I have belonged to an online meditation group which meets Sundays at noon via Zoom for the past 2+ years. These are local folks in SE TN. We had in-person meetings prior to covid and then went 100% online. It is a secular humanist oriented group though there are few who are Christian. The group consists of doctors, dentists, educators and a wide spectrum of individuals. We meditate for 20 minutes then open up for discussion, which is usually about books and discuss excerpts from books. We end with a short meditation after the discussion.

At the end of last Sunday's session, one individual said he had a Mormon joke. It was quite lame about how being a Mormon can make life appear to last longer as it is so boring. One of the doctors then asked, 'Hey Eric, weren't you once a Mormon? Was Mormonism really that boring?' I replied, 'The phrase I heard repeated the most when I was a Mormon was - "endure to the end" '. The group broke out into laughter with one stating, 'What kind of recruitment enticement is that?' More laughter.

Sigh.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/20/2022 01:11PM by Eric K.

Eric, your reply to the doctor was epic. The recruitment enticement comment is hilarious. I can see why the group laughed. It sounds like it was good-natured.

Seems like once a Mormon it's difficult to shed that skin.

You can't help what you were born into. But at least you got out which takes brains and guts.

It's more embarrassing having 'converted'! I'm even embarrassed at RfM because duh. I never even tell people IRL and my family knows I had Mormon friends but not that I actually joined.

How can you tell you made a big mistake? When you don't even tell people about your new church, even after you've left.

Because it *is* embarrassing to have actually chosen it.

Your meditation group seems like fun, Eric. The laughter sounds friendly.

I am not embarrassed by it. A lot of people did dumb shit in the past.

It sounds like a joke made in fun, but I also in with a much different crowd.

I try not to be, but I am overtaken sometimes with regret and embarrassment at having joined the Mormon Church at age 20, while in college.

Logically, I can list reasons why genes, family influence, and a host of other factors led to my decision to embrace the gushing positive attention and love bombing; and proudly be baptized.

But I look back and cannot help but flush with embarrassment at how gullible I was when it came to the church, while priding myself at learning how to think critically in other areas of life.

I wish I hadn't insisted that my fiance look into the church with me. She was skeptical. She was rightly taken back by my gullibility. But she relented. I knew the church was true.

I can relate, kenc.

This is pretty much the only place I talk about it and even though I'm anon, it's still embarrassing! Especially when BICs say how ridiculously stupid converts are for having joined. Yeah, but you're the guys sent out by the so-called-truest church to cajole, persuade, evade and LIE to get people into the tank in a big huge rush and then drop them and move on.

I know the missionaries are young and under compulsion to do what they do and say what they say and I can accept that. But I do wish exmo BICs could try to refrain from judging people who fell for the scam. Because that's what it seems like it is. And with scams you don't usually play Blame the Victim.

If I sound bitter or angry, maybe I am, a bit.

And the sad bottom line is that it's not altogether the individual member's fault or the convert's but the fault of the church leaders who have a lot to answer for, even though BIC themselves. Surely they know all the ducking and diving that goes on, and what their bottom line really is. $$$$$



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/20/2022 02:27PM by Nightingale.

I like your remarks. They resonate with me.

At some point BIC people reach a stage of maturity and rationality after which we are responsible for every single moment of our Mormon lives, particularly because we have seen so much more of the church’s underbelly.

You have less to feel embarrassed about than we do.

Nightingale Wrote:
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> Surely they know all the ducking and
> diving that goes on, and what their bottom line
> really is. $$$$$
===============================

Embarrassment would be seeing clearly this, yet continuing to play: "hey, I'm deluded with the rest of you" to remain in "good standing" i.e. choosing hypocrisy, living the lie, abandoning oneself.

Hey, we had the courage to see what's real and spine to get out!

To be clear, I meant the top leaders must know. Hence the changing terminology & on smudging previous history and policies. Surely they make decisions based on expediency. Like politicians who are entirely focused on the next election and not on what's good for the little people.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/21/2022 04:39PM by Nightingale.

In some ways, I probably felt more embarrassment when I was a Mormon than I do now.

On those rare occasions when religion comes up these days, I say something like: “I spent the first 50 years of my life as a very devout Mormon. These days, I’m a born again agnostic.”

Great story. Nice to see other know about Mormons.

Makes me remember my favorite part of Sunday. Opening the doors on the way out when meetings were done and I could escape the cinder block walls painted Navajo white. The sunshine felt twice as welcoming in that moment. It was over for a whole week.

