Are we posting "against" mormons or are we posting "about" mormons?
When we post about our experience with mormons and we post about how they deceive and abuse members are we posting against them or merely stating facts that hopefully lead people to freedom and maybe healing.
I neither feel better or worse for posting. I don't do it to feel better I do it to help others.
I think that church leaders have been harming innocent people since 1830 and that their continuing efforts to grow the church, aka harm more people, need to be fought, even if there is no Exmo retirement plan.
I may start posting more useful posts for a change if there is glory to be found. I think i may have healed enough to start making some sense for a change when i post but i can't promise anything haha.
I think i have grown a bit. At least i have an opportunity to grow outside of the control and smothering of religion and its 'people'(i swear everyone is pretending in there haha just putting on a fake show and performance with the fake smiles). At least that was my take on it all when i was in and around it. Felt like i was watching a bunch of actors when around 'family' and 'leaders'.
Um, i came to the conclusion that 'they' benefited when i was struggling or speaking my two cents against them. They never gave a d@mn how i felt or what i had to say anyways so i vented most of my frustations here on the forum in the past because no one cared how i felt or what i had to say while in that environment or in the operation as i always called it. They are all narcissists at least in my 'family' of origin. So it really does not matter what you say to a group of narcissists trust me i know this better than most. So i decided the best move although hard was to walk away and never look back and cut out everyone from my past. Try to rebuild myself and rebuild a new identity and find a life outside of all religious influence. I admit that this has not been easy as i had been codependant minded for most of my life but going to Alon-Anon meetings has helped me a bit in this regard and has been helping me to see life in a whole new way. Like i said this road or path is not easy at all. It is walking towards the unknown for sure.
Doesn't help me i just want to be totally healed from the entire experience like yesterday haha but everyone knows i have been trying different methods to heal for quite a while for the last 5 or so years. Some things work better than others as far as tools to strenghthen and heal oneself. Although i do admit having been discouraged lately that the healing road has gone on for as long as it has for myself.
I was never a true believer but i was just born into it and pretty much along for the brainwashing or mind controlling ride as a hostage basically is how i felt. Anytime i voiced i wanted to exit the religion there were threats and also invisible threats to keep me in place as the family scapegoat whipping post bs basically that i never signed up to be in the first place.
One of the biggest lies Mormonism perpetuates is the one of freedom in religious bondage. It is the succor of a slave. It is there church of Jesus Christ of latter-day slaves.
I did feel like a true slave while i was in the operation and in the 'family'. Like cattle being led to one class after another and sitting in meeting after meeting after meeting after meeting, well, you know how it went haha. I swear they have gathering addiction or meetings addiction. Part of my biggest struggle since escaping has been snapping out of slave mind or even child mind. A mind that can't think for itself and needs to be told what to do constantly to feel ok or 'safe'. Basically needing external validation all the time. I have gotten a little better in this regard but has taken time and effort for sure. The mind definitely does not start firing and working correctly right away and being independant thinking right after exit. It takes some working out of the mind muscles for sure. I got so used to not thinking at all and just being numb that its been hard to reverse and become unnumb. I realized that the ones that think the religion is awesome are the ones who take advantage of the ready made slaves or the ignorant and naive who have no clue what was happening around them or what was happening to them. People that like to be slaveowners of other people basically and like people to submit or be a subjugate that pays homage to them think the religion is awesome. It is truly messed up to be innocent and naive caught in this hell of an operation with no way out or not feeling like there was an out as i did. In some ways i feel my mind is still trying to find a way out to freedom like i am in a labrinth that the operation put into my mind. My mind definitely did not find instant freedom even though my body escaped.
Not only did you escape by thinking for yourself, you recognised the abuse and cut them off as well - that’s a huge achievement for several reasons. You’ve probably watched all the interviews featuring Dr Ramani. To therapists she recommended a book called’The gaslighting recovery workbook: healing from emotional abuse’ by Amy Marlow-Macoy…although it sounds like you’re half way there already. But I’m finding it really helpful. I have all the ‘knowledge’ but can’t quite get my brain back to normal on my own, if that makes any sense(?)
