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Posted by: xe ( )
Date: July 02, 2015 10:00PM

I'm still in the LDS church right now and I'm not in a position where I can leave, but every Sunday I go to Church and feel completely miserable afterwards. Some weeks I'm angry, irritated, and tired and other weeks I feel like I'm about to cry. I already struggle with mild depression, but Sundays are the worst. I'll be fine all week, then after going to Church, I feel suicidal and hopeless.

Did anyone else experience this?? Do you think it's my faith crisis that's bringing on all the negative emotions?

Thanks for your help.

Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/02/2015 11:58PM by xe.

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Posted by: Greyfort ( )
Date: July 02, 2015 10:09PM

One day I came home from church and my non-Mormon mother said, "Can I ask you a question?" I said, "Yeah."

She asked, "Why doesn't your religion make you happy?"

It really pulled me up short. I just sort of went, "What?"

She said, "Yeah. Every Sunday you come home from church and you just seem to be drained and miserable."

It was pretty startling. I turned into a mega-TBM after that, trying to live my religion as best as I could. Then I developed this over-the-top fake happy thing, which looking back now, was kind of creepy.

I just ended up burning myself out and reverted back to my usual self eventually.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/02/2015 11:03PM by Greyfort.

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Posted by: frankie ( )
Date: July 02, 2015 10:21PM

Every sunday I was miserable. I knew I was going to hell because I wasn't married and never wore the right underwear, I came to church and all it was every sunday was .....obey prophets, you'll get married in the afterlife, scouts, internet porn, tank tops are not modest.

nothing pertaining to me, a single never married female in my 30's

It was never god loves you for who you are.

mormonism makes everything so complicated

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Posted by: purplepansy ( )
Date: July 02, 2015 10:29PM

Yes. Yes, exactly. I would go to church and come home and cry all afternoon because I was never going to be "enough". I do not recall ever coming home and feeling like I was on the right path- always there was something else i should be doing or could do better.

When I had a minor breakdown, I resolved to take everything negative out of my life. I tried several times to put church back in and quickly took it out. Been so much happier now that I'm not judging myself and being judged on things that don't truly matter.

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Posted by: gemini ( )
Date: July 02, 2015 10:40PM

When I was a child in the 50's and early 60's, I liked Sundays. We would go to Sunday School in the morning and then go home and go out for a Sunday drive to visit relatives or sometimes go to a cafe to eat. It was nice family time. We still had time to take an afternoon nap or play a game or such and then we went back to Sacrament meeting in the evening.

When I grew up and got married, got church callings and had little children, it became such a drudgery. The 3 hour block was awful and church services became something to dread and just a wish to be over. I grew to HATE Sundays.

Now I have my Sundays back and I love it.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/02/2015 10:41PM by gemini.

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Posted by: wine country girl ( )
Date: July 02, 2015 10:41PM

Yes. Seriously depressed. Suicidal-contemplatingly depressed.

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Posted by: xe ( )
Date: July 02, 2015 10:59PM

Thank you so much for your answers, everyone! It's really relieving to hear I'm not the only one out there that feels like this.

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Posted by: madalice ( )
Date: July 02, 2015 11:04PM

I used to get a migraine every Sunday.
I hated church. It was boring and it felt like I had to emotionally dumb down if I wanted to fit in. It made me feel crazy.

I don't miss any of it.

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Posted by: notchet ( )
Date: July 02, 2015 11:31PM

Absolutely! Not only did I come home from church feeling depressed, angry, spiritually unsatisfied, drained, etc etc etc, I felt the same way after attending the temple. I had to stop attending both to keep from going bonkers. Attending church should not drive a person bonkers. Find something, anything which will recharge your batteries and not drain them. Life is too short to be miserable.

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Posted by: dogeatdog ( )
Date: July 03, 2015 12:20AM

This is exactly what I felt like. It was SO boring and I would literally look around me and wonder how everyone else was making it through. Then I'd get to Sunday School or RS, and see people being really enthusiastic and engaged in the lessons and I'd feel like I needed to 'dumb down'. It did absolutely nothing for me spiritually. Also, I'm introverted, so by the time I got through 3 hrs of glad handing everyone, I was exhausted. It was the worst.

