I was a TBM for 46 years until I left the church in 2001. Even though I have not stepped foot in an LDS chapel since then, I am still dealing with the emotional baggage of having grown up in the church.

I have gone to several therapists with the hope of trying to address and heal these emotional scars, but with limited success. I have no regrets in leaving the church but it was only after I left that I realized how much the church had fucked with my mind, Does anyone have any suggestions or ideas for purging this toxicity from my soul?

MP

Hello MP,

Glad to meet you and to be able to offer what understanding I can to your situation. Congratulations on moving away from tssc and finding your own way.

I KNOW its tough, have been there myself and still after 20 out of tscc still catch myself occasionally slipping back into 'mormon mindset'.

BUT it is very seldom now and I have thought through a lot of my previous thinking. First of all PLEASE be very kind to you. Remember that you did the things you did and thought the things you thought because you honestly thought it was right. Now you have discovered otherwise you are doing otherwise. PLEASE know that that is VERY commendable.

It will take time to over come everything, perhaps at least give yourself a month for each year you were an active, practising mormon to overcome some things. It may take more time, it may take less, but you will do it. Just please rememeber that what you are doing is worth it.

You are getting professional help and that is great, now give yourself time and lots of healing thoughts.

I am with you every step of the way. Is there anything in particular that is bothering you that it would help to discuss here? We would all be happy to do what we can for you.

I am dealing with similar stuff still as well but it has died down compared to where it used to be. Maybe try acupuncture, it helps with PTSD i have learned. Also maybe try EMDR therapy it helps with PTSD as well and traumatic memories. In my opinion anyone that was born in the church has PTSD, that religion is f#cked up, almost everybody has had something very traumatic happen to them in that church and are still paying for it even if it is buried deep down. Hanging out with normal athiest people that you can be your real self around or feel comfortable around helps too i have learned.

I was in therapy, too. There's no one magic bullet or pill that will wipe away all your brainwashing.

It helps to divide your toxic problem into smaller sections. For example, my worst problem in the beginning was anger, so I did a lot of venting, letter-writing to abusers (which I never mailed), acknowledging that I was criminally abused (my Mormon ex tried to kill me) and that childhood beatings (spankings) had left scars, and so on. Each person's individual problems are different. Take them one at a time, because confronting everything all at once can be overwhelming.

I think my one most severe problem was my lack of self-esteem. Mormonism breaks you down, forces "humility" upon you. Mormon women are treated as second-class citizens, Mormons believe in polygamy in heaven, I couldn't get a temple divorce from a thug, because I was female. The men and women both are overburdened with stupid, useless busywork, then criticized for not doing enough of it, or not doing it right, or not being in the spirit, and are blamed for anything that isn't perfect. Why am I telling you this--you were in it for 46 years!

The self-esteem issue is why Fluhist admonished you to "please be very kind to you." At the heart of Mormonism is the dis-belief in unconditional love. Members learn to beat themselves up for not being perfect--and no one on this planet can ever be perfect--and the self-loathing is perpetuated. Learning to love your self is the first step in recovery, and was the hardest step for me. I'm still trying.

You can stop yourself, whenever you think a superstitious thought, such as, "Apostates will never be happy. They are doomed for outer darkness." You know this is fiction! At the same time, you can see Mormons shunning you (their version of outer darkness) and maligning you. You know this is not paranoia--Mormons are doing this to most of us apostates. The most painful shunning often comes from family members.

It was easier for me to concentrate on my own personal psychological problems, and to let go of trying to maintain relationships with the Mormons who were unkind. I also had to concentrate on my work. Luckily, I had nice work colleagues and non-Mormon friends.

Don't try to change Mormons. I had to let go of most of my Mormon relationships, as they were abusive and toxic.

Think of ADDING TO your life, rather than having lost something. Mormonism never did leave an "empty space" in my life, because my life was already full. Being free of the cult gives you more time to do what makes you happy--and it's OK to be happy! Let go of that old Mormon myth that you need to suffer in order to be exalted. That's hogwash! "Man is that he might have joy!"

You have been through Hell and back, and there's nothing wrong with enjoying the fruits of your labor. Enjoy the 10% pay raise! (I still need to ease my conscience by doing charity work--only this time it's REAL charity work, not just working for free so a business can profit.)

Love is the answer. Love yourself. Love the many, many really good people out in the world. The world outside of Mormonism is a friendly, happy place. Congratulations on getting out!

I would recommend you find something like a hobby that you can really enjoy. It will take your mind off the mormon church, and it might bring meaning into your life.

We're fellow travelers on a similar journey.

I don't believe there is a surefire way to undo all the damage belonging to a cult for the formative years of our lives.

It has come down to me learning to cope and accept the things about my upbringing I cannot change. Including those aspects of my character and development that made me who I am as a person. I accept myself where I'm at.

My upbringing wasn't all bad. I learned from some very devoted teachers and leaders who taught goodly principles for living. That aspect of my upbringing, including by my own parents, is what I tend to emulate and revere still to this day. That they believed in false teachings of a pseudo religion, that's the part I've rejected.

I look at having been Mormon as having been Amish sometimes. In the Amish world when you separate yourself from it, you are cut off from the community. It's a chasm between being Amish and mainstream society. In Mormonism there are some close parallels. One of the obvious differences is that Mormons espouse living "in the world but not of the world." Yet the shunning is pretty much the same when you leave Mormonism.

Therapists are limited in what they can do for you, I've found. The ones I've met with over the years are not trained in cults per se. But the most effective ones I've worked with are those who are honest, objective, and have compassion. Empathy too. That has helped me bridge the gap between my Mormon past to learning to thrive as who I was meant to be. God delivered me from Mormonism.

I see life as a journey, not a destination. Where we've been, and our upbringing only defines us to a degree. It's who we become and where we are now that matters most IMO. But that doesn't erase the past or our history. Nothing will. I find myself practicing the Serenity Prayer quite a lot these days: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference." Letting go is part of the Serenity Prayer of things we have no/little control over. They don't define us btw. We do that ourselves.

Mormonism WELCOMES the function & role as Wedge between people, most obviously family members.


The evidence is well-documented.

As a young LGBTQ+ youth that has been raised in the church, I do believe that it is toxic. The church puts these unreasonable standards on you, expects you to be this prefect white and strait. if you d feel attraction towards the same gender they tell you to pray abt it or ignore it, and god forbid if you have any type of gender identity crisis that leads you to identify as something other that what's on your birth certificate. I also hate the fact that they say women have all of these important roles in the church when in reality their only goal is to do house work and sever their husband and keep him happy and give him kids that he will never dare to help with, because that's what's taught to be the wife's job.

Please leave it. There's a joke in there somewhere.

"...their only goal is to do house work and sever their husband and keep him happy and give him kids that he will never dare to help with, because that's what's taught to be the wife's job."

Uhh.. just where did you get the idea that you may have toxicity on or in your soul? I mean them's is some pretty serious charges.
It sort of borders on witchcraft, don't it?

Okay okay, enough with the joking around a bit, albeit at maybe your expence.

I reach out to the ones leaving, only because it helps in building more community without toxic Morm-ØŽism in it, if just a little tiny bit..

It also helps to ground me to my roots as well as remind me of how far I've really come, along the way.

Alright, this next step is just not going to work. The real Jesus teaches you can live without (FGS) fear, guilt and shame but you've had enough of Christ in The church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (small "c") and really, I get that!

You're going to be fine now, you're home.

Their water of life is polluted. You have to filter it before consuming it. What would Jesus drink?

I like listening to Richard Dawkins, he tends to explain complex things in the most simple ways. He sets my mind at ease.

How selfish of you.