A CBC article I saw today relates the experience of an American woman who at the age of 17 became pregnant and whose parents wouldn't allow her to have an abortion. She gave birth to the child and then he was adopted. She writes about "the weight of my grief" that never dissipated as promised.

Despite her now having a relationship of sorts with the boy, years later, and having introduced him to the two other sons she has had since she married, she speaks of still feeling equivocal about not having been given a choice by her parents.

She happens to have been part of a Mormon family, which caught my eye. I note that her therapist later stated that the way she had been treated (implying by parents and church) was "abusive". See what you think when you read her description below of what she was told to convince her of the reasons she should continue with the pregnancy.

I have to say I was not expecting the ending she wrote in her article. I thought she was going to say she was happy she didn't have an abortion, especially as she has now met her firstborn son. She gives us a very personal glimpse into how complex and excruciating the entire experience can be, whichever way one chooses.

I've read her piece three times now and each time it makes my eyes water. I feel for her. Her experience shows that there can be plenty of pain and loss either way.

I mentioned in another thread that I am not "pro"-abortion - because I can't help thinking (independent of religion) that if you go ahead with a pregnancy a child will be born (absent complications). But I have to be pro-choice, in the context that every individual should have the right to make their own decisions in this regard. Pro-choice when I apply it to myself doesn't mean pro-abortion, but rather that every individual should have the fundamental right to make their own reasonable life choices, despite what I or anyone else thinks, feels or believes. What business do I have blocking clinic doors, literally or figuratively, preventing other women from accessing services they have chosen to seek out? It can be a tough position to be in and it can seem to others that I'm dawdling in the middle of the road. But I guess 'middle-roader' is my second name (and Pollyanna is third - thanks LW).

Contrary to what some rabid anti-choicers seem to believe, many women do not choose lightly and do not escape heartache if they proceed with termination of a pregnancy.

Here are some excerpts from the above-mentioned article that give a glimpse into how the aftermath of pregnancy, delivery and adoption went for this young woman (and she is decidedly not alone).


CBC - May 10/22:

“I love my son, but I wish having him had been my choice”

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/first-person-i-love-my-son-but-i-wish-having-him-had-been-my-choice-1.6445027

Excerpts:

“A daughter in a devout Mormon family in Alberta newly out of high school with a bright future, I found myself pregnant at 17. My future would be forever altered by what came next.

“They told me that abortion was murder and worse than becoming pregnant outside of wedlock. That God was testing my faith.

“They told me the pregnancy was an act of God, for the sole purpose of giving that child to a couple who was infertile. They told me that if I chose to keep the baby, I would be selfish, inflicting a lifetime of harm and hardship on him.

"They" would be my parents, their religious leaders, and the adoption agency.

“All of the things they told me, I'd find out years later, were half truths, or sometimes, just bold lies. However, the biggest lie they told me?

“That I would get over it.

“After the adoption, I latched onto anything that would help me feel better about the fact I carried my son for nine months and then gave him away. The weight of the grief I felt didn't dissipate either. I just learned how to cope with it. It didn't take long before it had settled deep into my bones, hiding how deeply it hurt from everyone.

“What was originally diagnosed as postpartum depression was reassessed and diagnosed as post-traumatic stress disorder. My therapist said the adoption and the way I was treated during it was abusive, exploitative and ultimately traumatic.

“I fought the diagnosis at first, claiming that I was OK with the adoption and that I had done the right thing. But talking to other women and other birth mothers like me changed my perspective. I wasn't alone. We all carried this lead balloon, which never got lighter.

“I might have carried my son for nine months but I have carried the trauma of that lack of choice for 19 years. It will never leave me.

“That 17-year-old girl who had her bodily autonomy stripped away, who was forced to continue an unplanned pregnancy, deserved to be told: Let's talk about all your options so you can make the best decision for yourself. Ignore everyone else. You deserve to have a choice.”

-----

This comment by her parents is completely, utterly outrageous:

“They told me the pregnancy was an act of God, for the sole purpose of giving that child to a couple who was infertile."

Which scripture were they looking at?

What kind of God do they worship?



You. Deserve. To. Have. A. Choice.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/11/2022 08:16PM by Nightingale.

Great article, I love when people come out with these stories and hope it helps to change some people's minds...

There are a million different angles and stories one can take with regards to abortion, and some people will never care because all they care about is the "person" in question who hasn't even been born yet, or doesn't even have any ability to exist outside of the womb.

Anti-choice people can be so heartless.