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Posted by: Dennis Moore ( )
Date: July 02, 2015 11:30PM

Hell yeah! When I first got married, we were making min. wage and living in Pasadena. We were in the "East Pasadena" ward with all the high fluting people with money. Boy, did we feel out of place. So stupid. The GD teacher would have DH introduce himself every effing Sunday. That gawd I became friends with a young widow who had 2 young kids. She saved me from the insanity.

From then on (we moved to a different town), I liked Primary, but hated church. I would get bad headaches every Sunday and was very depressed. I never fit in with the old biddies in RS-I HATE RS.

I've been SO MUCH HAPPIER not going to church anymore. I think its been at least 2.5 since I attended and I'm never, ever going back.


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Posted by: Book of Mordor ( )
Date: July 02, 2015 11:37PM

"Do you think it's my faith crisis that's bringing on all the negative emotions?"

The term "faith crisis" is how the church tries to spin it; that you're the one to blame for "losing your testimony." Understand that it's not you that's bringing on the negative emotions; it's the overbearing and oppressive nature of the church itself.

A good start would be to stop calling it a "faith crisis" and instead place the blame where it rightfully belongs. You're waking up to the church's lies and the damage it's causing. You're beginning to realize and reject all the s*** it's rammed down your throat your entire life.

It's not your fault. There's no good reason to have "faith" in an obsessively controlling cult of obedience.

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Posted by: want2bx ( )
Date: July 03, 2015 12:02AM

Very well said.

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Posted by: want2bx ( )
Date: July 03, 2015 12:15AM

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/03/2015 12:18AM by want2bx.

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Posted by: cristib ( )
Date: July 03, 2015 09:50AM

THIS! (the post above^^^)

Glad I read more....

I was gonna say, even as a TBM I realized that it wasn't MY 'faith crisis' but the BS that was delivered from the pulpits!

Two Sundays I remember very vividly:

#1): Dh and I were not yet sealed in the temple, but were 'civilly married. I was already struggling because my husband was very anti-church (saying the current church had apostatized) and a letter was read in RS stating that children born out of the covenant should be given up for adoption to families blessed with the temple covenants! I was appalled. At that time, we already had 6 children, were expecting our 7th, had been married for almost 10 years.

I was totally shocked that such a letter would have been read, and really thought I had mis-understood. I wondered so much, that I called my dad (an area 70). He was very upset by said letter (he also had just received a degree in family therapy), and told me I had indeed heard it correctly, but that the men who wrote that letter were speaking as uneducated men! So, I brushed it off.


#2: Different ward, my spiritual armor already had taken LOTS of hits, had many different dents, my shelf was pretty darn full. Dh and I had gone to the temple, but my sister had not. She and her husband had decided not to go to the temple for various reasons, and had 3 children together, she had one from a previous relationship. The same letter as in the situation above was again read in RS! I WAS again SHOCKED! I was ANGRY, I was hurt.

This time, though, I raised my hand in objection. As in, I had a comment. I then asked which was better? a) Marrying the young couple together, keeping the family together, and hopefully getting them to the temple as a forever family - like my husband and I, or b) Giving the child up to a family and then the young couple getting married, and never being able to have children again, though they really wanted more (like other people I've known), or c) Giving the child up, and the adopting parents then divorce, while the biological parent is a really righteous person because of the "out of wedlock" situation. AND, was the church leadership REALLY condemning young couples who married out of the temple to giving up wanted children?

You would've thought that I was the daughter of perdition! The bishopric was in the meeting, and then glared at me as they read a letter supposedly from a young mom who "knew" she had done the right thing because she and her young husband (who were not sealed in the temple) couldn't properly raise their 3 kids, so they allowed the church services to take custody and adopt them out!

I came home even MORE PISSED, and my phone ringing. Sure enough, my sister was calling.... She was in total tears, and insisting, as a good mother would, that she would NEVER just give away her children! She was totally devastated that the church would take such a stance.

I told her that the church must really be hurting for couples who can't have children to put such pressure on married out of the temple parents to 'give up' their wanted children, and they needed to be investigated!

I WISH I could find that D@MNED letter! Even 20 years later, it would be interesting to expose the church for that incident! I am also now left in wonder at how that, by itself, did not crack open my armor and cause me to leave. But, I had to wait another 6 years for that event.

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Posted by: want2bx ( )
Date: July 03, 2015 12:18AM

I used to dread Sundays. I would get anxious every Saturday evening just thinking about the following day.

