Posted by:
scmd1
(
)
Date: January 21, 2022 04:13AM
When my family and I were in the mission field, we attended a lot of the wards and branches. One ward meetinghouse in a smallish town was not far from a facility that might now be classified as "assisted living," though, at least according to the accounts we heard later from missionaries assigned to the branch, no one affiliated with the facility did much if anything at all in the way of assisting any of the residents other than providing them with places to live. The residents of this complex were apparently diagnosed either with intellectual disabilities or with mental health conditions (some may have been diagnosed with both for all I know). Usually two people of the same sex would share each apartment, or so we were told. I don't think there was any common area to the facility other than the outdoor parking lot to a barber shop, gas station and mini mart, and roadside drive in, which doubled as the facility's front yard and residents' gathering place.
Residents of such facilities were and probably still are often more receptive to the LDS gospel than were or are the average residents in any given locale, and soon found their way to the local meetinghouse, which was within easy walking distance. We were there once on an F&T Sunday. I don't wish to make mirth at the expense of those with either intellectual or mental health challenges, but it was apparent at a glance that six of the worshipers that morning were not quite like the others in the chapel, with maybe one exception.
When it was time for those present who so desired to share their testimonies, a few people bore the expected litany. Then a guy I would have guessed to be in his late forties or early fifties, presumably from the facility, dressed in trousers my mom described as salt-and-pepper boys' parochial school pants and a Sioux Falls Canaries jersey (we were well over a thousand miles from South Dakota, not that there's any law against wearing sports apparel from teams out of one's geographical region) and a golf cap, which he did not take off inside the building, went to the pulpit to address the congregation. He announced that he wished to make his intentions clear to the people and that he intended to ask Diana, who was dressed in what appeared to be two or three faux-grass hula skirts tied together, fortunately with tights underneath (he pointed to her as he spoke; she stood and curtsied) for her hand in marriage right after church. If he was hoping for the element of surprise when he officially popped the question, he blew it. He said he didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea about why he was there. I'm not sure why he needed to come to church to propose, as he could have asked her in the parking lot the night before or even that morning, but it was what it was.
Immediately after the Brewers' fan took his seat, another man, considerably older and dressed in clothes similar to what my grandfather wore to work in his yard (which may have been the nicest clothing the man owned; people should be welcome even if they're not wearing the LDS uniform) made his way to the pulpit to announce HIS intention to marry Diana. Diana stood and curtsied again. This guy concluded his announcement with, "In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen," which should have been my first clue that this one might have been an actual member of the ward and not a visitor from the facility, but that went over my head at the time. I think I was about nine when this happened.
Then the first guy made his way back to the pulpit. He said that he didn't want to put anything over on anyone or to be a phony, and that he wanted all of us to know that he smoked a pack a day.
Then the old geezer made his way back to the pulpit to say that no man who smoked a pack a day was worthy of Diana, and that perhaps they should settle the matter outside.
At that point, the bishop announced the closing hymn even though there was still more than twenty minutes left. We didn't stay for the second or third hour.
We learned later from the local missionaries that the old guy - the actual ward member - had never met Diana. He hadn't been to church for several weeks and saw her for the first time that morning. It must have been love at first sight where he was concerned.