My daughter (and 5 year old grandson) met and married and ex-mormom in a span of 18 months. Once married, they announced they were moving out of state about a 16 hour drive away because "they" no longer wanted to live in the warm climate and wanted to live someplace with good schools. In a year time, my grandson was adopted by my daughter's new husband about 2 weeks after I visited them while on my way back from a business trip. I also learn at this time my daughter is pregnant. 2 weeks after the trip, my daughter informs me we will not be able to see the babies until her and her husband have had their own personal time with the baby's and they will let us know when that will be.......and we must be covid vaccinated and have other vaccinations (all of which we have and my daughter is aware of). I did not respond at the time since my daughter was diagnosed bi-polar a few years ago and it appears she is not on her medication. I waited a week and let her know by text that I was disappointed and hurt over the lecture and mandates she had given me (by the way, when my grandson was born, my daughter and him lived with my wife and I and we did most of the heavy lifting to raise my grandson for nearly 4 years......my daughter is now 29)....The outcome of my text was my daughter blocking me from all communication which includes my grandson. I contacted her husband and he informs me my daughter is not bi-polar and does not need medication...he states she was mis-diagnosed (she had that diagnosis after 30 days in an outpatient program prior to my grandson being born). He claims she has gone through extensive counseling where they now live and she has been diagnosed with PTSD as a result of her upbringing which is aimed at me. He also informs me that he, my daughter and grandson are now a family unit and it would not be good for me to have interaction with my grandson. I was a single dad and raised 2 girls from the ages of 4 & 5. I have no idea where all of this came from and all of a sudden. I advised my daughters husband I will seek legal advise and he informs me that once I do that I will create an potentially ir-repairable condition. I am trying hard to block out the ex-mormom stuff, but am struggling to understand what the heck is going on. Need advice.....is this some type of condition that should be expected of the mormom life......or am I just facing life issues with my daughter.....by the way, my other daughter thinks my daughter is crazy

I don't have any advice. Remember, we are a bunch of unqualified randos here on RFM.

However, it sounds like your daughter's new husband is in for a wild ride. I hope he can stick with her and the kids.

Instead of telling her you are disappointed, can you find out from her exactly why she has an issue with you? I hope she will be honest and tell you. Everyone seems to blame their parents for their problems. Maybe you are simply the scapegoat for her to blame.

Nice try, wow!

They've ruined a lot already but you cannot exercise father rights?

Is the the old mormon-ish fear mongering issued to you now?

Gosh, does that ever remark of hang-ons, hold-overs and hang-overs from them acting much too LDS even though they're not.

May I say, Im really sorry this has happened.

I would let your daughter know that you love her and always hope to be part of her and your grandson's life and leave it at that. She needs to know that you will be the way she wants you to be in family matters. Doesn't matter if that is fair. That is all you are going to be offered.

I would say dagny is right about the husband. Right now he is buying what your daughter is telling him and he is in the mode to protect his family. You will get no cooperation from him. IF and when he starts to see the daughter's bi-polar for what it is, then things can turn around. But which way? Be prepared.

In my experience with a few, my non qualified opinion is that Bi-polar people are often very charming and convincing. Many can walk into a room and have everyone gathered around them in minutes and gales of laughter ensue. Only a few of us get to see the ugly side when it happens.

I feel for you. The blaming the parents for everything can be a "go-to" that is often not warranted.

justdontknow Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> 2 weeks after the trip, my daughter
> informs me we will not be able to see the babies
> until her and her husband have had their own
> personal time with the baby's and they will let us
> know when that will be.......and we must be covid
> vaccinated and have other vaccinations (all of
> which we have and my daughter is aware of). I did
> not respond at the time since my daughter was
> diagnosed bi-polar a few years ago and it appears
> she is not on her medication. I waited a week and
> let her know by text that I was disappointed and
> hurt over the lecture and mandates she had given
> me ........

Seems to me you were the one that started the war.

You should have just accepted the stay away conditions and responded that you understood them completely and that you are still excited and looking forward to meeting and welcoming the new grandchild into the family.

Too late to unsay what you said, now live with the consequences.

I don’t think this has much to do with Mormon or ex Mormon.

From situations like this that I have seen, you’ll probably just have to wait this one out. Doubtful that marriage will last.

Very heartbreaking.

Threatening to sue your daughter and SIL was a mistake on your part. That's a nuclear option which would infuriate any parent, and is certain to be a deal-breaker. Further, any such lawsuit would most likely fail. "Grandparents' rights" really aren't a thing.

https://family.jrank.org/pages/733/Grandparents-Rights-Grandparent-Visitation-Rights-in-United-States.html

"It is important to note that grandparents' rights only give grandparents the right to file a petition to visit their grandchildren; they do not guarantee that grandparents will be heard before a court of law."