I was always stressed about my calling regardless of what it was. It had been years since I'd had a single friend in any ward that I'd been in, so I didn't even feel like there was a social aspect of church that was enjoyable. I rarely liked the message I was hearing or teaching. I just hated church all the way around.

I would come home from church with a terrible headache and would have to sleep it off, and I rarely nap during the day.

Sundays without church are so much better. I don't miss it at all.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: July 03, 2015 12:31AM

Growing up in the church was fun... Just about any regimented situation allows kids to have fun. At least the mormon church did, back in the 50s & 60s.

And then I go off on the mission. I threw out my testimony, but I didn't have any other plan for life other than mormonism. I figured it was a great way to raise kids! But being a young husband and father, while at the same time being a silly, silly flake, made being mormon a real downer. I was supposed to have put off childish things. I hadn't. Still haven't...

There's no place in mormonism for silly, silly flakes over the age of 17.

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Posted by: Pugsly ( )
Date: July 03, 2015 12:33AM

Every hymn was like a funeral dirge. Everybody sat there looking glum and asleep. I hate "talks" given by lay people and especially kids.
Totally depressing.

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Posted by: Greyfort ( )
Date: July 03, 2015 07:39AM

Pugsly Wrote:
> Every hymn was like a funeral dirge.

LOL I was playing hymns once on the piano and my brother came downstairs and asked, "Why are you playing funeral music?"

Stray Mutt Wrote:
> I was slowly sinking into a pit of
> self-loathing thanks to the church's constant
> bleating about perfection and worthiness.

I probably have a General Authority to thank for me leaving in the first place, before I discovered the truth and resigned.

I was working for the Church and a GA came to talk to us around the time that we were having our job reviews.

He talked about how if we received a bad review, then we'd bring down the scores of our entire office. In fact, we'd bring down the scores of our entire area.

More than that, we'd bring down the scores of our entire Province. But why stop there? We'd be bringing down the scores of the entire country!

I was just floored at how he laid so much guilt on our shoulders and I thought that giving a positive pep talk would have been so much more effective. People were coming to me in tears, feeling like they were letting down people they really cared about.

It dawned on me that for as long as I'd been a member of the LDS Church, that I'd never really felt very good about myself. I said to myself, "Why am I doing that to myself? I shouldn't do that to myself. I should just leave, and so I did. I never went back.

That was 4 or 5 years before I studied my way out permanently and officially resigned. But the moment I went permanently inactive, I felt like I'd taken back my own power and my self-esteem immediately began to heal.

I like myself and my life so much better today. I would never allow myself to become involved with such an organization again.

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Posted by: Jesse ( )
Date: July 03, 2015 12:34AM

Not depressed. Bored.

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Posted by: head aches ( )
Date: July 03, 2015 01:17AM

yes and still depressed thinking about it

I'm interested in others stating they would get headaches...
I too, would get extreme migraines on Sundays, different from other pain and other days, and just generally feel ill...

any theories on church induced headaches? I thought I was crazy, amazed to hear others had similar issues.

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Posted by: kathleen ( )
Date: July 03, 2015 01:31AM

I had to teach the "Death an Dying" lesson in RS for the second year in a row. It's very difficult to teach and class when people have the same morose looks on their faces. So I deviated from the lesson with my rendition of corny jokes and the story of the woman who drug her husband's ashes around in the trunk of the car which freaked out box boys and everybody. Finally, the urn fell while she was speeding around a turn, and so did the kitty litter, so she scooped it all up together and ....

They LAUGHED!!! It was so fun!

That night I got the call. I was released.

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Posted by: Ex-Sister Sinful Shoulders ( )
Date: July 03, 2015 01:47AM

Yes, frequently, as a teen, young adult... I saw no way of escaping. TBM family, extended family... BYU was the only true school (parents met there on the freshman hike to the Y. Ugh.)

It was a dead end for females. As a child, I recall being brighter than most Sunday school teachers-and knew I had to dumb myself down/avoid real questions... YW was a perpetual nightmare. One time I arrived to find out they were making felt Santa Claus light switch covers. I had died and gone to hell! (I left and walked home in the dark.)

A new LDS church was built across the street. I would get ready for church on Sunday, then walk in, walk out, then home. Whew.

