One “Daily” disposable contact lens will last a year or more if you just swish it in solution at night and, Voila!, that lens is immortal! Be honest. Tell your eye doc why you need only one little sample--that you are saving for the Holy Mormon Empire. Perhaps your missionary efforts will lead him or her to the True Church.

** A net savings of $360 per year.


Dental Floss: Like a “Disposable” contact lens—one foot of dental floss can have Life Eternal. Of course you want it to be clean each time. Here’s wucha do—use a large needle and weave it loosely into your sock. Wash the sock as you normally would. Dental floss like new!

** 365 days x 10” of dental floss = 3,650” of dental floss. Net savings $1.99 per year.


And, why floss your teeth under those nine, energy-spewing bathroom vanity lightbulbs? Solution: While zipping along in your car, tell your friend you’ll call ‘em back ‘cause you need two hands to floss your teeth (at this point, you may want to pull into the slow lane). I guarantee you won’t chat with that officer with kale in your teeth! Tell him you’re saving cash for your Own Personal Planet (where God lives)! ..... there you go—energy saved!

** Nine bulbs X 365 days per year + .004 kilowatts x some megahertz = (let’s just round it up to $2.)


"Disposable" diapers ? Think again, tithe payers! When properly dried, disposable diapers can take the place of one full cord of firewood.

** Savings: $325.


Water: Water is money, Homies! .


Dishes: An automatic dishwasher is Satan rinsing away your tithing. Solution: Paint each family member’s name on his or her plate. Make them responsible for “washing” their assigned plate as they shower.

** 17 gallons of dishwasher water x 365 days per year = 6205 gallons water @ $.50 per gallon adds up to $3105 per year. Wait—that’s not right. But, you know what I mean.


Gray water washing out to sea? NO!! Use it to water those plants you’ve been trying to keep below the fence line.

See the savings pile up?


Last of all—thrift stores. Everything in my home was *Disposed* of by some hell-bound, money-waster who carted numerous needful things to GoodWill—not giving a single hoot to their loved ones sitting in Purgatory in some shelter. Any fool knows it takes some serious bank to buy purification Mormon-style for our dead ‘uns. Hence, I shore up my dead relatives’ chance at redemption with money I saved at some Junk-O-Rama or another where I buy everything used for pennies-on-the-dollar WITH the exception of my electric pencil sharpener which came from Office Depot. I even bought a used couch off the Methodist parking lot rummage sale just to pry coins and dental floss outta the cushions.

I should mention … our very own Boyd K. Packer said, “Some things that are true are not very useful.” Boyd was talking directly to me!—about my junk-store finds. Should’na let on to my husband that we don’t own a bath towel that we're the original owners of. He rebelled! He said, “If that’s the case, I ain’t takin’ a shower!” .…. hmmmm ….. water saved!

Be prepared for that family bad sport like the aforementioned one. Now, he’s getting a little gamey and eats off a dirty plate!


I’m sure the bishop won’t mind!



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/15/2018 11:34AM by kathleen.

Great stuff, Kathleen :-D

Toilet paper too can be re-used if treated correctly...

Hum.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/15/2018 10:42AM by Soft Machine.

Dryer lint has many uses!
It's clean because it just went through the washer and dryer, Make your own Q-tips!

^^^^^ Yes, that !!!

My husband plans to use ours for the fireplace in our new (rented) home.

I remember reading in a newspaper household hints column about a woman who used dryer lint for childrens' stuffed animals she then gave away as gifts!

Ewwww!

Was this for real? Unimaginable.

/s

Haha. Seems Sister Sylvie is one-upping Heloise. Too good!

Kathleen, did you write this? This is hilarious!!

Yet...very practical.

I loved it that the woman was looking for dental floss in the old couch!

Sill laughing...will be laughing all afternoon!

Yes, I wrote it. Thanks, Breeze.
:)

You are an excellent writer.

When I was a taxi driver, I always pulled the back seat out. Pens, lighters, jewelry...MONEY!

And yes, seriously, I get most of my clothes at thrift stores. Have done so for years. I live in a student neighborhood, and I could write an essay on the free stuff I've picked up during move-out week. Some tenants moved out last August. I carted about five trash bags worth of clothing to Good Will, and brought home about five boxes of usable groceries!

Incidentally, salvage and thrift is "value" you receive and can exploit without having to report to IRS.

Caffiend, you are so right!

