"Feigning belief in this dear book I am waving has allowed me to achieve my wildest dreams. For play-acting my entire life I now receive an incredibly generous monthly living allowance, my wife and family and I dine at the most expensive restaurants we can find, my house has been fully paid for, all of my First-Class travel arrangements are completely paid for, most all of my routine day to day travel is done by Limousine with an appointed driver, I can go to any Car dealership on the planet and pick what I want and have it paid for on the spot with my bottomless Church Approved Chase Credit Card, any and every expense that I generate or desire is covered with no questions asked, I can take a Vacation every quarter of the year to any exotic destination of my choice on the planet with absolutely no out-of-pocket expenses on my part, my children receive full-ride scholarships to any Church school of their choice along with all other miscellaneous school expenses covered, but most of all, when I speak, millions of gullible MorgBots around the world listen to me with baited breath as if they think that I know what I am talking about versus the reality that my life as a lying-weasel-compassionless-charlatan has been bought and sold many times over by LDS Inc. Oh and did I mention that these same foolish people think I'm an Apostle of the Lord Jesus?"
On a hillside buried under a rock I found something special inside this pouch, if you would all put on your spiritual eyes we can have a look at what the pouch contains.
This is the case I keep my "sacred" Operating Thetan Level 3 documents. I wish I could tell you about them but I hold them sacred and have promised never to reveal them.
"I believe, with every fiber of my being, that if I continue to brown nose and kiss ass that the Lord will transform the skin on my nose to be as dark and rich as this leather scripture pouch!"
"Brothers and Sisters, what am I bid for this original 1830 edition of the Missing 116 Pages of Nephi? Do I hear five dollars? Two-fifty? How 'bout a buck ninety-eight?"
Sorry, GLA, no caption. I just had a sickening memory from Ricks...
Bednar held his scriptures up at every Tuesday devotional and the students were suppose to hold theirs up too in a silent solidarity. He always had these little rituals and if someone didn't know about them or clue in he'd be visibly pissed and had no problem reeming the offender.
Holds the precious blood of innocents, and it will keep you young and vibrant like me!!! You too can become an independent business owner, selling infant human blood and changing the lives of millions. The first step is selling the product to a swath of gullible stay-at-home moms. Dazzle them with the lie that they are at the top of the pyramid, as opposed to simply an insignificant spec in your inevitable down-line. If you get really rich, we'll give you a pink Cadillac, some useless melaWTFuckoffuh health drinks, and a free subscription to Stampin'-Up magazine.
"I hold in my hands borthers and sisters, one of the most precious items ever held by human hands. It is a rare curlom skin scripture carrying case and it was given to me by an angel - Mohonri. He said Moroni was busy.
In this box I hold a pair of pioneer implants hand made by Brigham Young for a sister who couldn't afford a proper boob job, so he made her a false set out of pine.
wooden tit be great if I had a punchline to go with that ..?