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Posted by: heat27 ( )
Date: July 03, 2015 02:28AM

Yes it was a total drain, misery at its finest

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Posted by: verilyverily ( )
Date: July 03, 2015 03:08AM

Every time I attended I was depressed. Being in an evil cult is very depressing, for obvious reasons.

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Posted by: adoylelb ( )
Date: July 03, 2015 03:23AM

Yes, that was true for me, as the times that I was actually suicidal were on Sunday afternoons. Once I quit going to the Mormon church, the suicidal thoughts went away, and I've been off antidepressants for 12 years now.

I also had migraines as well, but that was mostly when I tried to fast in the summer. I'm the type of person who can do fine with skipping a meal or 2, but I have to drink water at least.

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Posted by: Stray Mutt ( )
Date: July 03, 2015 07:13AM

Yes. It was one of the things that nudged me out the door. I was slowly sinking into a pit of self-loathing thanks to the church's constant bleating about perfection and worthiness. They said living The Gospel® would lead to happiness. It did the opposite for me, which made me feel like a failure, like I was broken. Fortunately, I had enough insight to see how the church was contributing to my mental state, so I was able to walk away. At the time, I couldn't say whether the church was True®. I just knew I needed to distance myself for the sake of my mental health. Once I was outside the church's noise machine I got enough clarity and perspective to see that it was a bunch of baloney. And I stopped hating myself. "Oh, it's not me that's messed up, it's the church."

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Posted by: unworthy ( )
Date: July 03, 2015 09:20AM

I always felt the Mormons a negative and controlling people. Always pointing out faults and criticize. Much better to be away from that,,

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Posted by: ElderCarrion ( )
Date: July 03, 2015 10:01AM

32. And it came to pass that there were many souls who did fake their joys, yea, insomuch that a movie was made of this phenomenon.

33. Yea, and they did wax exceedingly peculiar to thos who were once of the same ilk.

34. But behold, they did remain steadfast and immoveable, yea, and did insist that they were exceedingly happy, yea, even though they did not drink wine, nor drink coffee, nor enjoy porn, or do many other normal and exceeding fun activities.

35. Yea, and they were known as phony, fake and very closed-minded.

36. But behold, they did not care about this at all. In fact, they knew that the only real joy was found in their fake joy.

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Posted by: cl2 ( )
Date: July 03, 2015 10:10AM

My parents argued a lot on Sunday. It was directly because of mormonism. My mother was irritable on Sundays. My dad was a farmer and irrigated on weekends often. He also liked to watch football. He would go to priesthood and then head to the farm (20 miles away). My mom had to take care of getting us all off to church, etc., and fix dinner. I see the lds church as one of the only and biggest issues they ever argued about or caused arguments.

So I grew up with hating Sundays. Wearing nylons could set me off, but there are so many expectations and I'm an introvert. I went to church because I believed, not to socialize. Then my husband expected a big dinner. That was one of my first rebellions.

I love Sundays now. I've been inactive/resigned for about 20 years now.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/03/2015 10:11AM by cl2.

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Posted by: cristib ( )
Date: July 03, 2015 10:10AM

In case you didn't know from my previous post, yes, I knew that going to church was causing me a lot of depression. But, I knew it was not really 'church' but the people. Because, as the saying goes, "The Church is perfect, but the people...."

However, I cannot express the relief that I felt the moment I realized that the church was a fraud because of JS's "First Vision"... and the different versions of that vision.

That gave me to permission to look at all those things on my shelf of doubt.

I had to carefully look because, even though my husband had said he believed the current church to be in apostasy, he was very upset that I came to believe it was a total fraud.

However, as I looked at each item, I realized I was still depressed, and some things caused more depression, some things caused me great relief and pleasure to have worked out. So, in my case, my "crisis in faith" did not 'cause my depression', but caused me to look at my depression more seriously.

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Posted by: Byereality32198 ( )
Date: July 16, 2017 12:55PM

In February I realized I didn't believe in a God who would disregard everything I had become (ie someone who'd pull over and help, teach children to stand up for themselves and realize mistakes are not equivalent to sins, help the homeless, etc) because of a list of things I had or hadn't done. I already have major depression and for years I doubted what I felt about the church because I could take a grand gesture of love and feel nothing from it. The moment I yelled to the heavens "I won't be mormon anymore!" it was like I had myself back. I still have depression, but now I don't have the added stress of guilt for being quiet in class, for pointing out logical fallacies (girls should dress modestly for boy's sake, anyone?), wanting to finish college before I was trapped in the house with children I wasn't sure I wanted, or for not wanting to go to a place that made me feel worse. I realized that there was no love in those church sessions, only misguided doctrines being shoved down my throat.

