A lot of people on RfM have posted about how freaked out they were by what went on in the temple. But let's face it; a lot of that stuff is just plain funny, too!

We've heard a lot of stories, many including breaking wind during the endowment, etc. I've even shared my own story about m-ing in a mens lockeroom cubbie after a session.

So, break out those funny temple stories, whether they be old or new...

Provo Temple around 1981. We were newly-weds in the "Newly-wed and Nearly-dead" Provo 7th ward. Had a temple "excursion" as they called it and went to the temple with many ward members. Some were REALLY old.

Anyway, about half way through the endowment the film broke or something and they couldn't get it to go again. Bro. Jensen got confused and yelled over to his wife Rose: "Rose? What's going on? The movie stopped!" I forget what she said but his reply was "Well goddammit! We better go cuz the grandkids are coming over." He stood up, she stood up, and off they went to see the grandkids.

Funnier than hell.

Ron

i think we were in the ward at the same time

Really? Hmmm.... could be.

After I had done my washing and anointing, I got dressed and went out to sit in the bride's room with my sister and mother-in-law. I started feeling like I was a little too free and easy. Yep, I had forgotten to put on my bra, what with all the other new underwear I had on. Ran back to the dressing room I had used to find my bra hanging on the hook. After I put it on over my garments, I felt constricted, which I should have taken as a sign. Mormonism constricts people.

Sitting in the first room at Manti (live days), and we were delayed for some reason. An old fart temple worker pops his head in the door and shouts "What's the damn hold up. I have to get home to feed my damn cows."

I had to supress laughter the first time I saw the true order of prayer in action. For a minute I half wondered if they would have us break into a rendition of the hokey pokey.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/14/2011 03:57PM by luckychucky.

Atlanta Georgia 1993-I was getting married. A week before the sealing I had a medical procedure and I was on percocet. So needless to say I was higher than a kite the whole time and apparently I giggled ALOT!! My mom who is a TBM thought it was hilarious. I remember very little, just bits and pieces like my "name" but apparently tought it was very funny.

one week at the MTC.

All of us had gotten done and changed and went out.

Anyway, the last Elder was finishing up, and went into the women's locker room instead. He didn't notice or scramble out immediately because it turned out that he didn't see any ladies in there until after he had showered and was in a towel looking for his locker that he ran into women temple workers.

We laughed our asses off at him.

I was sitting toward the back. The woman next to me looked beyond disinterested.She told me she had a hard time staying awake during temple sessions (surprise).

She asked me if I could wake her up for "you know, all that stuff" and she raised her arm to the square.

She then slouched a little, laid her head on my shoulder and softly snored through the entire movie.

I have been to the top level of the Washington D.C. temple. I want to say the Solemn Assembly room is what it is called. I thought it would be awesome, nope compelety pointless. One Giant room, with way too much white and little contrast.

We had some GA and the Temple Pres. speak to us and that was it. I think it was some sort of Q&A session, it has been a few years ago.

My comment was: "Why is the room such a mess?" I was told to keep my voice down.

We had to attend a session after that, and it was very late in the night before we arrived home. It sucked!

It was strange and eerily white. I walked up the stairs after a session to take a look and the door was locked! Guess I lack the necessary appendage to view the "sacred" room. And why would Jesus need to lock anything. Are there locks in heaven?

LOL

Provo temple, early 80's...ward temple night..an old frugal guy replaced his plastic liner in the baker's hat with the plastic lid from an ice cream container....which we could clearly read through the cap "Meadow Gold Vanilla Ice Cream". Really hard to keep the giggles at bay!

Clearly large man in changing room cubicle next to me trying to get his 'clearly too tight' white trousers on, exclaimed "SHIT".

Matron on door of endowment room checking all the name slips, newly endowed sister walks up to her and when the matron holds out her hand to check the slip, sister shakes the matron's hand cluelessly and is massively embarrassed when the matron just asks her for the name slip (we're brainwashed to shake everyone's hand).

Getting reprimanded for taking a youth group to do baptisms at the temple and letting them play with playing cards in the temple (even as TBM I thought that was funny).

Seeing an old guy in endowment fall asleep and then suddenly wake up and stand up when he shouldn't have. Sat back down and soon dozed off again.

Doing proxy sealings and family surname of 'Hair' came up - few normal names and then we all completely lost it when we had to repeat the full name of a daughter with the old English girl's name 'Fanny'

That reminds me of several members who wrote in their diaries about Fanny Alger (Smith's squeeze) having to climb trough the window of the "Upper Room" at the Nauvoo temple with the help of Smith's body guards. I don't remember if Emma was after her at that particular time because, why would she not use the door? but I LOL'd trying to visualize that.
Ah! The 'holy' temple! Yeah-- right!

Manti temple pulled on the pew infront of me to help me stand...they aren't bolted down. Three little old ladies infront of me had their little booties up in the air as I gently lowered the pew.

