Well, I knew we just couldn't slip away gracefully. It's been almost 3 years and we've been pretty much left alone... I think at my Dad's urging. (He knows that if they push, I'll push back...) But, there's a new bishopic, so they show up last night at 8:30, no less, uninvited, and asking if they could come in and talk with us. My husband (dressed in his shorts and tank top) basically told them that was not going to happen, only more nicely than that. He said that they're visiting ALL the ward members and would like to come back another time, then. Yeah, right! My husband said that he's not going to waste their time. The bishop then told him if we want our names removed to send him PERSONALLY a letter stating so. That would be the ONLY way that they'll leave us alone. I thought we were supposed to send that letter to Salt Lake? Is this a new way of doing things? Anyway, the only reason why we haven't already is because I didn't need another reason for my dad to not talk to us again for another year and a half. He still barely speaks to us now. But, I'm kinda thinking that if we do send the letter, I can tell him that they told us they wouldn't leave us alone unless we did, and since he knows that we DO want to be left alone.... Case closed. Of course I told my husband that that's not necessarily true. That once you're a member, there is a "fingerprint" and even with your name removed, it's not really removed.... It's like the mob.

Well, I guess I'm just venting.... But the serious question is... Is the recent trend to send the letters to the bishop? I thought that was odd....

I sent my letter to SLC, but it was forwarded to the local BP anyway - that's probably why he said to give it to him. I'd probably go through SLC in any case, makes a more complete paper trail.

Well - you could try my take if you like:

The only people allowed to visit me without my permission are:

Family members and by invitation, friends
Police
Emergency Services

The latter two need a jolly good reason to be hammering on my door - emergency/alarm call etc.

I would never invite VTs into my home if they arrived unannounced. We were a part member family and didn't take kindly to having our home disturbed in the evening. Eventually that was understood and respected, unless move-ins joined the ward who needed to learn some manners.

Sigh....

Briggy

From what I've been reading on here the last few years, it's always been the case that the letter goes to the bishop. It's just that many people don't know who their bishop is or don't want to write to him. When you send the letter to SLC, they happily forward it to the bishop anyway, even if you ask them not to. [shrug]

I suppose that does make sense to send it to him, then. I'm going to have to put the "no contact" clause in there though, aren't I? Since my dad is on the high counsel, I'm sure he'll know about it. Oh well... his choice to choose a stupid cult over family.

I just find it "nice" that they show up at 8:30.. just when most people are settling in for the evening. And they KNOW that I have young children that I'm probably getting bathed and to bed at that time. Grrrrrrrr... I think the last drop by is typical, though.

p.s. I know that even if our names are "off", they aren't really "off", which TOTALLY pisses me "off"! :)

I got steamed reading about the bishop's arrogance. He can't leave you alone unless you resign? How does he figure that? And why did you fall for it? You're probably a very nice and polite person so you don't like to get in anybody's face etc. I'm that way myself but WTF?

I wonder what the bishop would say to a letter from an attorney threatening legal action if he doesn't cease and desist in his harassment? His assumption that the policies of the Mormon church out rank the laws of the nation is just mind blowing. Since your name is on a computer generated list he simply has no choice but to knock on your door. It doesn't matter how many times you ask him not to, he simply must do it because look, your name is right there on his list! And in order to get your name of his list you have to jump through his hoops!? To hell with that.

Stunted

....as to show me the link to the canned "dodge letter"? I'm just pretty much going to copy it, sign our names, and send it in. Thanks!!

Sending it only to the bish means he might sit on it or ages or claim it never got to him.

Yep I've read a story or two on here how it got "lost" in the bishop's office. I'd send it to SLC myself. They do forward a copy to the bish, but once SLC gets it you are officially out. If the bish sits on it, no one is notified that you have resigned.

I'm not saying it's common practice to do that, but if you want to know you're officially out, send it to SLC.

Plus I'd do it just to set boundaries with the bish. He's not my boss, he doesn't get to tell me what to do. If he says swish I will swoosh. LOL



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/11/2011 04:33PM by lillium.

I sent my get out email to SLC and told them I wanted confidentiality (sp?). They replied with form letter saying the local sp and bish would contact me....they never did. Two months later I got my final letter from Dodge. As far as I know no one here knows. One of my brothers is a member of the bishoprick, and I haven't heard boo about it.

Go direct to SLC. Don't give that asshat the feeling of power, that only he can help you.

It's nothing new. Resignation always gets processed thru the Bishop. Its just that you can send it thru SLC if you prefer and then they forward it to the Bishop for final sign off.

Your husband is right about you permanently remaining on the records even if you resign. HOWEVER, you will be marked as "former member" (or whatever they call you) and will no longer be in the local wards records as a member. Therefore you will not show up on hometeacher lists, ward directories, etc. The ward will not be checking up on you from any lists.

I sent my email to Greg Dodge, who notified the locals. Since it is Dodge who actually processes the resignation, it seemed logical to deal directly with him.

