I have tried a lot of different things over the years but mainly things that could heal the trauma that i experienced in religion plus family of origin. I still don't know a whole lot about myself other than i like to read and be alone and be in a peaceful living environment instead of a chaotic and traumatizing environment that i had experienced growing up. Taking it slow and saying no to things that i feel pressured into i think is solid advice for me at this point in my life. Some say i am just damaged goods at this point but i admit that it is mainly myself that thinks this. A couple of friends i made in the last year do not think i am damaged goods to just be tossed aside and forgotten about. Anyways, i am a pretty dang good delivery driver i will say that much. I think i was born naturally to do this but i do feel that i could be challenged to try harder professions for example. Anyways, its been a long trek for me as everyone knows. Have i healed a bit and maybe gained ground and matured a bit into almost being a real man? Maybe. Some say i am a healer of some kind but i have necer really pursued this type of road. Could i help someone heal from trauma? I do believe that i could. Even the heaviest and worst kind of trauma i do believe i could help someone heal from because i have been able to heal my own trauma a little bit. Anyways, I'll keep trying as always and keep staying away from toxic environments that i have already experienced.
Adam, we are all "damaged goods." We come into this word tabula rasa and then our lives imprint upon us weaknesses as well as strengths.
Sometimes our weaknesses become our strengths. It is damage that creates empathy and, assuming the wounds are not totally debilitating, enable us to help others. You're making that transition, and doing so with humor, which is a high-level psychological defense.
Remember that laughter is a source of power: when you can laugh at what has happened and those who have hurt you, they lose their control over you. And then you can take the next step, reaching out to people who are still trying to process the shit they have encountered.
You'll help people in your life. You are almost certainly already doing so. And you'll just get better at it.
Although on the less funny side, your dad didn’t give it to you because he didn’t have it to give. Maybe his effed up religion took it from him. Either way, blaming him only hurts you. It keeps you stuck in the past.
You still have an attachment because you can't stop talking about your dad.
Its been the hardest attachment to break because a trauma bond or a stockholm syndrome was formed during a traumatic event that he was the vause of and i was at the receiving end of.
From the past posts that i have read of yours it sounds like you understand psychopaths the most on here and have the most experience with them so you understand my father in a sense as all psychopaths exibit the same patterns or playbook to all victims as they trap them when in the same house and devalue and discard the victim and try to hoover the victim back later on to be abused all over again. That was the cycle that i was in and am trying to break with no contact from the psychopath father. I am trying to heal from all a psychopath did to me over all the years plus with religion. It is a ton to try to heal from because of how brutal being abused by a psychopath over many many years is.
Every survivor that i have talked to that has successfully escaped a psychopath has told me the exact same thing that i am experiencing now. Despite relocating and blocking them on all devices they still struggle to detach and get the psychopath out of their mind for years and years. How the psychopath does this to your mind i am not sure whether its the heavy love-bombing you experienced from them or the constant repitition you undertook while being with them in religion for example. The constant conditioning of treating you like some object to be used and then thrown away when your energy dries up or some slave or pet to be controlled under their thumb.
Not sure but it definitely is not your run of the mill abuse and they are still probably trying to locate me as we speak as all psychopaths like to keep track of all previous victims that were tossed aside like tissue paper and discarded like they were not even human and then later try to reel the previous victim back into the psychopath's hell on earth.
Zipper will probably tell me to stop talking about psychopaths so much. They are definitely a reality in mormonism though.
Alright alright got to keep the focus on myself and my healing road away from all that nonsense first and foremost and keep trying to build a new and better life separate from it all both mentally and physically.
I do believe you are right and i have touched on something profound and very much a reality in my life as almost everyone around me chose religion or jesus or god over just being a d@mn father to me or a real mother to me or being real sisters or aunts and uncles and cousins. Almost all chose the d@mn religion above just being a real friend or something. Even the one i thought that i was going to marry chose the religion first and said she would only marry someone that went on a mission. That was a big blow to me because i already knew i fid not want to go on a mission as i did not believe ib the rekigion or church at all. How could i possibly teach it if i did not believe it and it made no sense to me from a young age. I felt truly forced into doing thibgs that i did not want to do just so a woman that i cared about would marry me. But, long story short she chose to marry someone else that did go on a mission and i did go to her reception and it was yet another of many big blows that happened as everyone around me chose the charade religion over giving a d@mn about me. Hell, i even felt god forgot about me and did not give a d@mn like everyone else if there even is a god. A god that stands by and just watches blatant and constant child abuse i still don't really care for. But anyways, it is a very heavy and close to the chest topic as i lived this pattern over and over and over watching everyone choose religion over doing the important things. My father did not even play catch with me once. Only cared about the d@mn made up charade show of religion.
Alright, i am done ranting for now but that felt good to get off my chest because it was a reality that i lived. Anyways, thanks for taking the time to read and give advice that i can implament in real life.
Adam, sometimes when a potential romantic partner rejects you, in effect, that person is doing you a huge favor. You are being spared from having someone shallow in your life.
I see what you are saying and maybe it was a good thing i did not end up with her after all. At the time it definitely was a big blow to the heart but oh well it's in the past now.