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Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: July 16, 2017 01:14PM

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/16/2017 01:15PM by Dave the Atheist.

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Posted by: janis ( )
Date: July 16, 2017 02:21PM

I hated going to church. It was depressing. I wondered why I was doing this to myself. Every Sunday i'd sit there and listen to someone talk about how wonderful they were, an how we needed to be just like them. Um no thanks. It got to the point where I couldn't think of a reason to go. Nothing good ever happened there. There was nothing to look forward to. Unless you were doing, doing, doing, they had no use for you.

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Posted by: marilee ( )
Date: July 16, 2017 02:58PM

I always got headaches too. I think it might have been the heavy perfume and hairspray everyone used to use. The social pressure always made me very nervous too. I often found it difficult to sit through meetings without crying. Another thing that was very hard was trying to keep many children quiet through long meetings, and having people look askance at you when the kids did something wrong. Meetings sometimes felt like a showcase for people to look at you and your family and compare, judging all the while. The sacrament songs were so sad. Also, after working hard all week, I really did need a day to rest, and women have to work harder on Sunday than any day of the week, especially if they don't let their kids have TV or computers. The kids are bored out their minds and get in fights and into trouble. That is- in my family. I'm sure perfect TBM families never had problems like that. Fasting, staying up late preparing lessons for Sunday, having to have all clothes ironed and wear dresses, suits, etc. It was torture. I'm glad they don't have to wear dresses anymore.

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Posted by: Texmo ( )
Date: July 16, 2017 04:08PM

Yes! I never really thought about it before, but looking back at my life as a TBM, my family came home from church exhausted after spending three hours sitting through incredibly boring meetings that were anything but uplifting or enlightening. All lessons were about how we needed to do more or try harder to be perfect - - we were never good enough. When we came home we'd all take a nap or stretch out on the floor and read the Sunday paper. Funny that we were all teenagers, except for my parents, and were drained of energy from sitting for three hours - you'd think we'd want to go outside and run around afterwards. I think the mental drain is what exhausted us, and made us feel like we'd taken a downer pill.

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Posted by: turbo ( )
Date: July 16, 2017 05:32PM

Yes, stressed, upset, moody,and anxiety attacks sometimes.

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Posted by: kathleen ( )
Date: July 16, 2017 05:42PM

Horribly so.

I couldn't stand wasting even one hour of daylight in a windowless cavern.

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Posted by: unbelievable2 ( )
Date: July 16, 2017 08:28PM

I was anxious, depressed and frustrated the entire 36 years in the cult. Week after week talks and lessons in the cult were not about Jesus. IF the church was named after Him, you would think someone would want to know more about Him. The whole culture and doctrine was anti-Christ. I was running on empty for decades, burned out and miserable. Now that I left, my anxiety lifted. Every Sunday there was another experience in emotional and spiritual abuse. So happy to be out and free. Christ said, "The truth will set you free." He was right. And I will never make those mistakes again of trusting people who can't be trusted.

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Posted by: Lethbridge Reprobate ( )
Date: July 16, 2017 09:08PM

As I entered my teen years and became aware of the hell I could be raising in those wasted hours I did. When I turned 16, got my drivers licence and my first car, my depression lessened somewhat.

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Posted by: shapeshifter ( )
Date: July 16, 2017 11:26PM

Absolutely! Even when I was a TBM, I would come back utterly drained and depressed, and incredibly relieved that it was over. In fact my whole TBM family seemed relieved to get home again after, like we just endured something awful.

The things is I don't think we ever asked 'does it make me happy'.. we went out of a feeling of obligation. If you believe what they tell you, that it's the 'only true church' and you have to 'follow the prophet' and do all you are told in order to make it to the celestial kingdom (where you might finally be allowed to be happy).. it's really about your DUTY in attending church and all the rest of that they make you do (all the other meetings, obligations), it's not about being happy from it, it's not about what it does for YOU, it's about what YOU do for it! (it being the 'church') It's about your servitude and your sacrifice. So you go because you feel you must (or else,.. banned to outer darkness etc).

