughly screwed by Mormonism didn’t make me happy. But I got over it, and how do I know what being screwed really is? I have been given more than I had ever imagined and yet...

Freddie said it so well:
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on

I said you can only be shattered once, but I was wrong. I used to see it as a bad thing, but why shouldn’t my illusions be shattered over and over? I wanted to know. By the grace of God my Mormon world imploded. I should be grateful for the deluded fools running the church. Imagine how much harder leaving would be if they weren’t completely incompetent.

Life is a miracle. But it’s not just that. It’s the most precious gift ever. I keep trying to talk myself into something I already know. Trying to be the good Phil Connors in Groundhog Day, but life always has something up its sleeve.

Should I be happy? I think so. Any fool can be unhappy, or happy come to think of it. You don’t need rules or tricks. Grace just comes to where there’s a place for it. If you build it, grace will come. If you pollute it, grace will leave. Maybe happiness is my gas gauge. You can’t be happy all the time, but you can always stop for gas.

Thank you for your wonderful words, babyloncansuckit.

Oh, the joy of being free from the brainwashing, oppression, and abuse. My Mormon experiences were the worst--but even if they had been the very best possible, I still would have been relieved to learn it was all a hoax, and that life and love are ours to fill up on, and to give to others.

darkness also means secrecy as in the darkness of the mind/absence of knowledge of Facts.

Mormonism is a cabal centered around elitism and the secrecy that supports it.

Mormonism doesn't want the darkness extinguished.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/21/2019 01:56AM by GNPE.

Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/21/2019 06:12PM by cl2.

Don't stop for happiness!
It might not want a ride.

You have to buy gas.
Happiness is free!

That doesn't mean it's easy.
Love is what you make it.

I make it from scratch.

I'm here to bring insufficient light.

And gas.

Yes mormondom sucks, Some fit well and can make it work, but many (like me) had to find fresh air outside. The world is full of darkness And cojcolds has it's share.

I found Wallace Stevens particularly healing. For example:


Final Soliloquy of the Interior Paramour

Light the first light of evening, as in a room
In which we rest and, for small reason, think
The world imagined is the ultimate good.

This is, therefore, the intensest rendezvous.
It is in that thought that we collect ourselves,
Out of all the indifferences, into one thing:

Within a single thing, a single shawl
Wrapped tightly round us, since we are poor, a warmth,
A light, a power, the miraculous influence.

Here, now, we forget each other and ourselves.
We feel the obscurity of an order, a whole,
A knowledge, that which arranged the rendezvous.

Within its vital boundary, in the mind.
We say God and the imagination are one...
How high that highest candle lights the dark.

Out of this same light, out of the central mind,
We make a dwelling in the evening air,
In which being there together is enough.

—Wallace Stevens—


Wallace Stevens helped me distinguish between the put-upon-me holy ghost and my “Interior Paramour.” Not exactly happiness making, but sanity making nonetheless.

Human

**Anyone interested in what “American Religious Poetry” can mean, could begin well with Marilynne Robinson’s review of Harold Bloom’s collection for the Library Of America:

That Highest Candle
A review of Harold Bloom’s American Religious Poems.

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/articles/68859/that-highest-candle

babyloncansuckit Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> What does happiness mean?

I think this guy captured it perfectly.

"I’m really rich

I’m very proud of my new crystal collection
I have a Gucci store that’s worth more than Romney
I order thousands of televisions a year
Six people do nothing but sort my mail
Sorry haters and losers!
He who has the gold makes the rules"
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the-beautiful-poetry-of-donald-trump

The Beautiful Poetry of Donald Trump
Editorial manager's notes
It is a little known elective actuality that the 45th President, Donald J. Trump, has for some time been an exceptional writer. This book plans to change this oversight with respect to the artistic world, and feature his best and most uncovering words in a formerly inconspicuous structure. In the case of talking on legislative issues, dividers, sexual orientation issues or his own magnificent qualities, Trump's sonnets are nothing if not excellent. Marvelous, truth be told. Astonishing. What's more, they uncover a touchy and modestly creative side to Trump that may incite a reappraisal of the man even among his faultfinders. One of the numerous charges leveled at Donald Trump by those in the phony news media is that his utilization of English is lethargically redundant, maybe showing a dunderheaded and bland scholar. However, consider works like 'My two most loved words' (p. 117). Monotonous truly, yet to think, entrancing impact. Furthermore, take a gander at the words that he frequently returns to: 'love' multiple times in 'Everyone cherishes me' (p. 45); 'excellent' multiple times in 'A wonderful, straightforward life' (p. 3). This isn't crafted by a tedious man, however, a person of good taste for whom love and excellence are wells of feeling to come back to and draw from. There is an answer here too to the charge that Trump's meandering aimlessly open talking style confirms a cluttered mind. 'Gradually the hair dries', 'I am liberal', 'Prepare for some energy' and 'Phony news, people's (pp. 53, 55, 95 and 61) show.

https://www.rightshayari.com/2020/05/the-beautiful-poetry-of-donald-trump.html