You all are much smarter than me, I'm only the smartest person in a room full of Mormons. ;)










Go! It's going to be a tough contest but eternally not worth it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/01/2022 05:03PM by Elder Berry.

We believe the Bible to be the word of God as far as it is translated correctly; we also believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God, as far as it is translated correctly.

We believe all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things that are in direct contradiction to things he has already revealed.

We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law. Well, unless the law forbids polygamy, or the destruction of a printing press, or anything else that might be inconvenient.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/01/2022 11:24PM by CrispingPin.

We believe in being honest and true. Well, except for when truth isn’t useful.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/01/2022 05:33PM by CrispingPin.

Love this.

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence, phrase, or larger discourse is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax.

As in, "Take my wife...Please!"



"Heavenly father would kill me if we had sex, but you're worth it!"

Is it still a paraprosdokian if the reversal is just implied? For example,

"EOD is a unique man, eloquent, insightful, good looking. . . "

Sounds like gospel truths to me...

Missionaries should be allowed to date nonmembers if it could result in baptisms ... and tithings!  But no going beyond second base.

Okay, okay.

"EOD is a unique man, eloquent, insightful, good looking, but he's never been past second base."

Happy now?

Right now Second Base is looking pretty good . . .  And thanks for the offer.  But DR1 gets first crack, que no?

Well then, I'll try another implied paraprosdokian.

"EOD tells everyone he's a great Latin lover. . ."

Or is that just a riddle?

There is beauty all around when there's love at home, unless your dad is choking you because you don't want to go on a mission.

When the leaders have spoken, the thinking has been done, unless you think for yourself and come up with something different.

Everyone of mission age must serve a mission, unless you refuse to go.

The new Sacramento temple is wonderfully close, which enables me to go less often.

Kathleen, racking up the sins of omission!

This is why you f'ing won the f'ing short story contest!

Now, now.

We gave you a paper crown from Burger King and some leftover Halloween candy, so at least you could accept defeat with grace.

I've been on a zero-carb diet, EOD . . . Right now I'd swap my trophy for a pottage of your candy corn.

Yeah, I'd think twice about that. The candy corn is four years old and came from my daughter's sock drawer.

EOD's probably eaten it already anyway.

Lot's Wife Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>The candy corn is four years old and came from my daughter's sock
> drawer.


On this diet I’d say, and that matters, why ?

Hahaha. You almost sounded Mormon.

Jesus wants me for a sunbeam.... unless I shine a light on the BOM.

I hope they call me on a mission..when I have grown a brain cell or two...to teach and preach that the LDS doctrine isn't true.

Love your sunbeam Paraprosdokian. I can see a precocious child in my mind.

I have an unshakable testimony that the church is not true.

Shinehah - I would have stood up and applauded if I ever heard that testimony in the 18 years I had to sit through church. Hysterical!

I'd love to attend a fast and testimony meeting with that testimony.

With pride I’ll lift my head and say, “I am a Mormon boy” — just to piss Rusty off.

Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 08/04/2022 01:59AM by Kathleen.