That definitely makes sense. I have seen a few of dr. Ramanis videos about the scapegoat in the past. Seems like the scapegoat endured just one big long decades worth of a gaslight from everybody. The hard part is teaching yourself that everything they said and did towards you throughout most of life was just one big lie and getting your mind to really understand that. It was more about them then it ever was about me. They never really even knew me the entire time. Figuring out who i am outside of the scapegoat role has been hard because i don't really know much else but i am developing and growing as i keep going.
Talking about experiences with Mormonism serves the tried and true function of defanging something by "talking it to death."
The word recovery actually bugs me as I don't relate to that concept with regards to leaving Mormonism.
Wounds you recover from. Illnesses you recover from. Brainwashing you emerge from. By discussing it you begin to understand it and are able to own something that once owned you.
All of my immediate family being strict Mormons enabled me to not want what I can't have. That was key for me. I understand that idea wouldn't work so well for someone in a marriage with a Mormon.
I actually would rather be an ExMo than a NeverMo. I have had a lot of disparate off the wall parts of my life and Mormonism was one of them. As a conglomerate, I like Mormonism being one of the chunks.
I can imagine you having fun pretty much anywhere old dog. As for me i did not have fun in the religion besides a few good friends i made when i was pretty young. I hated the religion part but liked the friends i made part.
Same here. Although I’m questioning if I should even stay in touch with them at all - any contact with mormons triggers me a fair bit still. But I had some fun times in ysa which made up for the difficult time I had as a teenager. Also, as a convert you are treated like “gold” for a couple of years, but then that wears off and all the other labels come out, and those are not pleasant. I think mostly I confused everyone. On the one hand I was a poor single mother who wasn’t even married when I got pregnant; on the other hand I knew the Book of Mormon inside out, went to the temple, taught lessons in church. I was completely sincere and yet punished for it. It was somehow an absolutely horrible existence. Mormon relatives continue the same treatment still: punishment no matter what you do, unless it’s exactly what they want, and I suspect it’s as prescriptive as mormonism itself.
Abuse.
As for the question of does it help to post against mormons, for me it feels necessary and is helpful to a point. I might be going off on a tangent here and missing your point EB, but for me this question relates to a philosophical(?) question I have regarding psychotherapy/counselling: at what point is continuing to talk about the past still helpful, versus just re-traumatising the client/serving no purpose? I don’t know the answer. But it’s been on my mind because I once recommended a popular book to a friend called “Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving” by Pete Walker. This friend reported that his therapist did not want him to do the inner work involved because it would just re-traumatise him and nothing more. Yet it’s apparently helped many people and the theory at least is groundbreaking. I might have more insight once I’ve read it properly but for now I don’t know.
There is the motivation to warn and support other people though. I have an ex-mo Facebook friend who is very vocal and I wish I was that brave. It’s incredibly validating to read, especially knowing that mormons are seeing it too. He is unbothered by attacks and arguments and I’d love to be like that.
I recommend cutting everything and everyone out that is connected to the operation or religion that could remind you of it. The friends i still talk to have left that religion long ago. For me living as if all 'family' of origin is dead is difficult and even traumatic in itself but is absolutely necessary. You definitely hit a point where talking about it is like hitting a dead horse and i admit i already hit this point a while ago. I am even past the reading books and watching videos in this healing stage. Right now i am trying something totally new for CPTSD since counseling and meds didn't really work for me in the end. It is called theta healing and it is supposed to rewire your brain around all triggers. It won't erase the traumatic memories though which i wish it did but maybe the memories remaining are a good thing so you stay away from dangerous people or operations. The two years of them making you feel special is called lovebombing which is a typical tactic of cults and even psychopaths or narcissists as well. Crazy the similarities between the tactics of cults and the tactics of a psychopath. My biological 'father' is a psychopath and is why i studied them for a while for a couple of years because i kept getting targeted by them outside of family of origin also. Mainly i studied their tactics to protect myself to know if i was being targeted or lovebombed again by yet another one. Anyways, after the lovebombing ends the real hell begins and you get treated like crap and knocked right off that pedestool that they put you on. It really is some messed up stuff and you end up feeling like a thrown away tissue paper that they found on the side of the street. Anyways, i gotta go but good chatting. Later. Seems we have had similar experiences.
