I haven't a clue where to begin with this story, but as with most of the stories written by non-mormons, this is long and one of confusion and sadness. Certainly not for my own sake, but for someone I know who is mormon.

My very best friend in all the world has decided to return to that church. At first, I thought this would be a great thing for her, but after what I have seen, I don't think it has any good in it. She used to be bubbly, happy, funny and cheerful, even in the hardest of times. When my grandmother died, she came over with ice cream and listened to me wax on for a good hour, then clapped me on the back and said "enough of that. Life is for the living to muddle through, the dead already beat it!" and it made me laugh precisely because it was the sort of thing my grandmother would have said. That was just who my best friend was. Always on the bright side of everything. She loved puns and dirty jokes and she never sat still for a minute unless it was to comfort a friend. She could sit for hours and hours when it came to giving aide to another.
We were closer than sisters. We worked together, talked on the phone every day, even did our volunteer work at the same place, just to be around each other while we did our bit of good in the world. I never once saw her when she didn't have a big smile on her face and a totally lame joke to tell, that would make everyone laugh due to its lameness. even covered in cement dust from helping to build habitat houses, she was radiant and still funny. She loved to come over and try out any new recipe I had for cookies, cakes or any other sweet treat, because she had an insatiable sweet tooth and she never gained an ounce on her tiny little frame. She was the most innocent mother of three I've ever met.

Then, she met this mormon guy. He said a lot of crazy stuff about the end times and building an underground city out of old shipping containers. He would say a lot of cloak and dagger type stuff about how his friends would call him up to go assassinate someone, but his moral fortitude wouldn't allow it. He would ramble on about how he knew ways to kill people in which he would never be caught.
He would also say things about having the 'keys to the kingdom of heaven' and could give her 'eternal exaltation'and something about how it wasn't too late for her, even though she had 'fallen away'. This guy completely freaked me out, and I told her so. However, she wouldn't hear it. They began dating and within two weeks, they married. The next time I saw her, four days after the elopment, all of the joy, exuberance and cheerfulness had gone out of her. She looked utterly war-torn. That's the only way to describe her expression. She seemed like one of the soldiers in the VA hospital, just back from war. Wounded, shell shocked, disillusioned, separate from reality and the world around her, totally within herself.
She stopped talking at work, stopped calling me at home. She knew I didn't like her marrying this guy, and I was angry with her for doing it becasue I could see that this guy was, for lack of a less religious term, purely evil on the inside. He smiled and said things in flowery, pretty words, but the content of what he said was disturbing.
He said that he could lead her to heaven, make her worthy of the blessings and ordinances she wasn't able to receive now. He sounded like Jim Jones, to be perfectly honest, he also seemed more concerned with death than a mortician.
Even though it had only been about a week since they married, I was extremely concerned. I talked to some other mormons I knew, but they all seemed to think this was great honor for her; soon she would be able to go to the temple and receive her endowments. I wrongly thought that this had something to do with money, since she used to do a lot of charity work before she met this guy, and I thought they would help her build a charity or some such thing.

No one was talking about what going to the temple entailed, but i got the impression that they all felt like this soul sucking experience she was going through would all be worth it once she got to the temple. So, the time came and she went. She seemed really excited to go, so I was at least a little relieved that she seemed happy about something again.

When she came back to work on monday, she was back to being withdrawn, except that now when she talked to other mormon people, she would put on this creepy fake smile that looked like the one the crazy clown murderer has in a bad horror movie, and now she says the scary stuff dressed in pretty words. It was as though they snatched her, ripped her to shreds, took her off somewhere and badly reconstructed a robot version of herself, who only smiles when she's in front of other mormons. To everyone else, it's obvious that this is a fake, desperate smile, but the other mormons seem to think she's actually happy. It amazes me that they don't see the pain in her eyes or the agony she's in. Her new husband walks around the office, parading her around like she's a trophy he's just won, and the other mormons are practically giddy with joy while she looks silently terrified, with this desperate smile on her face. The non-mormons just stare at each other. We are all extremely concerned, but if any of us outside of the little group ask if she's okay, she just says bizarre things about how she now has a testimony of the fullness of the gospel, and how grateful she is that she has the oppurtunity to receive the blessings of her heavenly father and enjoy the bounty of an eternal family. It sounds like it's a nice thing if you heard it from someone who didn't look like they were dead on the inside, but she and all the other mormons repeat these phrases word for word, like a psychadelic song that keeps skipping. "One of us, one of us, one of us."

