It comes with a strange sense of freedom. The part of my brain that would do anything for comfort and resources has been left with nothing but the realization that it and the rest of my soul are on its own and that’s ok. A lot of the angst about being in this state is generated by the church: once you’re out here doing the grind to pay your bills, you realize it’s you and everyone else. There’s a camaraderie in being just like everyone else, and it generates things to talk about with strangers that I didn’t have before. I’m not advocating for burning your life down just to burn it down: make sure you are economically independent first and pick a very fine pretext too. Mine was vaccination. I believe there are sane objections to the ones currently in the news, but my father was part of none of that. He’s a loony toon who lives in his own world, and I’m glad not to be part of it anymore. I don’t want the option of running back to my parents for anything: they’ve insulted me enough. Everyone knows that my father and I are cross with each other and I prefer it this way. I will not suffer his pretended Mormon authority anymore especially on things that have nothing to do with his damned religion. He had been demanding that I be silent and not embarrass him, and I will not anymore. I intend to embarrass him forevermore as long as I know I’m sticking up for good, evidence-based advice.

You really want to cheese him off?

Your dad's a chiro, right (IIRC)? You could publicly mock his profession as a fraud and a hoax, just like the church. Draw a straight line between his job and faith, and characterize both as fleecing of gullible sheep. If you're gonna poke, do it with an electric cattle prod, not just a stick.

Sometimes you get in so deep you have to blast your way out with dynamite?

Becoming 100% self sufficient as you allude to is the best in this case, well, or any case. I reached a point very early where I did not want anything at all from my parents. This was because any small thing they did made me feel obligated and the feeling of obligation is the same as subjugation for me.

Obligation, duty, is at the center of Mormonism and at the center of the Mormon Family. It is often a tool used for evil, haha.

I am a firm believer that we don't "owe" our parents anything. Us being theirs was their decision alone. We may be grateful, we may appreciate them, but we don't owe them. We may even want to do anything we can for them as they age or face challenges, but the support will mean more coming from love rather than obligated payback.

"We don't owe our parents anything". There is a famous scene from a 60s movie, Guess who is coming to dinner, that made that point. It resinated we with me even a a child.
https://youtu.be/j7izmtxiZoc

I've seen the movie probably three times but had forgotten that most powerful scene. And Dead on!

Could have used that script writer when I was younger. I had that same exchange with my father but it wasn't quite that eloquent.

1.PAY
2.PRAY
PAY
3.OBEY
PAY
BUT first and foremost pay pay pay

from my husband. He was abusive for a long time, especially after he first left. He tends to keep you NEEDING him financially as he is afraid of losing you (kids, too), so if he can make you dependent on him financially, then maybe he'll be able to keep you. It is a really sick thing to live through.

I wanted nothing more than to be free of him 100% financially as then he had no hold over me. And I worked really hard, but when you have 2 kids of his and they need things and you keep running into things like car breaking down. The minute I'd say to myself, "Okay, I'm having nothing more to do with him," something would happen. It was a horrible bind to find myself in. I often told him I hoped that someday he would be a small blip on my radar.

When I got together with my boyfriend from my 20s, then things changed BIG TIME. AND I found out I get half his pension if I divorce him. I agreed not to as long as he pays the bills. He lives in the house as I left for a while to go live with my boyfriend in Colorado, and now we share the house. So now he pays all the bills here. I paid for the house for 15 years myself. And I won't take half his pension and half his 401K.

We get along great now. He has no "control" over me mentally, emotionally, and physically. I actually have money to help our children more now. I always paid for everything for them anyway, but it is nice that they know they can ask me for help when they need it. Their dad is better about it now, too. One of his boyfriends told him he'd lose them if he didn't quit treating them so poorly. We are all still friends with that boyfriend.

Anyway--it wasn't my parents I had to break free of his need to control me. It was my husband. Oddly enough. And all his gay friends and old boyfriends (2 of whom I'm best friends with) say that he needs me emotionally and is scared to death to lose me. He has his boyfriend. I have mine. Works great. Never thought it could get to this point.

I hope you find a measure of peace.