Well, except another hour and half at 7 for SM. Oh, except for Mutual on Tuesdays. Oh, and, home teaching. And, oh fudge!--next Sunday is Fast Sunday.

But at least I had the rest of the day and my horse.

The Mormon church seems even kookier when you're an exmo trying to describe your experience as a Mormon to a nevermo.

I'm finding that it's best to keep my Mormon past to myself. It's not so much that I'm embarrassed but that I feel that nevermos just don't get it and judge me.

Well, I'm a nevermo, and I don't judge someone for having been Mormon. For the BICs, it's their culture and their tribe. For the converts, they were sold a vision of a wholesome, welcoming community with good values.

A good friend of mine converted in high school. I believe that the missionaries caught her at a vulnerable moment, when she was home with a chronic illness. Like most young women, she dreamed of having a husband, a home, and a family. She bought the shiny vision that she was sold so assiduously.

I do get it. But what you are sold, and what you get, are often two different things. And as we know, Mormonism has a lot of darkness at its core.

Similar here, Summer. It's how cults work. Before coming to RfM, I frequented an anti-scientology forum. The details were different, but the techniques were the same. And those who convert are often those who want to do the most "good" but whose good intentions are hijacked and perverted by the cult.

And, if you're here, it means you saw through it all, which is much more difficult than it appears from the outside.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/21/2022 02:10AM by Soft Machine.

I thought it was a good joke and as you people know I'm a dreaded hated vilified persecuted TBM and part time victim. Trouble is Mormons and some ex Mormons can't laugh at themselves.
As they say in Tuscaloosa Y'all need to chill out.

Poor Phil, you did not understand my post. I did not feel persecuted. Just a bit of embarrassment. I expanded the joke for additional laughter at my own expense.

This doctor has become a friend. He attends my jazz performances when I play in Chattanooga.

It would have been funny and harmless if you were a believer. I wonder sometimes if Phil is just channeling an underrepresented group here.

in b 4 ~ the girls in the class were laughing at you and not with you OPie ~

PHIL Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Trouble is Mormons and some
> ex Mormons can't laugh at themselves.
> As they say in Tuscaloosa Y'all need to chill out.

I don't know about Mormons. But exmos at RfM are talking about their experiences within Mormonism, most of which weren't a lot of fun (understatement), decreasing enjoyment of life, all with a side helping of being so negative they require actual recovery time for many.

So laughing isn't always the first go-to reaction, understandably.

Even so, there's plenty of goofing off and laughter in some posts here. Maybe you've missed those.

This board is for recovery from life-impacting negative religious experiences. Discussing them **is** a form of "chilling out". This is just a tiny sliver of the life of an exmo. Plenty are likely pretty chill IRL.

I sometimes like it when this stuff happens because then I get to make fun of it as well and it feels validating. Half the time when I use the word “mormon” here in the UK, people have no idea what the hell I’m talking about. So most people don’t know i used to be mormon because it’s exhausting and painful to explain. I end up embarrassed then.

The exception is going to Skeptics in the Pub; I get the opposite experience because they’re pretty clued in to such things. I tell everyone I used to be mormon, and they all go “oooh! tell us more?”

I keep my former membership a secret. After moving away from the Intermountain West, where nobody ever thinks that Mormons are nearby, I've heard exactly what they think of Mormons.

Pretty much admitting you were Mormon from my observing would have everyone present thinking that you are so naive and stupid. If they knew that you were one, they'd keep it pretty nice. But when they are sure that there are none to be offended, then you hear what they really think.

I simply don't want them to think that of me, even if they were playing nice to not be rude. so I pretend that it never happened.

I found a way to talk as somewhat of an expert by saying that I took an Anthropology class in university about Mormons. Which was true. That lets me diss on it, without giving it away that I was one.

Perfect response, Eric K.

One time I responded:
"Yes, I was raised Mormon, but then I grew up and and found out what they actually believe."

The coworker got a good chuckle from that. I think humor is the best way to handle inquiries about having been Mormon.


Once my boss whispered to me, "Hey, we have an auditor here from Utah. Can you use your Mormon spidey sense to tell if he is wearing those magic undies?" We both laughed. When I got in the room, I could see a garment smiley line and nodded yes to my boss. She almost lost it.

That's funny.

I wasn’t a good mormon and so I enjoyed my time as a mormon.

Eschewing the ‘downer’ commandments, like tithing, doing your home teaching, repentance, etc., probably contributed to my enjoyment.

And when I was single, it was proven to me over and over that the movie, “Mormon Girls Are Easy”, was 100% accurate.

You failed to include the fact that being a Lamanite might have played into being easy.