So I don't think anyone is really ever 'happy' there.. they may enjoy socializing after (I remember it took the whole team of us, all the kids, to pull my mother away from her after church chatting), but the meetings are just so hard to get through. Often boring, or filled with guilt trips.. think of how many men (mainly men as I remember as they are allowed to bow their heads down as if they are deep in prayer, esp. the ones up on the stand) just slept right through the whole sacrament meeting, including the bishop? It's because it's NOT inspiring, it's very very depressing!!

I hope you are able to find your way out soon. Life on the other side is MUCH MUCH MUCH better! Best of luck to you.

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Posted by: donbagley ( )
Date: July 17, 2017 04:02AM

Mormon church meetings were like a hot coal in my cranium. The boredom was as thick as a boiling mud pot. The pew was hard at my back and my ass, two places where you don't want to feel bad. Perfume wafted, and soft voices sang hymnals. Speakers repeated indoctrination that had already been taught in classes. Priesthood men decried popular culture. Bloody goddam amen. Then the foyer handshaking. It was like they were all doing it on purpose. How could nobody notice?

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Posted by: moehoward ( )
Date: July 17, 2017 12:16PM

I have 3 memories.

-Mutual on Tuesdays, I think. I was a Trekker (sp?) and involved with scouts. I have fond memories of that experience

-Testimony meeting, UGH. I hated it, people crying and saying the same thing. My mom surprisingly got up one Sunday and yes, starting crying and thankful for her many blessings. I was mortified.

-Sunday church by age 12 was horrible. At that time, church was in the morning and then Sacrament meeting in the afternoon. Since the church was intertwined with Scouts, I lost interest in Scouting.

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Posted by: cl2 ( )
Date: July 17, 2017 12:19PM

Hell yes! Don't get me started. Didn't get married until age 27 to someone gay. Those years of wondering why I wasn't finding someone (proposed to by 3 nonmormons before I was 23). Obviously God was punishing me. Once I found out about the gay issues, I was suicidal for years. YEARS.

I always came away from church feeling like I was failing and they kept telling me I was.

I wasn't good enough EVER.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/17/2017 12:19PM by cl2.

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Posted by: desertman ( )
Date: July 17, 2017 04:46PM

Only if I was alone or with somebody

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Posted by: Lethbridge Reprobate ( )
Date: July 17, 2017 05:13PM

I distinctly remember sitting in a hot stake centre for an April stake convernz in my uncomfortable suit on those cruel fucking steel chairs listening to then aposthole SWK growl on about his brush with death when the giant boulder crashed through the window of the train car he was riding in blah, blah, fucking blah and suffering from a head cold and feeling miserable and about as low as a snake's belly. I hated confernz in particular and church in general and that was a very low point.

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Posted by: messygoop ( )
Date: July 17, 2017 05:40PM

I grew to hate the plan of salvation! By the time I was 10, I knew that I was doomed to never see my family again after death. The church hammered it through their lessons that living the gospel is either 100% or nothing. I had older siblings that decided that the church could go to hell. They stopped attending and that really bothered me. The brainwashing was so severe that I secretly hated my family. I was horribly jealous of those "perfect" looking families.

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Posted by: abby ( )
Date: July 17, 2017 05:53PM

Suicidal every week. Now it's severely depressed.

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Posted by: tnurg ( )
Date: July 17, 2017 08:32PM

In-spite of the happy face facade presented to believers, the mormon church is a miserable place to spend your time! Many brain washed, mesmerized members are hanging on by a tread hoping for better days ahead! For many more, the CULT is a major guilt trip with dire consequences! For the many who are confronted at church - it becomes a real life nightmare! Oh my God, what if the bishop wants to speak with me in his office immediately after church? Does he know about this/that? Is he inspired - can I lie my way out effectively/keep my temple recommend? What will my family/neighbors think if one of my indiscretions gets out? What happens if family/friends find out that I'm just simply tired of this entire charade? It's all bullshit/I know it! How do I get out of this mess/keep my sanity? How in the hell did I ever allow myself to get in so deep? My Gosh! Wow, it's no wonder that I don't feel good about this place!