I would have told that bishop that the church has received my request and it needs to be handled professionally. Then I would have told him that if he wishes to not comply I would be happy to file a lawsuit on the basis of harassment.

I'd quote what the bishop said to the police. If you tell someone, anyone, to stay away from your door, they must comply or be considered illegal trespassers.

Good point. And in most states you can legally shoot em!

I don't think I'd go that far. But sending out the pit bulls might be a good option.

and thinks he can demand a written request before he'll leave you alone?

That would pretty much PISS ME OFF.


A couple of options:

1) Show up at HIS house unannounced at dinnertime and ask to come in and visit (oh, except he might actually like that).

2) Tell him that you aren't going to jump through his silly little hoops, and that if they show up again, you'll write a letter to the editor of the newspaper explaining how the Mormons treat former members.

3) Resign, and include the fact in your letter that you were forced to resign so the bishopric would stop BUGGING you at home, without an appointment.

If I were you, I would appear on the Bishop's doorstep at 8:30PM every evening for a week with a couple of 6 packs of cold beer in hand and a few friends for an impromptu party at Bishy's pad, and see if he doesn't eventually get the point.

My sister just sent hers in last week to SLC and it was forwarded to her local bishop. She hasn't been to church in about 15 years and didn't know this bishop from Adam, but he insisted she was making a huge mistake that would affect her eternal salvation. I'm getting close to the point of turning in my letter, but I'm not quite there yet. Yet!

Sonoma, you made me snort :D



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/11/2011 04:03PM by 2lilmonkeys.

The bishop then told him if we want our names removed to send him PERSONALLY a letter stating so. That would be the ONLY way that they'll leave us alone.


what is this, a 30's gangster movie?

can't you see Edgar G. Robinson in the role of the bishop.

see? see?

Like someone on this board suggested to me, once. Have Hell's Angels backing. That would do it.

...that they just made their official yearly contact. They've seen that you're fine and that you still know your way to the church should you choose to go. Therefore you expect not to see them again until April, 2012.

Should they choose to visit your house again before April 2012, you will ensure that they walk away from your door dripping wet.

All you need to do is send him a written "no contact" notice, specifying that if anyone from the LDS church knocks on your door again you will consider it trespassing and harassment and you will press charges.

Include the Stake and Ward specifically in your letter. The church does not own your property, and you have the right to allow/disallow whomever you want on your property. They do not have the right to come on your property without your permission.

Then, if he ever comes on your property, simply pick up the phone and call your local law enforcement while the Bishop is standing at the door. Have a cell phone? All the better, shoot a pic too.

Also, document this visit and any others that happen.

But I also like the 8:30 pm visit with some friends and a few six-packs. If he doesn't invite you in, just sit on the porch and have a few drinks. Leave the empties.

Once you email or mail Greg Dodge in Salt Lake that you have resigned (once the church has received it), you are resigned from the church. Legally. The church can't trump up a case for ex-communicating you and possibly hurting your standing in your community.

Everything else they do or say is them farting around for their own amusement.

Once you send in your resignation to the church in Salk Lake, you are disaffiliated in the eyes of the US Supreme Court. Your Bishop has nothing to say about it. It's your free decision as a free citizen of the United States what odd-ball groups you want to associate with or not associate with.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/11/2011 05:28PM by derrida.

No one has the right to harrass you, whether you are a member or not.

Local church leaders have no business pushing you into making any decisions before you are ready.

Either ignore them or don't let them in again. Or go the law enforcement route.

I do somewhat know a little about the harassment, coercion, manipulation, etc., but nothing compared to the magnitude you inactive, former etc. members endure(d). It's not fair to you or your family whenever you tell someone "NO" in your own home and they still can't or won't accept it. And I still can't help but wonder if "everyone" in this "well oiled" place is ordered by superiors in LDS to harass people. You know they are aware of it and of it's magnitude of harassment. It's not fair that you cannot be in your own home and the bishop, rs, etc. has to come by unexpected as well as uninvited. If I had joined and had been asked/told to do that(intrude on people) in all honesty, I don't think I could have done it.

I sent my letter to SLC, which was then forwarded to my local bishop. He called and insisted on an "exit interview," and I simply told him no. He then said he'd sit on the letter for 30 days so I could cool down and think about it. I told him that my letter expressly stated it was effective immediately, regardless of what he decided to do with it. I had no more trouble with him.

However, I am still a Utah resident and consider the occasional Missionary or Relief Society visit a geographical hazard. When they come aknockin', I simply don't answer the door. Even if they can see lights on and shadows moving around, I simply don't answer and don't engage. They always always leave after one or two rings.

(Use lots of cuss words. It makes them uncomfortable)

You know what? We are not under any obligation to have you come visit. Stay the F*&^ away. The next time you come I'm gonna call the F*&^ing cops. Then I'll call the F*&^ing newspaper. You WILL leave us alone, not because we resign, but because we tell you. Now get the F*&^ off my porch!!!!

Thats what I'd do if I wanted them to leave me alone. Personally I'd LOVE for the missionaries to show up here.