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Posted by: cheezus ( )
Date: June 15, 2020 09:29AM

So the Mrs was trying to wax spiritual last night talking with the fevered pitch of a JW last night. She mentioned that some prophets would be killed in Jerusalem and then rise on the third day. I said I think we are good and that is a long way off since any of the apostles are not doing all that much these days besides cashing checks. She told me I was out of line, and that they to-be-martyrs will be preaching in Jerusalem for 3.5 years before they are killed. Again, I said I think we still have time to not really worry about this for now. I then said, unless you think someone would kill them in SLC then dump the bodies in Jerusalem. Cause, that's what I would do if I was Satan. You have to think out of the box on some of this. I would not be surprised if Satan kills these apostles/Prophets with hookers and blow scattered all about to try to discredit their message. If Satan has not thought about the hookers and cocaine framing of the Lard's anointed, shame on him. He truly must be in on it.

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Posted by: 2 early 2 log in ( )
Date: June 15, 2020 10:09AM

Nelson was in Jerusalem a year or two ago, and was hustled out at the first sign of trouble. So he had his chance and blew it.

Ask her when the Lamanites will blossom as the rose. (Lamanites, who dat?) Or the 10 tribes coming back bringing their scriptures. That has to happen, along with the temple in Jackson County and a mormon one in Jerusalem. Good luck with that.

Come to think of it, the Jackson County temple is achievable. They don't presently own the land, but with a sweet enough pot they could probably buy it. $100 billion sounds about right.

Or point her to Packer's 2011 talk when he said it won't happen for another two generations. Call her out on her apostasy and then call her to repentance.

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: June 16, 2020 10:39AM

It was pointed out to me that the Lamanites DID blossom as a rose, cuz, uh . . . Casinos! I guess for apologists any port in a storm.

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Posted by: Roy G Biv ( )
Date: June 15, 2020 11:06AM

>> "She mentioned that some prophets would be killed in Jerusalem and then rise on the third day."

This is the kind of stuff that bugged me as a kid born to mormon converts parents. At 7 years old I was thinking "how can grown ups even believe this stuff? How can they not see that this just DOES NOT HAPPEN in real life?"

Never understood that mentality....believing in things you know ain't so.

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Posted by: Heartless ( )
Date: June 15, 2020 04:30PM

The prophets preaching then lying in the street for three days before being raised up is actually biblical. Mormons assume this will be two apostles.

Some branches of mormonism preach Joseph has risen from the dead.

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Posted by: Shinehah ( )
Date: June 15, 2020 11:08AM

The impending Apocalypse used to really scare me when I was a kid. And my mother said it used to really scare her when she was a kid. And her mother said it used to really scare her when she was a kid. And.....

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Posted by: Ted ( )
Date: June 15, 2020 11:21AM

Well played. I would agree with you about the hooker angle if not for the median age for those old farts is 90, so probably a hooker would not be a big deal for them.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: June 15, 2020 11:27AM

It would be an act of God.

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Posted by: Anziano Young ( )
Date: June 15, 2020 11:44AM

Sent: underling1@outer-darkness.org
To: mephisto@outer-darkness.org
Subject: For Satan's consideration

Hi bossman,

Just picked this up on the exmormon forum. Not sure if Satan's thought of it already.

U1

quote: "I then said, unless you think someone would kill them in SLC then dump the bodies in Jerusalem. Cause, that's what I would do if I was Satan. You have to think out of the box on some of this. I would not be surprised if Satan kills these apostles/Prophets with hookers and blow scattered all about to try to discredit their message. If Satan has not thought about the hookers and cocaine framing of the Lard's anointed, shame on him. He truly must be in on it."

**********
Sent: mephisto@outer-darkness.org
To: beelzebub@outer-darkness.org
Subject: FW: For Satan's consideration

I haven't heard of this being discussed at corporate?

Forwarded Message
----------
Hi bossman,

Just picked this up on the exmormon forum. Not sure if Satan's thought of it already.

U1

quote: "I then said, unless you think someone would kill them in SLC then dump the bodies in Jerusalem. Cause, that's what I would do if I was Satan. You have to think out of the box on some of this. I would not be surprised if Satan kills these apostles/Prophets with hookers and blow scattered all about to try to discredit their message. If Satan has not thought about the hookers and cocaine framing of the Lard's anointed, shame on him. He truly must be in on it."

**********
Sent: beelzebub@outer-darkness.org
To: flylord@outer-darkness.org
Subject: FW: FW: For Satan's consideration

wut think u?

Forwarded Message
----------
I haven't heard of this being discussed at corporate?

Forwarded Message
----------
Hi bossman,

Just picked this up on the exmormon forum. Not sure if Satan's thought of it already.

U1

quote: "I then said, unless you think someone would kill them in SLC then dump the bodies in Jerusalem. Cause, that's what I would do if I was Satan. You have to think out of the box on some of this. I would not be surprised if Satan kills these apostles/Prophets with hookers and blow scattered all about to try to discredit their message. If Satan has not thought about the hookers and cocaine framing of the Lard's anointed, shame on him. He truly must be in on it."

**********
Sent: flylord@outer-darkness.org
To: satan@outer-darkness.org
Subject: FW: FW: FW: For Satan's consideration

Hail Lord of Darkness,

The minions might be on to something here. Maybe we could hasten the end of days a little?

Your Ever-Devoted Servant

Forwarded Message
----------
wut think u?

Forwarded Message
----------
I haven't heard of this being discussed at corporate?

Forwarded Message
----------
Hi bossman,

Just picked this up on the exmormon forum. Not sure if Satan's thought of it already.