Suicide is no solution to your problem - they win! Professional Counseling is a far better approach! A non mormon experienced in CULT deprogramming could be very helpful! Okay, in addition to counseling, I would be looking for ways to gracefully exit the mormon nightmare with family in tack - if possible! Put yourself in a position to leave on your terms! Start planning for a future away from the dreaded confines of religious oppression! Do the very best you can - don't let them get you down/ discouraged! They're not worth it! My best to you/others struggling with the mormon nightmare! I'd also recommend finding others who feel the same way - a post mormon gathering of members like you who are questioning/exmormons who understand exactly what you're going through can be quite helpful! You don't have to do it alone! Posting here is also another good way to find support! Many of us have been victimized before you! Remember, you are not alone! Yup, 50 plus years of being a fool for me! As Always, tnurg (GRUNT)

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Posted by: raiku ( )
Date: July 17, 2017 08:48PM

I felt like this often. The kids at church seemed much more intolerant of my eccentricities than the kids at school. I was fascinated by church doctrine until I learned enough for church to start repeating itself and be monotonous, and then I was bored and miserable.

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Posted by: adoylelb ( )
Date: July 17, 2017 08:56PM

I was frequently depressed, and at times suicidal after church because I was a female hormonal convert who felt that no matter what I did, I was never going to be "worthy" for anything. Like many other women in the cult, I was on an antidepressant just to get through Sundays.

It wasn't until I resigned from the cult and divorced my TBM ex-husband that the depression I had went away completely. In the 14 years since my resignation and divorce were both final, I haven't had the need to go back on any antidepressant.

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Posted by: Old Woman ( )
Date: July 17, 2017 09:04PM

Around 6-7 years ago, I phoned my daughter after church, once again , to vent. Finally, I said to her that something had to be terribly wrong with a church when instead of being uplifted and ready to face whatever comes your way after attending, one either left angry or crying all the way home. It wasn't long after that I discovered Mormonthink and the rest is history. I am sad to no longer enjoy some of the old friends who were made when we were young marrieds and now have nothing to do with me after 47 years in the church together ,but I am free of the anger and depression. I had no idea how much of my joy I lost by trying to be a square peg in a round hole living silly unwritten as well as written man made rules placing undue burdens upon me until I stopped going.

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Posted by: catnip ( )
Date: July 17, 2017 09:45PM

The longer I was in the church, the more things I noticed that seemed off-key to me.

The open worship of JS (to the point of tears in some people, on F&T days) struck me as bizarre. I never particularly cared whether Jesus had actually visited the New World while in the postmortem state, most of the BoM bored me witless - I felt like a restless kid, constantly looking at my watch and wondering, "How much LONGER??"

And callings - UGH! I carried mine out to the best of my ability, but there were times when my ability didn't coincide with the Mormon notion of how things should be done, and ultimately, one particular case of this lit up the EXIT sign for me.

Yeah, in general, church was a turnoff. And that should have been a clue.

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Posted by: subeamnotlogedin ( )
Date: July 17, 2017 11:02PM

"Doty became concerned about depression among LDS women while she worked as a crisis counselor in the emergency room at Utah Valley Regional Medical Center. During that time, she saw a pattern of increased visits on Sunday afternoons by women who came from their church meetings feeling anxious, guilty or inadequate."

I never had to go to the ER on a sunday but I used to take long naps after church because I was so worn out.

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Posted by: Breeze ( )
Date: July 18, 2017 01:27AM

Yes! I called it my "Sunday depression." All the while, I still believed. I trusted the Mormons (my parents among them) who told me it was MY fault that church depressed me. In my heart, I knew I was a good person. I obeyed the rules. I tried very hard to be perfect. I was always the ward and/or stake organist, and had a teaching calling or cub scouts on top of that.

I would come home, go to my bedroom, and close the curtains, and crawl into bed, still in my clothes, and even my heels and panty hose, and pull the covers over my head, and lie there in the dark and quiet for 30 minutes. I needed to recover, to clear my mind. I felt like I had been beat-up, abused, physically pummeled. It was not just "boredom" or "tiredness". It wasn't real "depression", either, because I would get out of bed, and take off those awful clothes, and be with my children, and order a pizza for Sunday dinner, and watch a movie.

For those 30 minutes, I didn't have a headache, but I was so sick that I had to explain to my children that I had to "sleep" for 30 minutes.