Had big ass Utah hair...while walking up to the alter my veil broke and flew over to the man section. They wouldn't let me get it. I had to wait for one of the old men to slowly....very slowly get it for me and then they had to figure out how to get it to stay on my hair. Ended up getting me a rental.

Another "pew" story. Doing sealings, hot, uncomfortable, trying not to look at my husband at the time because we looked rediculous. The sealer turned the page and read very slowly, "Pewwwww, Poooooooh, P....E.....U....". We couldn't stop giggling and were asked to leave the room.

As an elderly temple worker was giving us the various tokens of the priesthood, she passed gas the whole time...LOUD GAS! A young lady, early 20's could not help but laugh. She laughed for at least 30 minutes.

I'm racking my brains and I don't have one single funny temple story. That sucks.

...I was thinking, "If this is what I have to wear in heaven, just send me to hell now and get it over with."

One of the Elders was at the alter holding hands with a hot red-head and I was jealous. After a dozen or so names had been sealed the elder just fell back on the floor with his eyes open staring at the ceiling. I was certain he was receiving revelation or something the way he just stared. But no, he just fainted. The old fart officiator just stopped what he was doing, straightened out his legs and waited for him to come around. He told us this sort of thing was a regular event at the temple.

I was number 19 of 24 brides being sealed at the Salt Lake Temple that day. I got so angry with all the temple workers. They were more interested in making sure things went according to their plans rather than making it a special day for the brides to be. At one point I swore at the worker who had been assigned to help me get ready. (Either damn or hell. I don't get much worse than that.) After my sealing, I had been assigned a new temple worker to help me undress. She was deaf.

Seriously how do you go to the temple more than once??? I had the worst time not laughing. My husband continued to go and I asked him each time how he could stand to go back. I think at the time I was a major disappointment to him...thank goodness he came around. I feel really bad for all of those people that are buried in those awful outfits. The last time that they are seen by their loved ones they look ridiculous. By the way...non temple worthy people see these outfits at a funeral...why is that OK? I thought it was all supposed to be secret. Just wondering...

Wife of patmarrob

on wedding day, we take DW to the veil to have her give me the new name. We're told this is the most sacred experience of the entire sealing ceremony and this is the most sacred place on earth.

When the time comes for her to tell me "through the veil", she messes up, forgets the name and then mispronounces it and then ... starts giggling.

These were my TBM days -- I was SOOOOO embarrassed. I thought we were going to get struck down for laughing before the Lard.

Pretty funny in retrospect.

The funniest thing I ever saw at the temple occured during a baptism for the youth session.

The temple president came down to the font to see a member of our Bishoprick (a real asshat second councilor) who apparently was a family member by marriage and he got too close to the font, slipped and fell in. What was funny was that he tried to stop falling in and ended up dragging the councilor in with him!

It was hilarious. They were seriously pissed, which made it priceless.

Reverency & respect for authority went right out the window! LOL

when I went back on my own a few months later to try and make sense of the creepy experience (DC Temple), an older woman apparently kept messing up on one of the many steps or handshakes and we all had to stop several times while the matron assisted her. I remember thinking is the dead person up there looking down saying, "Come on, come on, this is my eternity you are screwing up!"

What a bunch o' crapola.

Hand reaches out from behind the veil. Guy has tattoo on his wrist with a dotted line going across his entire wrist and the words 'cut here'.

Two old ladies at back of full session kept annoying the heck out of everyone, kept putting their hands up moaning about being too cold (stop session and matron goes off to get them shawls) then being incredibly slow to get dressed/changed into robes, then rustling wrappers of mints they kept stuffing into their faces and chomping on them noisily. You could just sense the clear annoyance of most people in the room and half the guys kept giving them evil stares. If they had even attempted to be part of the prayer circle, I wouldn't have been surprised if half the other participants might have sat back down.

Witness couple kneeling at altar. Guy completely dishevelled and robes all over the place, revealing half his butt-crack. Hard to imagine him representing Adam at the altar..... or if you look at it another way, perhaps the perfect representation?

In the Salt Lake Temple. I was a young convert and impish--loved to shock people, wore miniskirts and velvet purple boots. It was the 70's.

They kept pulling me aside for this or that, saying I was "distracting." Once my lipstick was too bright. Another time I had a colored bra on, which was not allowed.

This time they actually pulled me out of the session to tell me to remove my hair clip. This was one of the kind where you twist up your hair and run a stick through the hair and the clamp. I could not resist...

Being newly from Babylon I did a full-on porn movie imitation where the woman unpins her hair, shakes her head (usually in slow motion, so I slowed it up) and runs her fingers through her long curly locks, ending with them riding on her boobs.

I said, "Better?"

Both old ladies mouths were open with shock. It was glorious!