"Grandparents' rights legally challenge family law tradition that protects parents' rights to raise their children as they see fit. The rights of biological and adoptive parents have been protected by the U.S. Supreme Court"

"In most grandparent visitation cases… U.S. Supreme Court and lower court justices largely have ruled in favor of parents over grandparents"

That makes me very pleased to be a grandfather... in France, where grandparents do indeed have enforceable visitation rights - because (unless proven otherwise, which is possible) it's important for the child to know their grandparents.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/06/2021 01:59PM by Soft Machine.

Ugh… as someone married to a guy who was totally alienated from his two daughters for years and remains estranged from one, I say you may have to wait this out. It’s heartbreaking. So sorry.

This is the only sentence that has anything to do with Ex-Mormonism.

"I am trying hard to block out the ex-Mormon stuff, but am struggling to understand what the heck is going on."

I'm sorry you are struggling. It must be terrible to be so close and then cut off.

In my story I am trying to figure out if my daughters mental state of mind is in question or the mormon background of her husband......

The wall of print kind of pushed me out of your camp and into their camp. Are you The Cat?

Also, what are your other daughter's circumstances, the one who thinks the featured daughter is crazy?  How dependent is the other daughter on your largesse?  In other words, is she in line for benefits as a result of supporting your opinions?

Because, literally, why would she care?

Not quite sure what your first line means, but....My daughter with the opinion has nothing to gain. She is married and preparing for the birth of her first child. She also participated in the month long counseling with the estranged daughter at the prompting of that daughter....also to note, the biological mother was asked to participate in that counseling. My role as requested by my estranged daughter was to sit at the table and listen during her initial counseling because she wanted my support.......my purpose for being in the forum is to try gain knowledge to determine if my daughters mental state has the heavy hand here or is there something more sinical going on and leaning towards a mormonizing tactic. I have not been the perfect parent, but I have been the parent who worked his tail off so his kids did not be part of my orphan and abused life...so i do have perspective.

"... and leaning towards a mormonizing tactic."

You haven't written anything that would have me leaning this direction.

Could her diagnosis or mental health deterioration be partially reinforced with this present and ongoing pandemic?
She didn't likely get any better, right?

The "wall of print" reference has to do with formatting.  You would have been more comprehensible, and less off-putting, with frequent paragraph breaks.

My natural habitat is Cynicsville, which is to normalsville as Shelbyville is to Springfield...or the other way around; I'm not too sure on that particular issue...

You've come to a basically anti-mormon site to complain, again basically, about an ex-mormon, the new SIL. This new SIL is the only person given a religious identity.  

We don't know what your stand is on this particular issue.

Are you a TBM?  Are you a Nevermo?  Same for the daughter in question?

The answers to the above questions could seriously impact how many of us respond.

I'm not sure if you are new here, or a regular poster going incognito for this one. If you are new here, welcome.

I think you made a mistake by reacting negatively to the request for privacy just after the birth, and the request to be fully vaccinated. In my opinion, neither request is unusual or inappropriate. Yes, your daughter lived with you and benefitted from your largesse and generosity after your grandson was born. But she's newly married, has to work things out with her spouse, and the rules have changed to one degree or another.

I would apologize for the way that you reacted, to the husband if your daughter won't talk to you. Tell him that you were upset, but after having thought it over, her initial requests were reasonable (they were.) Tell him that whenever they both are ready, you would love to come and visit your new grandchild. Then let the situation go.

Her husband will see what the story is with her bipolar disorder soon enough. I personally don't think the estrangement will last for terribly long.

It's difficult to say if the husband's former Mormon status has any bearing on the matter. It might not. It sounds to me like he is trying his level best to look out for his wife. It's just that he may not have the full picture.

You are playing a long game, and will need patience.

My boyfriend's daughter-in-law had a baby 3 months ago. My boyfriend did have to be vaccinated and he had to have a negative COVID test before he could see his granddaughter. He had to also have a higher grade mask than most of us wear. He just went to her "naming." Maybe Tevai can tell me what it is they do for girls as my boyfriend couldn't remember. He is a convert to Judaism and his ex is Jewish. He just landed in SLC from going to Colorado.

The DIL didn't get vaccinated. She was concerned about it. She stayed cooped up in her home for most of her pregnancy and she worked at home. The grandparents are the only people who can visit the baby and only once a week with negative testing.

And I don't blame them. I don't think we yet know what all the issues are with COVID and if it was my baby I'd be very careful.

I don't think mormonism is an influence here. Her husband may have decided to have her tested for bipolar and wanted her to not have it. I see this happen a lot in what I've typed. I used to type for a hospital in Colorado Springs. Diagnoses can definitely change. Mental health diagnoses are difficult.

I have been in therapy for over 25 years on and off with the same man. I went to see a general practitioner many years ago now as I thought I had diabetes. He said I had bipolar. I had talked to him for about 5 minutes. I was going to take the drugs and THEN I remembered I had my Ph.D. Psychologist to ask and my therapist was furious that this GP had diagnosed me. He said I'd like to see you manic. You have severe depression and have the whole time I've known you.

So mental health diagnoses are not DEFINITIVE. Bipolar is a hard one to diagnose.

I'd wait it out. Give it time.