I forced myself to do this every Sunday, because I felt Mormonism was "a good way to raise children," even though my poor kids hated church. Soon, I began feeling unhappy and grumpy on Saturdays, because I would have to prepare my Sunday school lesson, and rehearse the music (Yes! It is funeral music! LOL! Ever since the cult made a rule that only Mormon music could be played.) and get everyone's clothes ready. I didn't have time to do much with the kids on weekends.

I was a divorced single working mother, but, compared to those 3 hours in church and 5 hours rehearsing and preparing, my job was less draining. I actually would look forward to Mondays, when I could feel like a valuable human being, again! I was helping others in my work. Even the most demanding, most discouraging experiences at work were far more positive than my church experience.

Soon, I discovered that coffee and chocolate would help me get through SundaysI didn't eat that stuff during the week. If there had been access to anti-depressnats, I probably would have taken those, too. Most of the women on RS were on an antidepressant! We took a poll, out of curiosity, and over half the RS class raised their hands. (Maybe some of the others were lying.)

Please, please, please, dear poster XE, understand that there is no such thing as a "faith crisis." This is a term that the cult invented, in order to put more blame on YOU and off of THEM. The Mormon church wants money. It wants more members, to bring in more money. They keep members hooked, and obedient, by stripping them of their self-esteem.

Yes, yes! I felt just like you, and all the other posters!

Cl2: "I always came away from church feeling like I was failing and they kept telling me I was.

Shapeshifter: "In fact my whole TBM family seemed relieved to get home again after, like we just endured something awful"

When I walked out of that church building for the last time, I felt a sudden joy, like that dark cloud over my life had lifted, and the sun had come out! I was surprised that the Sunday depression left so quickly--and it has not returned for 9 years, now! (Except for normal crying at funerals, feeling discouraged when I'm ill, and the normal rough patches of real life.) No matter what, sadness is temporary, and under my control. On a scale of 1-10, I'm at 9.5 happiness! So are my children, who resigned with me!

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Posted by: lapsed ( )
Date: July 18, 2017 09:32AM

My depression started early Saturday evening and lasted until I got home from church and out of church clothes.

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Posted by: valkyriequeen ( )
Date: July 18, 2017 10:19AM

I was so relieved when my DH and son didn't want to go to church anymore! I hated RS and the bitchy biddies that would turn and look at me like I was the unclean entering their sacred sanctuary. It was always my DH who extended his hand and said hi and good morning to others. We were shunned before we ever left the church. I have one funny memory of a sacrament meeting and that was when the closing prayer was given, and a little boy hollered: "AMEN!, let's go home!"

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Posted by: anonforthisone ( )
Date: July 18, 2017 11:28AM

Yes. At the time I didn't know that tscc was the problem. I thought I needed to be more "Mormon" to fix it, but the longer I stayed the worse it got. I would feel sick almost every Sunday. Headaches. Stomach would hurt. I remember even being at tscc and crying but I didn't understand why. Since leaving I never feel like that anymore. Today its very obvious what the problem really was. It wasn't me, it was belonging to a toxic cult that I, at the time, couldn't escape from.

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Posted by: SusieQ#1 ( )
Date: July 18, 2017 02:28PM

No. Never. I was not a candidate for depression, even a little bit. Still not. It's just how I'm wired, I guess.
Did I get frustrated and annoyed? Sure. Were people outrageously childish and bizarre, at times, Sure.
Was I astonished by the behavior of a lot of members? You bet.
Did the lies/liars shock me? Oh ya!

Was it any different than people everywhere else? Nope.
And that is important. Mormons are people just like everyone else -- some quirky cultural traits, but their behavior is always right there in the realm of ....humans!

The list of personality traits existed everywhere in my life: school, church, work, athletics, clubs, etc.
The characteristics and behavior is all the same, just the faces change!

In fact, some of the best advice about not allowing others to influence my emotions, behavior and change me was learned in talks in the LDS Church!

Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/18/2017 02:30PM by SusieQ#1.

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Posted by: severedpuppetstrings ( )
Date: July 18, 2017 02:50PM

Oh yeah. I spent years coming home, beating myself up for not being perfect or trying hard enough. I would then spend Sunday's exhausting myself by praying hard, studying the scriptures, studying conference talks trying to get to the level of "spirituality" (I say that in quote, because I feel that TSCC has the definition of "spirituality skewed) as the other members... when in reality, I really wanted to listen to music or watch a movie (I even felt guilty and sad about that...not wanting to "keep the Sabbath day holy.")

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