Anagrammy

anagrammy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> In the Salt Lake Temple. I was a young convert
> and impish--loved to shock people, wore miniskirts
> and velvet purple boots. It was the 70's.
>
> They kept pulling me aside for this or that,
> saying I was "distracting." Once my lipstick was
> too bright. Another time I had a colored bra on,
> which was not allowed.
>
> This time they actually pulled me out of the
> session to tell me to remove my hair clip. This
> was one of the kind where you twist up your hair
> and run a stick through the hair and the clamp. I
> could not resist...
>
> Being newly from Babylon I did a full-on porn
> movie imitation where the woman unpins her hair,
> shakes her head (usually in slow motion, so I
> slowed it up) and runs her fingers through her
> long curly locks, ending with them riding on her
> boobs.
>
> I said, "Better?"
>
> Both old ladies mouths were open with shock. It
> was glorious!
>
>
> Anagrammy

Love that story!

Ah, if only I had been alive in the 70's. I think we would have got along great.

I was officiating a temple session in the Oklahoma City Temple. In the front row was a young man with his father-escort. The young man was attending the temple for the first time before leaving for the MTC.

During the entire session I kept my eye on him to see how he was reacting to the new experience. His eyes darted around as he put on slippers, robes, sashes, hat and apron. Then did all again but on the other side.

Then at the end of the session, the entire company lifted their hands high above their heads, and while lowering their arms repeated the words" "O God, hear the words of my mouth."

This proved to be the breaking point for the teenager. He began to laugh hysterically as he saw friends, family and strangers lifting and lowering their hands while chanting dressed in white robes and green aprons. He couldn't stop laughing. His dad did his best to quiet him and his mom looked over from the other side with a horrified look on her face. Yet he kept laughing.

Finally I had to hit the pause bottom to stop the continuation of the endowment film. He stepped out into the hallway with his dad and the other officiator, gathered himself and then came back in and finished. I've always wondered if he stayed active or ever went back to the temple.

@skeptical -- did you know the temple pres from oklahoma who left the church a few years ago? Any stories / insights that you can share

I know him very well and still consider him a friend. He is very private and quiet. I consider him to be a very devout and fundamental Christian. I am atheist.

He doesn't speak about Mormonism much.

@skeptical and chesney -- do tell more. Don't get into private details if you can't but:
1. What happened in oklahoma that caused 3 (?) Temple workers / leaders to leave?
2. What was salt lake's reaction to the local apostacy trend?
3. Do you think or know of similar trends at other temples?

I was sealed there in the early 2000's. I am a devout Christian as well now but I am still in transition. Would he be interested in talking with me locally about Christ? Specifically to change my DH.

http://www.utlm.org/images/cumorahletter.gif

He asked the location of the Hill Cumorah to the upper 15.

I actually asked if he wrote the letter and his reaction was not very welcoming. I assume that's why he moved to our ward. I finally left and he never spoke to me again.

His son in law was a very cafee mormon and was the one to ask the question. Still a believer though, strange....

Nothing ever happened funny to me but my dad did on his first temple go around.

At that time black people were still considered decendents of Cain. He gets all the way through the temple and at the viel a black hand reaches out to do the handshakes.

He said he pulled back because he was told they were bad.... Said it took him a few seconds to realize it was a dark skined Tongan.

Looking back he said it was the first time he started to think "what the hell" about the church he joined.

Anubis

Proxy sealings. The families were all foreigners, and the officiator reading off the names was having problems figuring out how to pronounce some of them. At one name he stumbled around over it, trying a couple of pronunciations, and finally muttered, "...or whatever the hell it is!" When everybody looked a little shocked, he said, "Well, God will know who it is!"

Heard about this one from a close TBM friend rather than directly witnessed it.

So a small scrawny father is with his daughter at youth baptisms, he gets in water anticipating his daughter to be next in font but very large, no, actually a humongous lady enters the baptism area and pipes up that they forgot to complete one of her family file names from earlier on. Person officiating allows this big lady's baptism to proceed and asks scrawny dad to do it while he's already in the water. Big lady gets in (creating waves).

All goes very quiet. All the other young women there are intently watching and waiting for the inevitable. He tries to dunk her - she bends her knees and goes under the water but there's just no way he can get her back up. In fact, in attempting to do so, he looses balance and ends up on his back in/under the water.

She's thrashing around like a whale, water going everywhere, both struggling to get their footing and get back up. Youth laughing out loud and even the adults present are laughing. She finally gets back to her feet, chews out the scrawny guy for dropping her, he's had enough and gets out the water and they then send in two larger guys to repeat it again properly.

I wish I had been there....



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/15/2011 04:35PM by sherlock.

For my own personal, live endowment at the ripe age of 19, still in eager mode for going on a mission, I sat between my dad and a guy known for his burping. Honestly, during the 1-hour endowment he spent half an hour constantly burping. To this day I don't know how all that gas could possibly fit inside his stomach. The other half hour he snored - LOUDLY.

I don't think I caught very much of the ceremony thanks to that, which helped ease my first impression as well.