U1

quote: "I then said, unless you think someone would kill them in SLC then dump the bodies in Jerusalem. Cause, that's what I would do if I was Satan. You have to think out of the box on some of this. I would not be surprised if Satan kills these apostles/Prophets with hookers and blow scattered all about to try to discredit their message. If Satan has not thought about the hookers and cocaine framing of the Lard's anointed, shame on him. He truly must be in on it."

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Posted by: Lot's Wife ( )
Date: June 15, 2020 01:45PM

Very nice, spawn of Brigham!

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Posted by: cheezus ( )
Date: June 15, 2020 01:46PM

BCC List:
JesusChrist.Jehovah.I-AM.Wonderful.Counselor.PrinceofPeace.EverlastingWhatEver@intellectualreserve.com; thespirits@intellectualreserve.com; eloheim@intellectualreserve.com

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Posted by: Anziano Young ( )
Date: June 16, 2020 10:25AM

Sent: JesusChrist.Jehovah.I-AM.Wonderful.Counselor.PrinceofPeace.EverlastingWhatEver@intellectualreserve.com
To: elohim@intellectualreserve.com
Subject: What the hell?!

I thought we agreed I would get <jchrist@intellectualreserve.com>. Fix this.

JC

**********
Sent: elohim@intellectualreserve.com
To: JesusChrist.Jehovah.I-AM.Wonderful.Counselor.PrinceofPeace.EverlastingWhatEver.ImAWhinyBichacha@intellectualreserve.com
Subject: Re: What the hell?!

That better?

Dad

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Posted by: cheezus ( )
Date: June 16, 2020 06:35PM

That's pretty good...

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Posted by: donbagley ( )
Date: June 15, 2020 12:58PM

Way back when the news channel, CNN, was first created, Mormons said that the reason for CNN's existence was to show the 3 dead guys come back to life in Jerusalem. The whole world could, conceivably watch it happen.

All my life these ridiculous assertions have been made by ridiculous believers. Some traditions just kind of hang on. "Prophecy" and superstition always find lodging in the minds of the ill-informed.

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Posted by: thedesertrat1 ( )
Date: June 15, 2020 01:28PM

I have also heard and read this.However I have lost the exact reference Can somebody please quote it for me?

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Posted by: cheezus ( )
Date: June 15, 2020 01:48PM

No telling exactly where this comes from. I remember listening to those cassettes in those weird binders called "Dramatized Church History". I remember that this was one cassette that tried to give an idea about how it might go down in the Holy Lands.

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Posted by: commongentile ( )
Date: June 15, 2020 03:52PM

Revelation 11 King James Version (KJV)
11 And there was given me a reed like unto a rod: and the angel stood, saying, Rise, and measure the temple of God, and the altar, and them that worship therein.

2 But the court which is without the temple leave out, and measure it not; for it is given unto the Gentiles: and the holy city shall they tread under foot forty and two months.

3 And I will give power unto my two witnesses, and they shall prophesy a thousand two hundred and threescore days, clothed in sackcloth.

4 These are the two olive trees, and the two candlesticks standing before the God of the earth.

5 And if any man will hurt them, fire proceedeth out of their mouth, and devoureth their enemies: and if any man will hurt them, he must in this manner be killed.

6 These have power to shut heaven, that it rain not in the days of their prophecy: and have power over waters to turn them to blood, and to smite the earth with all plagues, as often as they will.

7 And when they shall have finished their testimony, the beast that ascendeth out of the bottomless pit shall make war against them, and shall overcome them, and kill them.

8 And their dead bodies shall lie in the street of the great city, which spiritually is called Sodom and Egypt, where also our Lord was crucified.

9 And they of the people and kindreds and tongues and nations shall see their dead bodies three days and an half, and shall not suffer their dead bodies to be put in graves.

10 And they that dwell upon the earth shall rejoice over them, and make merry, and shall send gifts one to another; because these two prophets tormented them that dwelt on the earth.

11 And after three days and an half the spirit of life from God entered into them, and they stood upon their feet; and great fear fell upon them which saw them.

12 And they heard a great voice from heaven saying unto them, Come up hither. And they ascended up to heaven in a cloud; and their enemies beheld them.

13 And the same hour was there a great earthquake, and the tenth part of the city fell, and in the earthquake were slain of men seven thousand: and the remnant were affrighted, and gave glory to the God of heaven.

14 The second woe is past; and, behold, the third woe cometh quickly.

15 And the seventh angel sounded; and there were great voices in heaven, saying, The kingdoms of this world are become the kingdoms of our Lord, and of his Christ; and he shall reign for ever and ever.

16 And the four and twenty elders, which sat before God on their seats, fell upon their faces, and worshipped God,

17 Saying, We give thee thanks, O Lord God Almighty, which art, and wast, and art to come; because thou hast taken to thee thy great power, and hast reigned.

18 And the nations were angry, and thy wrath is come, and the time of the dead, that they should be judged, and that thou shouldest give reward unto thy servants the prophets, and to the saints, and them that fear thy name, small and great; and shouldest destroy them which destroy the earth.

19 And the temple of God was opened in heaven, and there was seen in his temple the ark of his testament: and there were lightnings, and voices, and thunderings, and an earthquake, and great hail.

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Posted by: Anziano Young ( )
Date: June 16, 2020 10:31AM

"clothed in sackcloth"

Well, that rules out the Mormons. Too bad God didn't get it right and say "clothed in white shirts and ties." Maybe this is one of those pesky "as far as it is translated correctly" errors?

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Posted by: Heartless ( )
Date: June 15, 2020 04:32PM

Ok. Next time it rains look cor the rainbow. Joseph said Christ won't come until the rainbow is taken from the earth.

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