It's as though everything she was, everything God presumably made her to be, was erased and replaced with an automatic recording. All of her individuality is gone. She quit volunteering because she doesn't have time due to 'callings' at her church, but they don't seem to benefit anyone, especially not her. If she sees someone struggling or suffering, she seems like she actually enjoys watching them suffer as do the other mormons, since they clearly enjoyed watching her squirm. Even her friends from her women's society were this way. They seemed to absolutely revel in the pain of others.

I have been grieving her loss as though she has died, quite frankly, because she has. she's just a vague shadow of herself. It does strike me as odd how so many of these full-on mormon men and women look so similar to the dead at a wake. The body is there, the person is gone. The original walking dead, to be sure.

but the dangerously defective person she's married. What you described is a psychopath, sociopath, and/or narcissist. You were right to be freaked out. He's probably very abusive. When she starts talking to you about it, assume it's worse than she lets on.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/28/2013 04:49AM by munchybotaz.

I agree - it really sounds as though she is on the receiving end of some terrible abuse?

I'm never mo too and I watched someone I love dearly change as TSCC got their claws back into them, and it is like he has died, I don't recognise him in his actions or words any longer. But what you've described sounds like someone who is afraid, rather than someone who is in the depths of some kind of spiritual rebirth (or death as I personally viewed it!) ?

does she have to front to the other mormons so that no bad words get back to her hubby? have you been to their home? have you seen how they interact outside of the office?

perhaps you could just ask her "are you ok?" and let her know that you love her and miss her? give her a safe space to tell you what is going on, and keep that safe space there for her no matter how long it takes?

I agree with munchy to a point - the worst of her problems is the nutter she has married.

But the religion is likely to exacerbate the problem. She won't get any support or sympathy from the Relief Society, the Bishop or any other members. From their point of view, and as per Spencer W. Kimball, any two good Mormons can make an eternal marriage work. She is likely to be receiving the message, implicitly if not explicitly, that any problem with the marriage or the husband are due to herself not being worthy or faithful enough. The very short engagement is pretty standard for Mormons who think God talks to them and that compatibility is a nonissue for good Mormons.

She will need some nonMormon friends to help her pick up the pieces when and if she has had enough. The best you can do is be there for her, let her know you will support her regardless, and wait it out.

Mormons also suck something out of people when they're near you.
I have this friend thats a mormon and whenever hes near me he starts sucking something out of me, and ill always feel very tired. He gave me a book once and tried to convert me, but I wasnt gona fall for the evil. The mormon church is pure evil. These people target weak looking people, suck the soul out of them, and befriend them, and then finally convert them. They destroy families, destroy peoples identity, and suck and suck and suck for their selfish needs. They are truly scary. the mormons are a devil religion, maybe related to the lizard people, as they try to build an army of evilness.

Consider this: Happy people do not enjoy the misfortunes of others.

I'm sorry that you lost your friend. Her husband sounds awful. I would let her know that she was always there for you when you needed a friend to talk to, and likewise you will be there for her if she ever needs someone to unload on. Then metaphorically walk away.

It's the Mormonism mixed with her new hubby's sociopathic personality that's making for a toxic combo. I have some TBM relatives that are super awesome and I feel bad that they are so brainwashed. But I also know many TBMs that are absolutely toxic people because of how their messed up personalities mix with Mormonism. It creates sanctimonious assholes. It sounds like your friend is under some kind of spell. I hope she can snap out of it.

I REALLY wish I could disagree with all the above
BUT I CANNOT