I have been increasingly annoyed in recent months by the apparently steadily increasing (at least in the USA) use of "passed away" instead of "died."

Personally, I think "passed away" is weaker (both linguistically and psychologically), and as a writer, I generally prefer less ambiguity and more specificity.

A few hours ago I suddenly realized I could Google this question, and this link came up:

https://www.joincake.com/blog/passed-away-vs-died/

The article is interesting, and basically says that the use of "passed away" has a more religious perspective, while the use of "died" is a direct statement of fact.

Has anyone else here been annoyed by this happening-right-now change in our language and our cultural perceptions?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/07/2021 12:58AM by Tevai.

Some think it is rude to say died rather than passed away. I think passed away is used more by people who can't accept reality.

Bought the farm ?

For most of my over half century I almost always heard passed on, passed away or just passed.

Heartless Wrote:
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> For most of my over half century I almost always
> heard passed on, passed away or just passed.

This is interesting (at least, is is to me!).

So you are saying that people around you, for the last fifty years or so, mostly preferred "passed" rather than "died"?

I wonder: is there a geographical element involved here? (In other words, is this a custom which has been previously prevalent in LDS-predominant areas?)

Where I live, this is a fairly new (Covid era, I think) general usage, both in speaking and in non-fiction writing. (In fiction and in films, "passed on" was used, at least fairly often, if it fit the characters being portrayed.)



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/07/2021 01:40AM by Tevai.

I have heard the "passed away" thing my whole life and I'm in my seventh decade. People rarely say died. It seems harsh to those who want to comfort and cushion.


I do have some friends who say, "Fell of the perch."

Kicked the bucket is good too.

The only one I can't stand is, "Heavenly father needed him worse than we did." Yuck.

I've heard it (along with variations,) my whole life, too, and I'm in my 60s. I think it just depends on personal preference. I try to give a lot of latitude to people (especially the deceased's loved ones,) when talking about death.

Another one that I've heard, mostly in black Christian circles, is "homegoing" along with variations.

When discussing the death of pets, "went over the rainbow bridge" is common.

:D :D

Both of us are laughing.

Thank you, [|]!!

I knew what that link was going to be without opening it!

People are always dying to change things.

Death gives living a bad name.

Not in Mormonism. It is redemptive.

There is a culture change underway and it's much more concerning that just "passed away."

I am brutally blunt
If someone died they died they didn't pass anything

I view this differently from my observations and experience. If someone just died and people want to be extra sensitive about it, they might say "passed away" because the words DEAD or DIED sound so harsh. Later, after it isn't such a raw situation, THEN you switch to using dead. At least that is my experience with the word.

If a puppy dies, people try to soften the shock by saying things like "passed over rainbow bridge," etc. Later, when everyone has accepted and adapted the dog is gone, saying the dog is dead won't be like salt in a wound anymore.

In my experience it has been respectful to be as soft as you can when the death is new to people. It's related to the "is it too soon" consideration when talking about the dead. I have not noticed a culture change. I was raised near where you are now. That is how my family was back then and now.

When my grandma died (I was in jr. high school), it took about 3 months before everyone referred to Grandma being DEAD without sounding callous.

Dagny,I agree with your post. Personally, I think what people say at funerals is more harsh.

I don't mind funerals where people share funny stories about the deceased person or describe qualities about the person. However, when the funeral is really a religious sermon, it isn't about the person at all, IMO. I hate the religious ones. I suppose some of the living need religious hype to make sense of the death but sheesh, what BS.

Exactly what dagny said.

I've never used "passed" as it feels spooky to me, as if you believe in spirits (passing to another world). "Passed away" has always seemed OK. I can't quite explain why the difference.

When my dearest mom died 2 years ago (unexpectedly, on my birthday - here one minute, gone the next, no time to realize or say good-bye) I couldn't say "died". As dagny mentioned, it sounded abrupt and harsh and I was devastated for a long time at her loss and couldn't say the D-word. I started saying "left"; i.e. "when Mom left" or "after Mom left". I'd never used that expression before but it's all I could say at the time. Then I managed to graduate to saying "passed away" and was aware that it was a softer way to say died or dead and it made it easier for me. I've only very recently started being able to say died.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/07/2021 02:28PM by Nightingale.

Exactly. My mom said "since dad has gone" for a long time. She used the words left, gone, and passed. She didn't say her husband is dead or deceased that I noticed for years. I have to admit she did say it for people she didn't like.

I've noted a trend that in Utah obituaries are providing very little detail of deaths. Prior to Covid pandemic families would usually say something like a "long struggle with cancer" or due to complications from Parkinson's Disease. I know of seven deaths that were listed as Covid deaths by a local hospital and the obituaries only say " passed away". Looking at other obituaries through out the state, I suspect this is happening quite a bit. I do know in the rural area where we have a farm there are several older folks who got the sars-2 virus from younger family and ward members and they are quite vocal about telling the covid deniers to STFU and stop the anti-mask bullshit and to get vaccinated.