I will look into this therapy you mention; you might be onto something. I for sure realised a pattern and am also very familiar with narcissistic people and sociopaths. I will be considering what you have said, and how very brave of you for doing that. Later..
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/27/2022 03:21PM by Third of Five.
Elder Berry Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > And why do you think that is? If Mormonism is so > bad, what is there to mourn? ===============================
Anger is a "phase" of the process, some folks still are - probably the easiest phase
It’s like leaving an abusive relationship: You mourn it ending because you loved that person, but you also have to mourn it from start to finish for not being anything that you thought it was. Then anger kicks in because you were abused. Eventually you celebrate being free and you move on.
Unfortunately, it’s not possible to move on if an abusive ex-partner is still stalking you, or recruits other people to do so. And there’s the rub. I would not be here if the emotional abuse, slander, shunning and discrediting had not continued by people brainwashed by this cult. If a religion can make loved ones think that behaving like that is righteous and good and is ‘god’s will’, then it is harmful and dangerous. I resent it, yet at the same time I think it might be a wake up call.
Third of Five Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > It’s like leaving an abusive relationship: You > mourn it ending because you loved that person, but > you also have to mourn it from start to finish for > not being anything that you thought it was. Then > anger kicks in because you were abused. Eventually > you celebrate being free and you move on. ================================
EGGzactly
-- and your "world" needs to be reconstructed from ashes
We're simply a community of people who understand where each of us has been in dealing with the Mormon Church. We have that in common.
Some are still dealing with it because it's not possible for them to leave right now. We are in various stages of recovery and have the same hopes of being able to move on toward a healthy life, free from the Church.
Some of us already feel recovered, but we like to help others who are at the beginning of their journey. We're just here offering support.
We're not sitting here plotting its demise. We're just trying to recover.
I’d argue that plotting its demise would not necessarily be a “bad” thing. I suppose it’s just not achievable and there are more important things in life; that’s an individual choice.
"Plotting the demise of the mormon church" is probably a stretch, but I think that having a hobby involving theorizing and/or daydreaming about the demise of the mormon church is probably okay, especially if you're retired, and you have the wall space available for pinning up your lists, charts, maps, and photos.
you've been here a while but I'm not sure how far back you go. I go back to the beginning. 96 or 97 around there when there was like 12 to 15 regular posters. Back then, Mormons would come on the site and we'd have brawls with them. The site now is tame by comparison. It is a recovery board though. If taking a shot at those that have hurt us helps, I say go for it. I've long since stopped being angry but I still get a kick out of watching others worked their way through the process.
You didn't answer a simple question and one that really didn't have a right answer. So what if your answer is yes? Is that a problem for you? Is enjoying your quest to right the damage you did something wrong? Do you need to not enjoy your quest?
schrodingerscat Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > It’s an abusive CULT that’s still actively > harming others and I feel an obligation to undo > the damage I did by unwittingly spreading its > lies.
It’s possible you did no “unwitting damage” to anyone, if our experience with you here on RfM is any gauge. Wouldn’t that be a relief?
Not going to name names, but it is pretty obvious some here have adjusted to post-Mormon life better than others. Some of them clearly have issues, but it's worth pointing out those people rarely post on Mormon topics anyway - they're usually proselytizing for something else.
I think it's useful to talk about Mormonism sometimes, but there are some people who haven't moved on ten or twenty years down the lines.
I can sincerely if not honestly say that while I fault the rank-and-file ( including some of my children) for supporting ChurchCo & its lies, I don’t feel animus against them…
Leaders who are in on the con are a different story.