I've bought great stuff at thrift stores. I've found vintage Pfaff sewing machines that run like Aston Martins. Picked up Le Creucet and All Clad cookware at Goodwill. At one consignment store I found an impeccable Henreden sofa for a few hundred dollars that the cost over $12,000k new. Just sold my house, and ppl asked if I would leave the furniture. (No way!)

Coworkers and I took our Monday lunch hours at Junk-R-Us down the street, and wore our "new" clothes to staff meetings the next day. The nice thing about used clothing is that someone else already shrunk the thing as far as it could possibly shrink.

Fun to think about who had something before I did. My two favorite pair of bifocals in mid-century frames came from rummage sales. I wonder what books they read.

As I said, living in a student neighborhood, a lot of very usable stuff gets thrown out. People (like us Boomers) like to think that "young people are concerned about the environment." Not so! They don't even cash in their beer cans and bottles for the nickle deposit. A variety of homeless and immigrant people go up and down the street fishing them out--sometimes yours truly as well.

The stuff that gets heaved is everything from dilapidated Ikea to really good sofas. Such a shame. I'm an old Yankee tightwad, and it breaks my heart to see such usable stuff go to waste. Sometimes I just load up the van with bags of ditched clothing and housewares, and just haul it down to Goodwill. (After looking for anything I can use, of course!)

I haven't recycled for over a decade. Not worth my time. Sure, an extra $20 here and there is nice. When work doesn't take up my hours the family and hobbies do. Sifting through trash for cans and bottle isn't my type of hobby.

Sometimes students put out bags or cases of empties. I'll throw them in the back of the car and cash 'em in for grocery money. I've been on very hard times, too, and went out canvasing the money to much-needed food money. I'm grateful I don't have to do it in a serious way.

Most of the serious canpickers are (usually Asian) immigrants and homeless.

I'm not sure that I would hand in a can or bottle for a deposit, but I would happily recycle it. My community has excellent single-stream recycling (everything can be thrown in together, it does not need to be separated.) It helps our community to save money on trash collection, and therefore keeps our HOA fees down.

This is hilarious, Kathleen.

You have a gift for writing.

:)

Thanks, Amyjo!
:)

Chatted today with our local GoodWill manager and asked if handicapped folks are hired and, importantly, are they paid at least minimum wage?

She assured me that yes they are paid minimum or more.

I have heard that not all GoodWill locations do that. So, it's best to call ahead and check if that is important to you. It adds to my joy of donating to them.

Nobody voted for higher gas prices, any more than anyone voted for $2/gal gas when the pandemic hit.

Crude oil prices are set in the world market, and they are high everywhere right now. Well, except in Russia I would guess.

But you knew that. You just saw a chance for a cheap shot.

He's also revealing he's OK with being a thief, to add to his other redeeming qualities.

Ever since my poor graduate school days I've practiced what is termed, "reactive braking," meaning that, when possible, I allow at least three car lengths between my car and the car in front of me, and adjust my speed mainly by taking my foot off of the gas pedal as opposed to braking. I watch what the car ahead is doing, as opposed to solely watching the brake lights, and keep a consistent distance between us. Sometimes I will watch the driver ahead of me brake a dozen times or more while tailgating the car in front of him, while I simply watch and take my foot off the gas pedal as needed. You do have to look out for drivers behind you, since some of them rely on brake lights to control their speed. I won't do it if I can't see the headlights of the driver behind me. But I've also seen some drivers get respectful *really* quickly, and keep their own distance accordingly. I've been driving this way for close to 30 years. Why pay top dollar for gas only to waste it?

My Dad used to walk a 2 mile circuit everyday and carry a plastic bag with him and collect aluminum cans along his route.

He'd get home and crush them down and fill a large garbage bag with them. After several weeks he'd have 6-7 bags of crushed can, so he load them up, drive 60 miles to a place that would pay 2 cents a pound more for the recycle than the place where they lived.

Then he and Mom would go to an all you can eat buffet and spend their free money and feel great about it.

Never mind the cost of gas or the wear and tear on the car, it was some of their enjoyment.

The other joy they took advantage was going to funerals of people they didn't know just so they could get free eats at the reception after the services.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/14/2022 05:12PM by tumwater.

I started measuring everything. That prevents me from over-using stuff like laundry soap and coffee and butterscotch morsels.

Easy on those morsels. ;)

My nephew is a professional chef, and he puts many things on a digital scale.