Get a big pot, a very big pot. Start off with two full cans of Haughty. A bottle of Greed. You can find this in the me, me, me isle. Add a packet of Secrecy. Chop up a fat head of Ego and dump in. Add two cloves of Smug. Sprinkle in a hefty dose of Entitlement. 2 cups of steamy Gossip. 1 Soaked Sausage, thinly sliced. Grate in some Essence of Boredom. A pinch of Guilt.
Mix this thoroughly with a Forked Tongue. Set aside to ferment, shouldn’t take long.
My TBM parents made it like that and added a cup or two of judgement, several tablespoons of shame, a full container of obedience, several cups of ignorance, two handfuls of envy, three whole stupors of thought, a pinch of exaggeration, the juice of 2 worthiness interviews, and I think they used some hot peppers because it always made my bosom burn.
If you want to be ready for the return of Jesus, you can add two years worth of wheat and a bushel of vain repetitions and store it away for the end times.
>> I heard you can substitute regular temple attendance . . . <<
Yes you can, just be sure to use the corresponding amount of bad breath. It's also best if you cook it wearing a green fig leaf apron and a bakers hat with a string tied to the shoulder of your shirt.
If it gets too thick, use some water from a font on the back of 12 oxen.....you can substitute using about 100 of those little sacrament water cups in a pinch.....just give the deacons a few bucks and one of your old playboy magazines and they'll hook you up!
When I was a kid, I always ate mine with one hand tied to the bedpost. As an missionary, we could only eat it in the presence of another missionary. If it spoiled and was no longer safe to eat, we added a vial of olive oil and it was fine.
sunbeep Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Mormon Stew: > > Get a big pot, a very big pot. > Start off with two full cans of Haughty. > A bottle of Greed. You can find this in the me, > me, me isle. > Add a packet of Secrecy. > Chop up a fat head of Ego and dump in. > Add two cloves of Smug. > Sprinkle in a hefty dose of Entitlement. > 2 cups of steamy Gossip. > 1 Soaked Sausage, thinly sliced. > Grate in some Essence of Boredom. > A pinch of Guilt. > > Mix this thoroughly with a Forked Tongue. > Set aside to ferment, shouldn’t take long. > > Did I forget anything?
I cook mine over a gaslit flame. The longer you wait, the more intense the gaslighting becomes
-Two dozen cans of cream of lies -Seven large dollups of contradiction -two gallons of hypocritical-to-the bone stock -One quart of fear -Two and a half ears of coercion, wrapped in a thin layer of denial -one two inch thick slab of impossible expectations marinated overnight in regret, chopped into bite size cubes -A pound of addiction to approval -Three boxes of keeping up appearances (with a cup of keeping up with the Joneses, for texture)
... To be sold for 10% of the customer's gross income, most of their free time, and their mental and emotional stability.