Hahaha. Now those have an empathetic ring to them!

a fairly informal Australian term for 'he died' is 'he carked it' - might be a derivation of 'croaked' for all I know.

It wouldn't be said at the nicer funerals...

When I wrote my father's obituary two years ago, I used "passed away". But in the time since then, I've become increasingly annoyed with people using "passed away" so blatantly euphemistically to avoid stating the hard truth that the person *died*.

Accordingly, when I wrote my mother-in-law's obituary, I used "died" instead, and I suspect that's what will be in my mother's obituary now when that time comes too.

Tyson

My wife used to work in a hospital. So she always says "expired". It makes it sound like a magazine subscription. I always say "died."

Obituaries in our town are full of "was called home to Jesus."

One I often heard from Mormons: "She passed through the veil."

What about suicides? Lots of euphemisms: "took his own life" "chose to end it all" ... why not just "he killed himself"?

nli Wrote:
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> My wife used to work in a hospital. So she always
> says "expired".

Yeah, that's what I was taught when I was doing bedside nursing. It sounds so clinical to me and not a word you usually hear from the general public.


> What about suicides? Lots of euphemisms: "took his
> own life" "chose to end it all" ... why not just
> "he killed himself"?

"He killed himself" sounds too abrupt. I've heard that someone "died by his own hand" which seems less abrupt, somehow.

Also, I always wonder why that has to be publicized. I'm in favour of privacy.

nli Wrote:
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> What about suicides? Lots of euphemisms: "took his
> own life" "chose to end it all" ... why not just
> "he killed himself"?


me:
I have a friend who committed suicide. I just say it like that, "he committed suicide."


I've never really thought about saying passed away/died. I think I use both terms. Personally, I don't believe in an afterlife, but I don't think saying "passed away" is any indication on whether or not you believe in an afterlife.

I have noted a change from the phrase "committed suicide" and now more commonly hear that the person "passed away from suicide" or "by suicide", if people even have to include the word suicide. I think it's a private decision that the deceased person made in obviously difficult circumstances.

The word 'committed' in law has a negative connotation: committed a crime, committed for trial, committed to prison. "Committed suicide" can sound like an accusation.

Maybe we should dispense altogether with including a cause of death in bereavement notices, although they're often used as a way to raise money for a related cause (such as cancer research).

So, a personal choice it is.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/07/2021 07:29PM by Nightingale.

"passed away" never bothered me. Just "passed", however, grates on my nerves. Deadlines pass. Gas is passed. Students pass. Quarterbacks pass.

People pass away.

I use both when I reference my wife's demise. Depends on the context of the conversation.

,,, made his (hers) last tithing payment...

Timely

https://www.newyorker.com/culture/personal-history/a-better-place

A Better Place
Why the euphemisms? My father did not “pass.” Neither did he “depart.” He died.

By David Sedaris
August 30, 2021

BcE

He's resting. Beautiful casket.

"Passed on" is the Christian Science euphemism of choice, as they believe that physical existence (human life, and hence, death) are illusions. So to die is to leave the illusion of physical, mortal existence and "pass on" (or up) to the higher, truer reality of spiritual (ethereal) existence.

The cultural change we're going through is a lot larger than euphemisms about people's death. How about the death -- or suicide--of Western culture?

caffiend Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> "Passed on" is the Christian Science euphemism of
> choice, as they believe that physical existence
> (human life, and hence, death) are illusions. So
> to die is to leave the illusion of physical,
> mortal existence and "pass on" (or up) to the
> higher, truer reality of spiritual (ethereal)
> existence.

Thank you for this, caffiend. I appreciate it.


> The cultural change we're going through is a lot
> larger than euphemisms about people's death. How
> about the death -- or suicide--of Western culture?

I don't see Western culture dying at all--quite the opposite!

I think there is enormous deep thinking going on (more than has ever before happened in human history), as well as enormous effort to repair what is "wrong" in the world.

What I see and know is happening is, at least much of the time, steadily creating a better world for far larger segments of humankind than has ever happened before.

Western culture is thriving--all over the planet!!!

Yes, we absolutely have a bunch of problems, but we also have the certain knowledge that people are working on fixing or eliminating those problems, and what we don't see happening in any of our personal lifetimes, we know will almost certainly happen at some point after our individual deaths.

Despite everything which is wrong with the world (climate change probably at the top of most thinking peoples "To Do" lists), overall we (the humans on this planet) are, on so many different levels, working our way to what our ancestors would have thought was so improbable that they couldn't even imagine the possibility.

It's definitely not a guaranteed "Happy Ending," but it is the closest our species has ever been to a good, emotionally nourishing, and creatively flourishing life than has ever happened before in all of human history.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2021 02:12AM by Tevai.

No More attendance at church or other functions...

No More S&H Green Stamps


Heirs cash out the life insurance & other $$$, some cry, some are happy...